When Good People are Stuck in Bad Relationships:

1 Corinthians 15:33
Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”

As a therapist, I've been hearing about a lot of bad relationships lately.  Christian friends, family members, and even clients opening up and sharing about their struggles, weaknesses, and straight-up dysfunction in the area of boy + girl.

To say I'm surprised by these things would be an overstatement, because I'm really not.  Turn on any TV station and you'll tune into some divorce, break up, or relationship tragedy that's occurring in the world around us.  Listen in on any gossip at the office and you'll hear about heart-break, lying, cheating, and manipulation.  Sometimes, relationships can be really toxic.  But what's more surprising to me is not the occurrence of these relationships- but how little Christians talk about them.  

Toxic relationships exist all over the world, and guess what, they exist in Christian relationships as well.  Christian people are flawed, sinful, and broken human beings just as much as the other guys.  Take that combination into any relationship and you're bound to find a toxic concoction at somewhere at some point.  So what is keeping us from bringing it to the light?  Why are we so silent?

Scripture says that whatever is in darkness will be healed as it comes into the light.  It's time to break the silence about dysfunctional relationships by starting to have these conversations, by starting to be real.  Christian, it's time to take inventory of the relationship you are in- whether dating or married- and ask yourself if it's good, honoring, and uplifting.  We are called to be actively engaged in relationships in which we are giving and exchanging that kind of hope to one another.  In which we are spreading God's love like it's a contagious disease.  But toxic relationships look nothing like that.  

They rob you of your joy, take away your hope, and cause you to believe that's all your worth.  

You might be in a toxic relationship if you commonly feel the sting of manipulation, jealousy, envy and rage.  God calls us into relationships that are full of patience and love. 

Maybe you're feeling controlled- unable to say what you want, do what you want, or believe what you want. God's love brings us into hope and freedom.  

Maybe the toxicity of addictions, drugs and alcohol are seeping into your relationship and in turn are destroying your life.  God wants to help break away from these chains and give you the power to live freely. 
 
What if you keep getting led into dark places- places of lust and seduction that leave you feeling guilt and shame.  God wants to shine His light upon your life, and forgive you in the best way He knows how- completely.  

Maybe you're being beat down verbally- ripped of your dignity and self-worth.  God wants you to know that you are His beloved- worth far more than precious rubies and more valuable than the finest of pearls. 

You may be feeling the sting of abuse- the infliction of physical pain that breaks your spirit even more than it breaks your body.  God has felt the sting of physical abuse in order to free you from your own...His stripes and wounds are a sign that you deserve to forever be free of yours.** 

If you're married, seek pastoral and professional help immediately...begin the restoration process even if that means doing it alone.   

If you're dating, it's time to believe that you were made for so much more than this.  It's time to break free and allow God to bring you healing and restore your hope-  How to Get out of a Toxic Relationship.

It's time to get real, to get honest, and to get help**. It's time to stop waiting for the change, and begin making the change yourself.  It's time to step out of the grip of the past, and into something new.  It's time to acknowledge these dark places and bring them into the light of His healing.  

**For more assistance in breaking free of toxic relationships, go to www.aacc.net (American Association of Christian Counselors) to find some professional help in your area. 

4 Ways to Radically Change your Relationships in 2013:

Luke 10:27
"He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’^[a]; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

I've noticed something pretty disconcerting.  I'm not as focused as I used to be on the things that matter most.

Surrounded by cell phones, technology, noise, and social media- sometimes it's easier to get distracted by what's going on "out there" rather than to stay focused on the here and now.  In a culture that seems so wrapped up in self-gratification and promotion, it's been easy to place my focus on myself and totally forget about my neighbor, my friends, my family.  The people that mean the most to me.    

I'm challenged as I enter into this new year, to get my focus back on where it belongs- loving God and loving others. There's nothing on earth more meaningful than that. I think I've begun to lose sight of that goal somewhere along the way.  I've been contemplating of how to bring back my focus.  Not just to hope for it, but to actually do it.  It's time for a change in my relational world.  Here are some ways I hope to get my heart back on track:

1.  Talk Less, Listen more:  I don't know about you, but I've found myself at times falling into the trap of the "Facebook mentality".  What I mean by that is an attitude that is all about self-promotion.  Putting yourself on display for all to see.  I've found that attitude slowly seeping into my relationship.  The symptoms are subtle, but they are dangerous.  It's an attitude that seeks to talk more than it seeks to listen, that longs to be known more than it longs to know.  This has been the downfall of some of my relationships this year, and I want to be deliberate about changing that.  I want to learn to be a person that talks less, and listens more.  A person that is interested in the people around me, more than interested in their interest in me.  I want to be "others-focused", and I believe that starts with letting them take the spotlight.   

