Are you stuck on your past?

Genesis 19:26
But Lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.

One of the greatest things that inhibits us from moving forward...is our past.  

For Andrea, that was exactly the case.  She was unable to get over the struggles of her past.  The neglect.  The abuse.  The longing for love.  Longings that were never filled.  Love that was never felt.  20 years later and she's still asking why.  Looking back, trying to make sense of it all.  And in her pursuit of looking back- she has failed to look around, and has ceased to look forward.  She has lost her present and her future...because of her past. 

Lot's wife struggled with the same things.  God had called Lot and his wife out of Sodom, and into something new.  Out of the darkness of their past, and into new adventures.  Out of the sin and struggles that they were surrounded by, and into something better.  But Lot's wife was unable to let go of the past.  She looked back...and "became a pillar of salt".  The truth of the matter is that the past can be paralyzing.

It's healthy to sort through our past every now and again. It's important to understand where we came from and what we went through.  It's vital to see the things from our past that made us who we are today.  But when we find our gaze is fixated on our past...we will ultimately waste our present, and lose our future.

God calls us to look forward. To see the new things that He is doing in our life rather than to dwell on the old.  To focus on hope, healing, and potential rather than waste our life on regrets, judgements, and needless analysis.   

He calls us to live for today, and hope for tomorrow...because no matter what has happened in our past, greater things are yet to come. 

Maybe you are stuck on your past.  Maybe a devastating break up has paralyzed your heart.  Maybe the sting of abuse and neglect continue to haunt you.  Maybe the choices you made and the road that you once traveled are causing you major regrets. Maybe your mind is filled with things you "should have" done and bogged down by those which you shouldn't have.  Maybe your heart is heavy with loss, pain, and unending questions of "why".   If this is you, the past may be wrapping it's deadly tentacles around your heart, trying it's very best to steal your life and rob your hope. 

It's time to overcome your past and stop looking back.  It's time to focus on your present, here and now.  It's time to look around and focus on where you are now and where you hope to be.  It's time to trust God with your future, and allow Him to help you fix your eyes forward. 

Don't let the pain of your past take away from your present and keep you from your future.  It's time to look forward and be freed. 

Why I Hate Running and What I'm Running From:

Hebrews 12:1-2
And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith.

There's nothing I despise more than running.  It takes so much out of me.  Energy.  Strength.  Motivation.  But that's what I've been doing lately.  This time, I'm not talking about physical running.  I'm talking about emotional...and spiritual running.  

To put it vaguely, I've been going through a difficult time in my life.  God has blessed me with so much, and the roots of those blessings run so deep in my life- but the stems of those blessings have began to blossom into pain, suffering, and stress.  The seeds must fall in order for the fruit to be birthed.  I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces much fruit (John 12:24).

I'm waiting for that fruit.  Having to remind myself that it is actually rooted in blessings, though some days blessing is the last thing I feel.  Some days, I just feel crushed.  Pressed.  Persecuted.  And struck down.  

For a moment, I thought the seeds had fallen...I thought it was time to harvest, to taste, to enjoy the fruit.  But I was wrong.  The season is not yet over.  

It's like I was running a marathon, headed toward the finish line, desperate to get to the end.  And when I reached the finish line, I turned the corner and realized that I still had 5 miles to run...

The end would come.  But it was not yet.  

Sometimes, this thought can be more devastating than encouraging.  Sometimes, your body and your soul and your mind just want to get to the end, and you aren't sure if you have the strength to make it through to the finish line. You just don't know if you have what it takes.  Just ask me a few weeks ago, and I, too, didn't think I could.  

But here I am...am still running...

More than anything, I'm thankful that this race I'm running isn't about me, and the strength that I am running with has nothing to do with myself.  I'm thankful that when I am weak and my faith is imperfect, I can fix my eyes on the one who perfects my faith.  I'm thankful that the race has an end, it's not as short as I want it to be, and it's not as straight- but it's a race that was made just for me.  It was marked out for me.  It is mine.  For a reason.   Though I don't always know what that reason is, one thing I do know:

It refines me.  It stretches me.  It teaches me.  It perfects me.  

