Facebook & The Dangers of Social Pornography:

Matthew 7:6
Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.

I finally picked up Rob Bell's book, Sex God, last month when my husband and I were on vacation.  A few friends had recommended it and I decided to give it a read.

Funny thing is, out of all the things he said one of the smallest phrases caught my eye and has since then been transformational in my personal life.  I forget the exact quote, but he was talking about the dangers of sexuality taken out of proper context (particularly sexualization in media, pornography, etc.).

He explained in that chapter that when the sacredness of sexuality is exposed in such a meaningless way...it loses it's sacredness.  He went on to talk about how some of the most intimate moments between he and his wife are meant to be shared only by them.  No third parties allowed.  Because in an essence, the exclusivity of those things are what makes them so meaningful...so sacred.

I love that idea, and I believe it wholeheartedly when it comes to the area of sex and sexuality within the context of a marriage.  But you know, it got me thinking about the reality of these concepts within the context of our social world. 

Before I explain, let me start off by saying I love social media.  I'm a huge fan of Facebook.  I love it's ability to connect me with friends and family.  I love that I can post pictures of my daughter for my in-laws who live in Chicago, and within moments they can see her smiling face.  I love connecting with others, planning events, and keeping track with what everyone else is doing when I don't always have the time for a 30 minute phonecall....with 10 people.

But I've also learned that there can be a huge danger in this kind of "connecting".  In an essence, there are times when the online world acts like a kind of social pornography.  It allows for us to "connect" with people for the sake of connecting rather than for the sake of living, gratifying an urge inside of us momentarily.  Not allowing us to experience true connection in it's most fulfilling context: real life. 
  
I find it almost humorous when I see status updates talking about "how much fun" someone is having in the moment, or "how incredible" this experience is with their family...because if it's really that great, why are you on Facebook?  There is a tendency to talk about the moment, more than savor the moment.  A tendency to take the sacred things in our lives, and throw them before swine...giving them away to people who don't really care, rather than investing those moments in the people around us who actually, genuinely matter.   

It acts like social pornography, because it gives us a platform to share some really sacred things...some really intimate details...in the context of a meaningless atmosphere.  And in the end...it causes those things to lose their sacredness...

I know this might be a hard bite to chew, and an even harder one to swallow, but hear me on this.  I am speaking to myself just as much as I am to anyone reading.  In focusing so much on our "audience"...I think we've lost the real meaning behind the show.  You see, we can become so focused on the connecting, that we actually take away from the living.

I'm trying to work out these things in my life.  Rather than "status updating" about my sweet daughter every 15 minutes...I'm taking the time to enjoy her...even if no one else knows it but me.  Rather than post about my amazing husband, I'm taking the opportunities to tell him how much I love him...face to face...heart to heart.  Even if no one else hears it.

There is meaning in the sacredness...because these are things that are inherently meaningful. Audience or no audience. 

Don't give in to the false intimacy that comes with social pornography...and make time for the genuine intimacy that comes with the day to day real life.  Make time for the people around you.  Here and now.   



 

The Isolated Christian:

Hebrews 10:25
Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. 

The irony of this generation is that we are some of the most "socially connected" people, yet more than ever we are battling the grave of isolation.  Just the other day someone was sharing with me the paradox that the more she browses Facebook, the more isolated and alone she actually feels because it seems as though the world around her is all connecting...without her.   

We are longing for relationships.  For true, genuine, heart to heart connections with others.  It's one of the desires of my heart as well.  I was telling my husband that just the other day.  We're in a season of life where family is a priority with raising a toddler and with a baby on the way.  It seems as though our longing for community has kind of taken a back seat, and we're feeling the effects of that.  Isolation is a relentless monster, willing to pounce the moment he gets a chance.  And lately, he's been pouncing.

I've noticed, though, that there are three kinds of people when it comes to techniques in facing the trap of isolation.  Some compare, some complain...and then there are those who actually take the time to connect. 

The Comparing One:  It's easy to compare, isn't it?  And now with social networking as incredible as it is, it's WAY easy to compare.  Photos, events, parties, get-togethers, status updates...with one click of a button you can be lining yourself up against every friend in your queue.  Comparing makes the world around you seemingly incredible...while the world you live in becomes smaller, and darker, and lamer.  Comparing takes your eyes off of what you want, and puts them on what others have.  And it's a pit that is sure to leave you feeling more and more alone with every passing thought.   

The Complaining One:  We can all think of someone who fits in this category, and like Michael Jr. says, if you can't...then maybe they're thinking of you!  People who whine and complain about how they are miserable and alone, how no one wants to hang out with them, thinks of them, or includes them in anything.  They are the passive ones, who live their life to react to what others do...and most of the time, that reacting is in negative form.   Complainers don't get very far in connecting, because by the very nature of complaining- it pushes people away. 

The Connecting One:  Rather than being reactive to the world around them, Connecters are proactive.  When it comes to fellowship and community, they play offense not just defense.  They don't wait for the desert of isolation to become the norm, because the moment they feel it, they are picking up the phone to call a friend.  Connecters are the people who seem to get 1,000 text messages a day (unbeknownst to us, they've sent 5,000 text that day).  They're the ones who have people over, plan dinner dates, call a friend for coffee, or join the church softball team just to stay connected.  They practice hospitality, and don't wait to be invited before they take the opportunity to invite.  They ask questions, make others feel important, and serve with all of their hearts.

I know some connectors, and I'm inspired by them, because at the end of the day, I really believe it's the life God calls us to live.  Jesus was a connecter, taking the time to really give to those around Him without waiting around for them to give to Him.  And the miraculous thing about people like that is when you refresh others in that way...you find yourself supernaturally refreshed. 

I want to be proactive this year, rather than simply reactive.  I don't wait to wait around for someone to notice me, to love me, and to connect to me.  I want to be the one who shakes hands with people at church, invites a new couple over for lunch to get to know them, has a neighborhood get together, calls a friend just to see how they are doing.  I want to be a person who is connecting with others and loving others the way Jesus loves me.  I don't want the trap of isolation to take over and lead me into believing the lie that I am all alone...because in all honesty, lonesomeness is the fastest road to sinfulness, whether it be through my mind or in my heart. 

I want this year to be a defining year for me when it comes to battling isolation.  It's time to make some real connections, it's time to squelch the disease of isolation.