2.  Ask more Questions:  I have a friend who asks a lot of questions.  I mean, tons.  When she connects with someone, she wants to know everything about them, what they've been up to, and what they are passionate about.  Talking to her almost feels like being interviewed on Oprah.  Now, though I think that can be a little much at times, I think she is really onto something.  Her heart is in the right place because it is others-focused.  She wants to ask questions because she wants to know people.  I want to do that to.  I want to make others feel important, and do my part in getting to know them.  I want to ask more questions this year, and be sure to hear the answers.   

3.  Offer encouragement:  I must admit, this is one that I really want to get better at.  It's not natural for me to offer encouragement, because it's not something that I grew up with consistently.  Our family was one that spoke through actions, not necessarily with words.  But you know, words are so important, and they are an important part of loving and being loved.  They nourish, strengthen, and grow relationships faster than many other things can.  Encouragement takes you out of self-centeredness and into a life that is fixed on others.  Find something valuable in someone, and then tell them about it.  God promises that those who seek to bless others will find that they are the ones who are ultimately blessed. 

4.  Stay in the moment:  I got an email from a young women who was telling me about a gathering she had experienced at which every single person was occupied by their phones.  Texting, tweeting, googling and instagram-ing...there was always something to check, someone to update, or some information to find out.  It's hard to live in the moment in a society that is calling us out of the moment.  In a culture that has created for us a "matrix-like" world, filled with false connection, false intimacy, and false pride.  In a world where we gain power by a click of a button.  But in exchange for this false sense of control, glory, and value...we are missing the present.  We are missing the moment.  We are distracted by things that have not earned our attention, while surrounded by people who are deserving of our it. Our families, our spouses, our children, our friends.  Our neighbors, our communities, and even the strangers that may come our way.  Sacred moments...have become secondary.  It's time to take these moments back.  It's time to enjoy them, savor them, and experience them.  It's time to live in the moment. 

A new year brings new opportunities.  New chances to connect, to love, and to focus.  New moments to learn how to live fully, and love practically. 

Here's to 2013.  May it be the best year our relationships have ever seen! 

Are you in love, or just in need?

1 John 4:18
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..."

I was having a conversation today about the stark difference of being in love and being in need.  When you really get down to the roots of each kind of love, they are unmistakably polar opposites, although from the outside in they may appear the same. 

There are many who believe that they have fallen in love, only to realize that this love is purely based on need.  A need to be wanted, to be valued, to be affirmed.  A need to be taken care of, to be nurtured, to be safe.  Need-love drives you toward another out of your disparity.  It binds you together by its codependency and unites you in its fear.  It takes two empty people, and fools them into thinking that they can fill one another up.  But in the end, fulfillment never comes.  In the end, their desperate needs cause them to feel more and more depleted.  In the end, their needs grow even greater in the shadow of a false and dying love.   

True love is never based on need, it is birthed out of covenant.  It is founded in commitment.  It's a love that speaks permanence and unconditional positive regard because it's a love that is based on choice.  It loves even when it doesn't feel like loving, and gives until it can give no more.  It loves the one before it because of who they are, yet continues to love because of who it is.  It is an unrelenting, passionate, fierce and growing love that simply loves for the sake of loving...a love that loves to love, rather than a love that loves to be loved. 

It is a love that offers something not a love that only takes. 

It is a love that wants nothing from the other but the opportunity to love them better.

True love is a reflection of a God who truly loved...completely, wholly, perfectly.

But it is a love that can be found here on earth, in glimpses, in moments...moments of sheer bliss, utter selflessness.  It is a love that reminds us of the Source of our perfect love.  And points us back to Him for more.  The Perfect love that casts out all fears, all doubts, and all needs. 

Because only in Him can our needs be met...and only then, are we free to truly love...

Lord, help me to love in this way...

Real Relationships: Waiting on God vs. Dating

"I've heard it said you should wait on God.  Should I "wait on God" to find me a spouse, or should I get out there and date?"


Psalm 27:14
Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.