As much as I hate running...and trust me, I really despise it...I'm learning to be thankful in this race.  I'm learning to run the race marked out for me, and to fix my eyes on Jesus each and every step of the way.  

5 miles to go.  I'm running from fear, doubt, worry, and pain.  And instead, I'm running to Jesus. 

The finish line is in sight.  I'm hopeful that I'll push through and get there.  

May you, dear one, keep running, too. 

What To Do With Your Pain:

Matthew 9:21
"She said to herself, "If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed."

I was reading this passage in Matthew 9 last night, and was struck by the faith of this woman.  I never thought about her condition before, but in other passages of scripture it describes her as a woman with a bleeding disorder, who had been bleeding for years upon years.  This was not a small thing.  I don't know why but I never before realized the struggle that this must have been for her.

I can only imagine the debilitation of such a disorder in the time where modern medicine and medical conveniences didn't exist.  Just getting out of her house must have been a feat, much less taking the time to find and follow this man who claimed to be able to heal and forgive.

She believed that she would find comfort in the presence of Jesus, and she did whatever it took to get close to Him.  It may have cost her embarrassment, humiliation, and shame- but she sought after it as though it were her final hope.  And ultimately, it was. 

That's faith. 

Faith that was recognized by Jesus. 

I can't say that I understand the struggles and difficulties that come with severe and chronic illness, but I do understand pain.  I may not have experienced physical pain like so many have, but I have definitely experienced emotional pain, relational pain, and sometimes even spiritual pain.

I was struck by the faith of this woman...because I know what it feels like to be in pain and need a healer.  But it's easy to want healing...and a whole other thing to seek it out.

I am challenged by her diligence, and her drive to find Jesus, to follow Him, and to touch Him.  I want that for my life.  You see, I believe He has the power to heal, to cleanse, to fill...but I fail to seek Him, to follow Him, and to touch Him in my life.

I want that kind of faith.  A faith that doesn't just believe...but one that acts on my beliefs.  

Maybe you too are dealing with some sort of pain in your life, in need of a healing touch.  Maybe your strength is gone, your body is weak, and your mind is confused.  Maybe you believe in a God who can heal, comfort, and transform...and take that pain.

Be diligent to find Him, to follow Him, and to touch Him.  Make time for Him in your day and invite Him into your pain.  Let your beliefs bring you close to the God who heals...and allow yourself to be made new in His presence. 

 

Dear Perfectionists, Just Learn to Be Still:

Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God.

I wrote an article last week for Relevant Magazine titled "When You Can't Pray the Pain Away".  

I'm rather surprised by the response I got from readers, very passionate about the subject matter, advocating the importance of getting one's emotional and psychological world together through the process of therapy.  I got emails from all over the country and even from different parts of the world from men and women who felt that they were validated in their pursuits of professional healing, rather than not feeling "Christian" enough for seeking help. 

But more than anything, the great response and emails reminded me of the truth that people all over are hurting.  Pain and suffering are universal.

One interaction in particular was from a dear friend of mine who is going through a seriously hard time in her life.  She asked me some difficult questions in a public manner, in hopes that the public interaction would be a instrument in helping others.

Even in her pain, she hoped that someone out there might benefit from her struggles and her questions.  Now, that's legit.  To me, that is actually the very indicator of true healing and maturity.  So, dear friend, this post is in honor of you.

S: Debbie: this article is extremely true, factual, and hopefully effective if the individuals you are targeting with this message heed your advice. I can attest to the validity of what you have offered here. Therapy saved my life. Self examination has been the only thing that has helped me change my behavior. Self awareness is often our of my grasp. 

It's only been by friends laying out the realities of my actions and emotions that I've seen what's really wrong with me. Debbie you have personally done this from time to time directly through phone calls and one on one time or through your writings. Lately I've given in to giving up. I honestly have done the opposite. Haven't prayed but just relied on venting all the time to cope. It's less effective... this article is somewhat of a wake up call. 

Genuine question and I expect a practical answer from you: How can you continue to improve when momentum is gone? When friends fail you? When circumstances are too overwhelming? When you become lazy or use excuses? How do you get out of that pattern? I'll call you guys out if your answer is unsatisfactory! 

