Friday, January 18, 2013

Loves Me, or Loves Me Not?

1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

After one of my relationship talks I was approached by a beautiful young woman.  She wanted to share her story and seek out some advice about a dating situation she found herself in.

She had met this great guy through their church's young adult group.  He was handsome, funny, and had lots of charisma.  He was one of those guys that was just so easy to like.  They started spending more and more time together and began forming what seemed to be a dating relationship.  They would call each other, text each other, and even get together outside of church for coffee or dinner.  Fast forward two months later...

....something happened.  Out of nowhere, and all of a sudden, he seemed to back off, cold turkey.  No warning signs, no explanation, no heart to heart discussion.  She continued to try to call and text him, but it seemed that he wasn't reciprocating.  She continues to try, to pursue, and to try to reconnect.  She wonders maybe if he is just too busy?  Forgetful?  Scared?  But either way, her heart is stuck on him, and she needs direction. 

What should she do?

When I hear stories like this I have to simultaneous reactions that go off inside of me.  First, I feel empathy.  I look at this beautiful girl, with so much to give, and I look into her sad eyes and feel her pain, her hurt, and her rejection.  She wants to love and be loved so badly.  She wants to make it happen in her life.  She is just waiting to find that one to call her own.  I get that. I've been there.  It's hard when you're in the mess of dating to see beyond the pain of the moment. 

So first and foremost, I feel empathy (let's not forget that...).  Because secondly, I cringe!!! I just want to grab her shoulders and shake some sense into her!  I want her to see how she is making herself look from the outside looking in.  I want her to realize that she is trying so hard to keep something alive that would otherwise die if it was left alone.  I want her to come to the conclusion that simply said, he loves her NOT.  Because real love looks so, so different than that.  

I meet young men and women all the time that portray themselves as desperate by the way they act and react.  Trying so hard to find love.  Trying to hard to make it happen.  Finding excuse after excuse to keep going back to a relationship that does not reflect love in any way shape or form.  One-sided, non -reciprocated, hard-to-get relationships.  Let me just say it clearly- these kind of relationships are SO NOT WORTH THE INVESTMENT!

All over the scriptures God talks about reciprocal relationships.  Healthy relationships with two individuals that edify and build each other up.  There are always TWO people involved in the process.  Two people that are interacting, engaging, giving.  Two people that are encouraging, investing, and supporting one another.  This is how the body of Christ is supposed to look, and even more specifically speaking- this is how a marriage is supposed to look.  "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ..."

Dating relationships, should also be reciprocal.  Two people involved. Two people invested.  Two people pursuing and being pursed.  Two people committing, caring, and communicating.  Two people who are putting in the same amount, and receiving even more...

Why do we allow ourselves to settle for less?  Why do we find ourselves in relationships in which we are doing all the work to keep it alive?  It's time to put in the hard work, but then to trust that we are also worth being worked hard for.  We deserve to be loved just as we are giving love, and in romantic relationships, this is how God intended it to be.  Two people, building, edifying, encouraging, and investing in one another. 

Wait for that, because anything less is truly...not worth the wait.  Nor will it ever be. 


  1. Thank you for articulating the words that I want so many people to hear! I was so that girl who liked guys who 'liked me Not" but confused me a long the way. It was such a blessing and so worth the wait to find a guy who pursued me and not the other way around. Thanks for sharing! Lauren

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  3. Hello,

    When Jesus healed the ten lepers, only one came back to worship Him. Jesus didn't hound the nine who refused all of His goodness.

    Jesus obeys His own Word. Galatians 5:14 Amplified Bible says, "For the whole Law [concerning human relationships] is "complied with in the one precept, You shall love your neighbor as [you do] yourself."" If you love yourself, you respect yourself and do not offer up your goodness to be trampled upon by those who don't appreciate it.

    A lot of women get into premarital sex because they don't love themselves and are hoping that the sex will make the man love them. Please read my article, "Like A Virgin" at my blog:

    Let's chat.

    God is Love and Sexuality,
    Michele Jackson

  4. If a guy just stops being in touch I can let it go. It hurts, but I get what's going on.

    Right now I'm in a relationship where...I don't know what's going on. We're dating exclusively, but we don't have many conversations through out the week and he seldom initiates us getting together.

    But he seems surprised and hurt when I say I think we should see other people, emphatic about wanting to be with me. We even broke up for a time and after a month he tried to get us back together. I said no and a month later he tried again and I agreed - but very little has changed.

    I don't know if I just don't understand men, don't understand him, or if I should ditch this as something that doesn't have any chance of success.

  5. Lauren thanks for sharing your amazing story! Inspiring to hear that you Had the courage to wait on God's best

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