Friday, March 2, 2012

Does God Want me to be Single FOREVER? The short answer.

Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

One of the greatest fears of young singles that I meet is the prospect of being single, and “alone”, forever.  It’s probably a thought that crosses the mind of every young adult at one point in their lives.  I can recall wondering the same thing myself.  

The simple (and dreaded) answer to this question is yes.  Though singleness is statistically not probable, it’s possible.  That’s the short answer, but there is so much to this question than just a simple yes or no.  One verse that was a continuous source of encouragement to me in my young adult years as a single was found in the book of Psalms.  Chapter 37 verse 4 says this, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart”.  

For a time I interpreted this verse to mean that God will grant you what you want in life.  Not a bad interpretation if you ask me!  I don't really think that anymore, though I still agree with this interpretation to an extent.  Just like I delight in giving my daughter good things, our heavenly father loves us and wants to give his children what makes them happy.  But I have come to believe that this verse holds so much more meaning than that. 

I heard an interpretation in which the pastor explained that this verse actually means that when you delight in the Lord, he will GIVE you your desires.  Meaning, He will place desires within you.  That was a transformational thought for me.  It was freeing because it meant that if I really took it to heart in delighting in God as the love of my life, He would arrange my desires to line up with His.  When you really take joy in your relationship with God you will find that you know Him in a deeper way, and in turn, know what He wants for your life.  

St. Augustine said it this way, “Love, then do what thou wilt”.  I don’t think this gives us freedom to do whatever we want in life.  But I do think that it means that when we truly love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength- our desires will align with His.  What we choose to do by following our will, will ultimately be aligned with His. 

On a side not, I believe that it’s a myth to think that all joys will be fulfilled the moment you meet your future spouse.  I believe that God wants us to learn how to take joy in Him because no matter where this life takes us on the journey of finding true love, true joys can only be found in relationship with Him.   

I am married to an incredible man and I can tell you that there are day that he lets me down, and I guarantee you he’d say the same about me.  Though we love each other, our ultimate joy doesn’t come from that love, it comes from the love we have for the Lord; a love that we delight in, live for, and bask in; a love that overflows into every part of our lives, including our relationship with each other.  

If you have a strong desire for marriage, seek God.  If you have a strong desire for singleness, seek God.  In the end, when you have really submitted your heart to Him, God will use your desires to lead you in the right direction.  Just as I believe marriage is a calling, I believe singleness is a serious calling, one that God will equip you for if He calls you to it.  You will know this calling is on your life beyond a shadow of a doubt, and you will be at peace with it.   

For now, submit your heart to God, and then allow Him to lead your heart.  If He is really God then He can be trusted.  If He is really God then He knows what is best for your life.  If He is really God, then He will not let you down.    


  1. Thank you for this. I really appreciate it.

  2. Thank You, Great advice!!

  3. 1st Corinthians chapter 7.

  4. God was created by man obviously. Keep up the charade its a being outside of time that has a plan for you. Bull. You may be single for the rest of your life under the right circumstances. Everyone can personally increase or decrease their odds THEMSELFS. Not a god. Grow up. Think of the countless humans that died over human history that never saw a mate, or made it to sexual maturity to have kids because a wooly mammoth fell on them, or a disease took them too early. Yes, you might be one of those poor left overs that gets thrown out. The universe does not give a shit about you. Only You and real people care about you. Made up gods are really YOU in your head.

  5. Nothing is answering my question. Nothing. You can sit there and spit philosophy and riddles at me that make me think about life but they aren't answering my question! I want to know IF HE IS GOING TO HELP ME FIND HER OR NOT!!!!! HOW could he possibly make me want to find a wife SO bad and then just allow me to be totally alone???? There is no guarantee. He can't affect someones free how is he supposed to help me find a wife. How can i trust that God will do whats best for my life if he can't tell me that i will find her or not. Ive had it. Im done with being alone. I don't have the gift of singleness or else i wouldn't give two flying craps. Whats best for my life is for me to find a woman that i love that loves me. I'm not accepting anything else. Im aware that that wont bring me happiness but im not willing to give that up. I can't. I just can't. How can he create the world in 7 days and then it take him 19 years and counting to help me meet a girl that im infatuated with that loves me too!? IT DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE! ANSWER ME PLEASE

    1. Jake, look at what you are saying here. You want something soooo badly, why won't God give it to you? You might even say, 'God, I promise I'll take care of her and cherish her and love her and idolize her until the day I die!' The problem is that God will never give us our idols. Putting your entire life and energy into finding a wife is a form of idolatry, no less that worshiping a golden calf. Ask God to be free from idols, patience while you learn about yourself and about what is important in life, and the rest will take care of itself. If you can take the time, please watch this video (the underscores at the end are part of the link). This will, in a different way than you hoped, answer many of your questions and maybe help you toward the truth and having joy in life, whether you have a wife or not.

  6. I've been single a year,I've been praying for someone,all I can do is be patient. I don't really have a choice.Being alone is so depressing. Singleness turns into loneliness, which turns into depression,and ultimately sadness. I don't understand why God wants this for people if he specifically made Eve for adam cause he saw he was sad. Once he made him he made her for him pretty fast. So why is it now that we haft to be alone for so long?

  7. i certainly do blame God, and why you say? well i am a straight man looking to find love again, especially after having my wife of 15 years that cheated on me. i was a very caring and loving husband that was very committed to her as well, and i thought that i was going to have a family too. that certainly never happened, and it seems that women just can't be with just only one man anymore like they did in the past. there are many of us very good innocent men that certainly hate being alone, and want very much to find a good woman to have a love life again. but there are so many mean and nasty women out there now, and especially that many of them are playing very hard to get and think that they are all that. well of course meeting a good woman is hard, and i wish that we could have the women like June Cleaver and Donna Reed back again. they were the great down to earth, stay at home mom, very committed to their men, and accepted their men for who they were, and they didn't have to be rich either. where are the women God like we had back then?, and they were certainly much better educated too.

  8. I agree with jake it's like god is torturing me with my own desires to find a great woman who loves me and when I try myself to go out and find her I come home feeling even more alone because no one wants me or even if they do something is in the way. ive been single for going on 5 years now and im about ready to paint the wall with my brains to spare myself a life of misery and isolation.


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