My Response:  Dear S, First of all, what is up with you asking the most difficult earth shattering questions? That's how you roll, though, isn't it? It's a good question, to be sure...and a hard one. How does one go on in the face of disappointment, disillusionment, pain, and a lack of motivation. This could be an entire article on it's own.

Your question was how do you keep improving, and I want to stop you there...because in my opinion, sometimes staying the same in such difficult times is just as good as improving. Letting the waves crash without causing you to topple over, much less thinking about trying to take steps forward through them. I think we all know when we have reached that most difficult place, and have to be careful not to put too many expectations upon ourselves through such hard times.

On the other hand, there are times when the storm lets up...and we can't use the pain of the past to keep us in the same place. For me personally, I have a hard time moving through such times alone, and I find that surrounding myself with people who help move me forward- friends, family, mentors, counselors- is sometimes what I need to draw upon their strength just so that I can get back on my own two feet and move forward.

Only you know where you are at right now...and how far you can push yourself. Strive to do what you can in the day to day, and to make the best choices in the current hour you are living through, rather than putting so many expectations on yourself for what is to come.

There is always a time for growth and moving forward...but for you, maybe that time isn't now. Maybe it's a time to be still and steady, and keep yourself from moving backwards. Hope that gives some perspective.
 _____

Thanks S, for always having such insight into your life...I think right now, this is a season for you just to be still...and know that He is God.  That's actually sometimes the hardest part.  I think sometimes we put more on ourselves than He ever would.  Praying for you, and thankful that you have a heart to help others even in the midst of your own struggles.  To me, that is true healing.  Give yourself some credit for that.  

Love you, homegirl. 

  

Kiwis, Sex Trafficking, and Broken Hearts: What You Can Do About It:

2 Corinthians 1:4
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

I opened a devastating email from the president of  War International (Women at Risk).  It was about a baby called "Sweetie" from South Asia who is being held captive in the Red Light District, chained to a pole, and withheld from love and affection.  She is being raised in this way so as to get her accustomed to the life of prostitution that she will one day enter.

The WAR team was sneaking into the brothel where she was being raised, under the guise of "customers", but really there to hold bible studies for the women, and have some time to hold and rock the baby, praying for her fervently with each rock.

A innocent baby, being neglected and abused at the hands of sex traffickers.  This is happening today.  Right now.  As you read these words.   

Devastation is all around us. 

This morning I walked into the grocery store and saw a man holding a baby that looked to be his granddaughter.  He was so enthralled with her that he was blocking the entry way, so I excused myself, made a kind comment, and passed by.  He found me later in one of the aisles and explained to me that he was holding his baby granddaughter, who he hasn't seen for 3 weeks.

He went onto explain that he has been home, non-stop, caring for his son around the clock- who is dying of a brain tumor.  That son also happens to be the father of this little baby girl.  This 18 year old son has been through extensive chemo and radiation, and now is home with hospice care, just waiting to die.  The man welled up with tears telling me his story.

Broken hearts are all around us. 

I asked for his son's name, and told him I would be praying for his son...and then I reached out my hand and asked him if I could pray...now.  He looked honored and surprised, and accepted my request.

There we stood, in front of the kiwis and mangoes, with all the world passing us by.  They were there to get their groceries, but we were there calling on the God who had more on his mind than fruits and vegetables...this was a God moment, to be sure.  Even in the middle of a grocery store. 

When we finished praying, he said to me "I am overwhelmed...I want you to know that I will never forget this moment as long as I live".

The moment a random stay-at-home mom, in yoga pants and a sweatshirt...took time out of her "busy life" to look at the devastation and broken hearts around her, and do something about it.

Don't get me wrong, I am no superhero....far from it.  In fact, I don't think I could have found anything EASIER to do than pray...I didn't offer money, I didn't provide my counseling services, and I didn't heal his son...

But we connected. Two broken people connected before an Almighty God.  A God who heals, a God who comforts, a God who cares. 

Sometimes you read those emails....about poor little babies in South Asia, and the incredible women who are taking the time to risk their lives to visit this baby and disciple these broken women of the Red Light District...

You read these emails and you look at the devastation that surrounds and you think, wow, I have got nothing to offer...

