Holiday For Sinners:

Isaiah 53 The Message
But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—
   our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.
We thought he brought it on himself,
   that God was punishing him for his own failures.
But it was our sins that did that to him,
   that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!
He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
   Through his bruises we get healed.
We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost.
   We've all done our own thing, gone our own way.
And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong,
   on him, on him. 

This past week has been cathartic for me.  I have felt a deep sense of freedom in the act of confession. The past few nights...during the latest hours...God has brought things to my mind that I have been hiding.

I wonder why things like this seem to happen to me so late at night.  Maybe it's because in those moments of deep fatigue that my heart is most vulnerable.  Maybe it's because those are the moments in which my energy is depleted, my guard is down, and I have no strength to fight.  It's by His grace that He meets me in those moments.  Moments in which His love cannot be countered by my pride.

The past few nights God has been revealing to me some things in my life that I really need to change.  He has showed me that I have a strong sense of insecurity that tends to run wild in my life.  A deep feeling of inadequacy that causes me to fear, to covet, to compare.  A feeling that tempts me to lie, to embellish, and to exaggerate.  A feeling that leads me to believe that I am not enough...or that I am small....insignificant, and weak.


My heart is sinful.  And these sins have a tendency to seep into my actions...into my relationships...into my life.

I've spent the past few days talking to my husband about these internal struggles and sins, asking for accountability, prayer, and encouragement.  I've confessed to my friends, in hopes of facing the darkness in my heart.  And now, I find myself confessing to the entire world...anyone who would take the time to read.

I am a sinner.  At the deepest part of who I am there is a constant battle between doing my will...and submitting to His.  I am a sinner, but at the end of the day I'm realizing that this weekend...Easter...is a holiday for people just like me.

Liars.  Thieves.  Adulterers.  Those who can't control their anger.  Those who can't control their addictions.  Crooks.  Drunkards.  Idolaters.  Those struggling with their sexual lusts.  Those caught up in secret sins. 

This weekend is for us.  The sinners.  Those who have realized that they just can't do it on their own.  Those who have searcher their hearts and come to the realization that they are not as "good" as they thought they were...as others thought they were. 

This weekend is for us.  The sinners.  Those who have come to see their great need for a Savior.  A God who would love them to the point of death.  A God who carried our pain, our failures, and our disfigurements.  A God who was crushed so that we could be healed. 

This weekend is for us.  The sinners.  The gift of His precious life.  The hope of freedom, salvation, and peace.  The hope healing...from our pain, our weaknesses, and our sinful states.  The hope of Jesus.