So, what does it really mean to wait on God?  I received this question recently, and it made me stop and think.  Though I'm now married, I remember going through these exact thought processes during my single years.  But beyond that, I think I've found myself back and forth between the pendulum of waiting on God my entire life with pretty much every major decision I've had to make.

Finding a mate.
Searching for a college.
Pursuing a career.
Living in the right place.
Joining the right church.


I've always found it hard to know what it practically means to wait on God.  Do you just sit around and wait?  Twiddling your thumbs?  Praying 12 hours a day?  Memorizing Scripture, or better yet, looking for secret codes in bible verses?  I remember a season in my life in which I would open my bible to any random page, look through the words and hope I could find a secret message from God.  Hoping He would help me out a bit, give me some direction.  Waiting on God may include some of these things...but...

What does it really mean to wait on God?  How does that look in our day to day lives?

More than anything, waiting on God is a state of the heart.  It's an emotional place of peace, security, and trust.  It's an internal acknowledgement that He is in control, that He cares, and that His plans for my life are good...really, really, good.  It's living with an awareness of His goodness, and living with confidence, not afraid of the obstacles that might come our way.  When we wait, we acknowledge that there is a level of power that is beyond us.  More than we can do.  And we rest in the peace that He is filling in the details.

But waiting on God does not mean that we live passive lives...waiting for Him to magically bring that job, that spouse, that college or career to our doorstep.  It requires the ability to "do" in the here and now, with an emotional realization that our future has already been "done".  We need to pursue these thing we want, though we should never be consumed with these things.

So, in light of dating, what does that mean?  It means...get to know people!  But more importantly, get to know yourself.  Find out who you are and what you need in a significant other, and then take the time to interact with people who meet those standards.  Don't be afraid to invest in people- but remember- you will never lose or have regrets if you give only what they earn from you.  So give slowly.  Give wisely.  Give maturely.  Give with discretion.     

But most importantly, give your heart to the One who knows more about it than you do.  Let Him have your emotional world as you seek to discover your physical world.  Do your best...and He'll take care of all the rest. 


For more on this check out:  Fake Faith: The Myth of Waiting on God

 

Real Relationships: Is it okay for a woman to initiate a relationship?

Ephesians 5:21
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ...

I received a great question for the Real Relationship series I'm writing, by a young woman wondering whether or not she should share her feelings with a young man she has feelings for and can see a potential for a future relationship...in other words, is it okay for the girl to initiate? 

Maybe I like this question so much because it is one that I have struggled with in my dating years...up until I met the man I married.  I pretty much grew up with the belief that a woman should never initiate a relationship, that the man should be the one to step up, take charge, and be a leader when it comes to discussing these sort of things.  It was the "Elisabeth Elliot" mentality (though I love that woman's heart, old fashioned as she sometimes may be!) that gives the man this role from the start of the relationship and all the way through. 

I think there is something truly romantic about this way of thinking.  Deep down most women have a desire to be swept off their feet, and into the arms of a man professing his undying love for them.  It's the fairy tale story in which we are pursued and chivalry is eternal.  I think deep down we all think we want this kind of relationship, in which the man leads the way with emotions, and the woman follows suit.  It's what Hollywood movies are made of.

But to be honest, I think it sounds better than it actually feels.

Let me explain.  I used to believe I wanted a "take charge" kind of man who initiated our relationship, our spiritual life, and pretty much the direction of our entire relationship and marriage.  Sometimes called a "leader" I think I misinterpreted the definition of that word, as though it translated into "boss".

My actual marriage is very much different than what I imagined it would be.  You see, I had a certain picture in my mind because of all the dating books I had read in which the man "led the way" and "took charge".  But to be honest, as I grew and matured I realized that my personality would never lend to such a one-sided relationship.

I'm not married to a "take charge kind" of man, but I AM married to a "leader" in every way.  We have a relationship in which we are both equal parts to the equation: challenging each other, correcting each other, sharpening each other, encouraging each other and "submitting to one another".  We have a mutual relationship- respecting and honoring each other as equals...

And I see the roots of this stemming back to our dating relationship.  Let me remind you: what you see in dating, you will 100% of the time see later in marriage.  We both shared our feelings with one another- I remember initiating the initial conversation about our relationship, and he followed suit with words and then with action.  We kept communication open the whole way through, and that's really important when it comes to dating.