You are so terribly wrong.  

Not only do you have something to offer, you have EVERYTHING.  There is comfort that has been poured out to you on behalf of an Almighty God...so that you, can comfort others.


The problem is not whether or not we have something to offer, it's whether or not we allow ourselves to take the TIME.  

The time to step out of our selfish, superficial worlds, and look around. 

Most of the Things You Worry About Never Happen...But if They Do:

Acts 7:54-60
⁵⁴ When the members of the Sanhedrin heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him. ⁵⁵ But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. ⁵⁶ “Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.”
 ⁵⁷ At this they covered their ears and, yelling at the top of their voices, they all rushed at him, ⁵⁸ dragged him out of the city and began to stone him. Meanwhile, the witnesses laid their coats at the feet of a young man named Saul.
 ⁵⁹ While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” ⁶⁰ Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep. 

What are your greatest fears?  

What are the things that keep you up at night...just worrying?  Worry: the act of thinking negatively about things (that might I add...may never happen...). 

If you're anything like me, it's easy to let your brain get carried away and your mind wander.  All of the things that could happen, that might happen, that should happen.  What if they do?  What would I do?  How would I survive?

And so we busy ourselves with the worries of our world...

This passage in Acts was a so refreshing for me to read and discuss yesterday in our bible study small group.  I know it's usually focused on the martyrdom of a man, who gave it all for Jesus...but for me, I saw it in a totally different light.

I saw a man who faced one of the greatest fears ever known to man...the fear of death.  A man who may have had a wife and children, family and friends...who suddenly found himself facing the painful sting of death...reaching the moment where life as he knew it would come to an end.

Sometimes I fear death.  It's all around us.  Grandparents dying of old age...parents becoming ill...tragedies of wives, husbands, and children...sometimes it makes me fear death too.

But more than that...I fear other things.  Smaller than death.  Illness...loneliness...depression.  Pain...betrayal...conflict.  The list goes on and on. There are so many things to fear if we are looking for them.  One reason I love this passage so much is because to me, it's a model of how we should face our greatest fears.

It's the story of a man who had to face his greatest fears...and the story of a God who wouldn't let him face those fears alone.

It's a story of the man who did not have the strength to look death in the eye...and the story of a God who became His strength.

You see, in the worst moment of this man's life- God showed up.  At the most horrific second...Jesus was right there.  He blinded Stephen's vision from the terrors of this world until all that he could see was the glory of God. In the worst moment...He became his vision.  He became all that he could see.

I am filled with hope as I walk through this life that God will give me what I need...when I need it.  Sometimes I allow myself to worry, and think "I don't have the strength..." rather, I should be thankful that I don't have the strength...because I don't need it!

You see, God doesn't give you the strength to face your fears...until the moment you have to face them. He doesn't give you the ability to handle your worries...but He gives you the wisdom to hand your worries to Him.  

"Even though I walk through the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me..."

Be assured, as you look ahead at the fires of life...and know that as you walk through the fire...you will never be alone.  

Those Are Some Very Nice Ashes:

Isaiah 61:3
To give them a crown in place of ashes, oil of joy in place of mourning, praise in place of discouragement... 

I found myself getting discouraged last week.  It was one of those weeks in which I felt overwhelmed by the suffering and sorrow around me.  Not sure if you know this, but people are hurting in some really serious ways.  Friends, family, and clients.  It was just one of those days.  I had just finished listening to stories of brokenness, pain, and sadness only to be ushered into more. 


Sometimes it seems as though all this life has to offer is pain.  The truth is, I almost gave into that discouragement. 

And then I saw God at work. 


I met a young man recently who is climbing out of some serious pain...into something beautiful.  I see God at work in His life, and I am watching Him take this pile of ashes- and turn them into something incredible. 

I witnessed an artist a few months ago, take some dirty ashes on a plain piece of paper- and within just a few moments, out of the ashes I could see the most incredible picture.  She painted the most beautiful painting I had ever seen.


I'm reminded of this painting as I witness the life of this young man.  I'm reminded of a God who takes the most horrific and twisted pile of ashes we have to offer- put them into his nail pierced hands, and begin to work.  It takes paint to create something nice, but it takes ashes to create something incredibly beautiful.  The real beauty lies in the artist's ability to create something out of nothing. 