So the short answer to this question is (in my humble opinion): yes, it's okay to share your feelings if, and only if:

1.  You have prayed a LOT about this relationship and feel the Lord's leading.
2.  You see lots of healthy things in the person that you are interested in.
3.  You have felt interest on their part toward you: (Ask yourself, why HASN'T he initiated up to this point?)
4.  You are okay with getting the answer "no" because that is always a huge possibility.  (And then you are okay with letting it go after that rather than making excuses to bring it up again in 2 months...just to "see where he's at now")
5.  You understand that how you act, react, and interact through dating is very indicative of how you will act, react, and interact in marriage.

And on a side note, if you are planning on initiating a conversation- you better expect a response.  It doesn't matter who starts the relationship with the first word, but it does matter that both people are continuing the relationship through their actions, feelings, and words from that point forward.  

Hope that helps, and thanks for the awesome questions.  Keep them coming at debslessonslearned@gmail.com, with "Real Relationships" in the subject line.  

*For a biblical example of this, check out the story of Ruth...  

Dear Perfectionists, Just Learn to Be Still:

Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God.

I wrote an article last week for Relevant Magazine titled "When You Can't Pray the Pain Away".  

I'm rather surprised by the response I got from readers, very passionate about the subject matter, advocating the importance of getting one's emotional and psychological world together through the process of therapy.  I got emails from all over the country and even from different parts of the world from men and women who felt that they were validated in their pursuits of professional healing, rather than not feeling "Christian" enough for seeking help. 

But more than anything, the great response and emails reminded me of the truth that people all over are hurting.  Pain and suffering are universal.

One interaction in particular was from a dear friend of mine who is going through a seriously hard time in her life.  She asked me some difficult questions in a public manner, in hopes that the public interaction would be a instrument in helping others.

Even in her pain, she hoped that someone out there might benefit from her struggles and her questions.  Now, that's legit.  To me, that is actually the very indicator of true healing and maturity.  So, dear friend, this post is in honor of you.

S: Debbie: this article is extremely true, factual, and hopefully effective if the individuals you are targeting with this message heed your advice. I can attest to the validity of what you have offered here. Therapy saved my life. Self examination has been the only thing that has helped me change my behavior. Self awareness is often our of my grasp. 

It's only been by friends laying out the realities of my actions and emotions that I've seen what's really wrong with me. Debbie you have personally done this from time to time directly through phone calls and one on one time or through your writings. Lately I've given in to giving up. I honestly have done the opposite. Haven't prayed but just relied on venting all the time to cope. It's less effective... this article is somewhat of a wake up call. 

Genuine question and I expect a practical answer from you: How can you continue to improve when momentum is gone? When friends fail you? When circumstances are too overwhelming? When you become lazy or use excuses? How do you get out of that pattern? I'll call you guys out if your answer is unsatisfactory! 

My Response:  Dear S, First of all, what is up with you asking the most difficult earth shattering questions? That's how you roll, though, isn't it? It's a good question, to be sure...and a hard one. How does one go on in the face of disappointment, disillusionment, pain, and a lack of motivation. This could be an entire article on it's own.

Your question was how do you keep improving, and I want to stop you there...because in my opinion, sometimes staying the same in such difficult times is just as good as improving. Letting the waves crash without causing you to topple over, much less thinking about trying to take steps forward through them. I think we all know when we have reached that most difficult place, and have to be careful not to put too many expectations upon ourselves through such hard times.

On the other hand, there are times when the storm lets up...and we can't use the pain of the past to keep us in the same place. For me personally, I have a hard time moving through such times alone, and I find that surrounding myself with people who help move me forward- friends, family, mentors, counselors- is sometimes what I need to draw upon their strength just so that I can get back on my own two feet and move forward.

Only you know where you are at right now...and how far you can push yourself. Strive to do what you can in the day to day, and to make the best choices in the current hour you are living through, rather than putting so many expectations on yourself for what is to come.

There is always a time for growth and moving forward...but for you, maybe that time isn't now. Maybe it's a time to be still and steady, and keep yourself from moving backwards. Hope that gives some perspective.
 _____

Thanks S, for always having such insight into your life...I think right now, this is a season for you just to be still...and know that He is God.  That's actually sometimes the hardest part.  I think sometimes we put more on ourselves than He ever would.  Praying for you, and thankful that you have a heart to help others even in the midst of your own struggles.  To me, that is true healing.  Give yourself some credit for that.  

Love you, homegirl. 

  

The Victim Mentality: What My Toddler and I have in Common

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I learn many life lessons from my toddler.  The other day I was watching her play and during the process she decided to crawl underneath one of our dining room table chairs and hideout.  

She was under there for a few moments, and then all of a sudden began to realize that she didn't really like being there.  She tried to stand up, but the weight of the chair kept her from getting too far in her pursuits.  And then she looked at me with the saddest face and made a whine that said "Mommy, help me out of here!".

I didn't help her at first.  Trust me, I really wanted to, but more so, I wanted her to learn that she had crawled in there and she could easily crawl back out of there.  She had the strength to get herself out of the mess that she got herself in, it would just take some work.  I sat there on the sidelines and coached her through the process of working her way out of her mess.   

It's really funny that this situation happened when it did, because moments before I was talking to a friend about the concept of powerlessness and the "victim" mentality that so many of us possess at some point or another in our lives.  I see this in my own life at times. 

We feel powerless to certain people and their emotional toll on us, powerless to our situations at work, with our friends, with our family.  Powerless to stress, to emotional struggles, and even to sin.  I meet so many people who believe that life is just like the wind, you get blown wherever it decides to take you and you just have to learn to deal with it when you get there.  

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm not okay with that.  

I believe that yes, there are certain things that are out of our control.  I want it to be sunny tomorrow, but can't guarantee that it will be.  I want to freeze time when my daughter seems to be growing up too fast, but I guess I can't do that either.  

But you see, so much of our life's outcome lies within the power of our choices...choices in which Jesus gives us the strength to make wisely.  Choices that He guides us through.  Choices that he calls us toward, reminding us that He has given us what we need to make them happen.  

Like my toddler, begging for direction, Jesus is right beside us, gently coaching us along.  No matter our situations, we are only victims if we choose to be.  If we allow the weight of the world to crush us rather than take the necessary steps to get out from under it.  If we allow our own strength to try and lift our burdens, rather than rely on the Giver of Strength. 


Whatever your situation...don't give in to the victim mentality.  Choose to live freely.   

  

 

Hurricanes, Earthquakes, Fires and Floods:

Psalm 31:15
My times are in your hand...

The past 30 days has been quite an adventure, to say the least.  Natural disasters have showed their face all across the country at large and showed us humans who is boss.

It's a little intimidating at times, when nature takes an unexpected turn.  It's even more intimidating when that turn is closer to home.

Through the recent disaster's we have been facing in Central Pennsylvania there has been much tragedy.  This morning I heard a story of a friend of a friend, whose life was taken through the past days of disaster. 

It's heart-breaking taking in the details.  I'm sure that just a couple days ago this man was not thinking of his death...who is?  Who of us wakes up in the morning and wonders if today will be their last?  We don't realize that the end is near until it has found us...

For a moment, the stories of tragedy caused me to give in to some panic.  The reality is that you just never know.  You never know what day will be your last, or worse, the last for those you love.  Life is a difficult journey, with the giving of breath and the taking away.  When faced with the lack of control I really have in all of these things, I found myself with a storm of anxiety building inside my heart.

And then I realized something: God's not surprised by tragedy.

From the moment we take our first breath, the path before us is set.  Whether it's a road that we walk for 3 months, 45 years, or through the ripe age of 92...we each have our journey set before us.  A journey filled sometimes with joy, filled sometimes with pain, but one that is always filled with purpose.  Whether short, or long...foreseen or sudden, there will be a day that we will all come to the end of our road. 

For me, I find comfort in the fact that my journey is not my own.  My time here on earth is completely and entirely in the hands of a God who loves me and the ones I love.  My life is in his hands.

To make the most of this journey, there is no room for anxiety and panic...there is no time to waste thinking of the end.  There is only time to live, to love, to be present.  There is only time to hope, to heal, and to be available. 

Make the most of yours. 
 

 

Sooooo Relax, Max: What Sleep Really Means

Psalm 127:1-2
¹ Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain.  Unless the LORD watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. ² In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat— for he grants sleep to^[a] those he loves. 

Sometimes I think we give ourselves too much credit.  What I mean by that is that sometimes we act as though all the world is on our shoulders- putting a lot of weight on every move that we make and every  decision we face. 

Though this Superman act can be a good motivation toward accomplishment, it can also get very old, very fast.  Besides sending us into near psychosis, this self-relying attitude can quickly leave us burned out and emotionally depleted- turning us into prideful perfectionists along the way. 

My husband and I were discussing this concept last night after reading Psalm 127.  It was perfect timing (as God's word has a tendency to be...) as my husband was getting ready to take a pretty significant exam along his career path. 

He had been spending late hours studying, and waking up early to do the same in an attempt to prepare for this pending obstacle.  And it struck us as rather ironic as we were heading to bed that night to read the words "in vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat"....

It was as though God was reminding us that we need to relax a little, and remember that He is in this.  

According to this passage, God gives REST to those He loves.  He allows us to close our eyes and sleep.  So, out of all the things God could have given us, why does He promise sleep?

To me, sleep is God's way of gently reminding me that I am not needed...when I close my eyes, life goes on.  My world does not fall apart. What that translates to me is God saying that He is in control: "Deb, RELAX.  Though you sometimes think you are, remember that you are NOT the center of the universe...take a break, close your eyes and let go.  I've got it under control."

We put too much on our shoulders, forgetting that God is really the one at work and that He will get us where He wants us to go.  Scripture reminds us time and time again that God is truly in control. He will guide you.  He will give you instruction.  He will direct your steps.  He will get you where he wants you- it's a promise. 

So at the end of the day, we have two options...we can either toil, labor, and build in vain- believing that the world is on our shoulders.  Or we can acknowledge that He is the one in charge, that He is in this, and that we can let go.

So in my sincere opinion- close your eyes and learn to relax, Max....

Calling All Control Freaks: A Lesson on Trusting God

Isaiah 55:9
As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

I don't know about you- but I'm a control freak. I like things done how I want them, when I want them, the way I want them. Interestingly enough, that doesn't always mesh well with Christianity. In fact, Christianity tells us just the opposite. It reminds us that we, in fact, know nothing when it comes to what's best for us. It reminds us that God's ways are so much higher than our own. It reminds us that His plans will always lead to a better outcome.

There have been many seasons in my life where I have doubted that. I've doubted that God's plans were best. There were many times in my life where I felt my world was crumbling before my eyes- with no hope in sight. In those moments, it's hard to believe that God knows best. It's hard to continue giving him the reigns to your life when it seems like He doesn't know what He's doing.

And you know, sometimes no matter how much I hear the truth about what's best for me- I need to experience it before I will learn to believe. Sometimes I am like Thomas, looking to feel, to see, to touch in order to believe. For those Thomas' out there like me, let me tell you a story that has really moved my heart and brought me one step closer to trusting.

My cousin Hany was born with a degenerative eye disease. In his late 20's, he was already facing legal blindness, which impaired his ability to drive and to work, and ultimately- impaired his self esteem. Hany lives in Egypt, and had little access to the kind of specialized care he needed to find a cure for his eyes. Ultimately, what he needed for healing was cornea transplants.

He spent the following years crying out to God for a miracle. He needed money, and most importantly, he needed a Visa to America. Month after month he applied for his Visa. Month after month he faced rejection upon rejection. He decided to try one last time...give it one final push...and pray for the best. Again- rejection. He had reached his emotional limit. There was no hope in sight. It seemed as though God had forgotten him. Or frankly, it seemed as though God didn't really give a rip.

We've all had moments like Hany, haven't we? We've all had moments when it felt like God wasn't listening, that he didn't hear, or that he really didn't care. We've all had moments when we got sick and tired of trusting in His plan, ready to take back control and live life our way. Life gets difficult sometimes...and we're desperate for answers.

Answers didn't come immediately. They don't always.

A few months after Hany's rejection- a tragedy occurred in his life. Hany's father was suddenly diagnosed with terminal cancer- and only a few months left to live. Hany spent the rest of those months by his father's side, loving on him, taking care of him, and enjoying the last few months of his life until his father went to be with Jesus.

God had a plan. He always does. If Hany had gotten what he originally wanted, he would have missed the last few months of his father's life- precious moments that could never be relived. Even though Hany thought he knew what was best....God ultimately knew what was best for Hany. His ways were greater; His thoughts higher.

The following year, Hany applied once more for a Visa- and this time he was accepted. He was able to come to America and have the surgery on his eyes- and received two new corneas which restored his vision.

I hold this story dear to my heart, because I see it as such a challenge in my life. It reminds me of how absolutely clueless I am when it comes to my life and what's best for me. It reminds me to let go of my control and cling to nothing else but God's sovereignty in my life. It reminds me that even though I think I know what I need...I serve a God who mercifully says no to me, because He knows the end result.

Now that, is a God I can trust.