It's true.  He can do that.  And he does it every day.  I need to remember that as I look into the pain of the people around me, and as I look into the sorrows from my own life.  For every person caught in a pit of ashes, there is the hope for something beautiful. 

Will you allow Him to begin his masterpiece?

Do I really believe this stuff?

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

My belief in this verse and my confidence in the God of these words was put to the test last week.  My husband and I drove out to visit a dear relative suffering from a terrible illness.  We went to help, we hoped to encourage.  But somehow when you choose to bless others, you are always humbled at the way that you yourself are blessed by them. 

In this situation, this was especially true.

I've always imagined the thought of losing a loved one to illness or death.  Whenever I hear of someone struggling physically, it always seems to darken my spirit.  Ironically, I'm a therapist who deals with some of the most emotionally painful situations a human being should never have to go through.  But at the end of the day, there is always hope in the emotional.  There is always a chance for healing, for those who want it.

Physical pain, on the other hand, seems to make me feel a little more helpless.  There is only so much that can be done.  Doctors are incredible, and God is the great Healer- but ultimately, our mortal bodies are slaves to this thing called the grave.  Our bodies are temporary.  And one day our spirits will find a new home.  An eternal home. 

As freeing as this thought is to the believer in Christ- it also carries a tremendous amount of sadness.  I struggle with the truth that our bodies are just bodies...and one day they will see their last breath.  That means my body, as well.  But even more difficult for me, is the though of one day losing those I love.  My parents.  My friends. My husband. 

Just thinking about this reality can strike a chord of panic in me.  Serious panic. 

But something about experiencing this specific situation of suffering second-hand really challenged me to ask myself:  Do I really believe this stuff?

It's easy to talk, but when difficult situations come a long the reality of our commitment to God is really tested.  Would my relationship come through it?  Would I be able to uphold my end of the bargain and love Him, trust Him, and believe in Him no matter what?

I've struggled with that thought for years.  I read the story of Job and think- seriously??  Who can have that kind of attitude in the face of utter despair?  I doesn't even seem realistic.  "Though he slay me, yet I will trust Him".  I hardly feel that and my life is nothing compared to the difficulties that others go through. 

But, I learned some serious lessons spending time with my family last weekend, specifically, with my cousin who I have come to love and respect greatly.  I watched her in the midst of the most horrific struggle she will ever undergo and I learned this profound lesson: God gives us just what we need...just when we need it.  Not a moment before, and not a moment after.   He has blessed her with a grace and a peace far beyond anything I have experienced in a long time.  He has given her a strength that caused me to step back and take inventory of my own faith.  He comes through with a peace that doesn't even make any sense. I've seen it with my cousin, and I've seen it numerous times in the lives of friends and loved ones. 

Don't get me wrong...there are moments of sheer pain.  There are times of sorrow, sin, and struggle.  But at the end of the day I am encouraged beyond belief to know that my God is going to meet me where I am at, just when I need Him to.  He did it for them, and He does it for countless others...and I know He will do it for me.  I can count on that. 

I don't have to muster up strength in preparation for the difficult times...what a terrible life that would be.  In the Exodus, God provided manna to feed the starving Israelites.  Every day he would provide for them just what they needed.  He even asked them to only take what they needed for that day, requiring them to trust Him again for tomorrow.

And so He will do the same for my starving heart when the need is there.  He will provide nourishment for my hungry spirit just as He promised he would.  I believe this.  And when I don't  feel it, I choose to believe it.  If He is God....He can be trusted.

A Spirit of Lent all Year Long:

Matthew 26:39

“My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.  Yet not as I will, but as you will.

The Gospels give a graphic account of the agony and desperation Jesus felt as he faced going to the cross.  What must have made it incredibly difficult is that he knew everything that was going to happen (John 18:4). 

According to Matthew 26:38 he said to 3 of his closest followers, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.”  He asked them to “pray and keep watch with me”.  Then he prayed in desperation.  As Luke 22:44 says, “Being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood.”  

Talk about intense prayer.  In the Matthew account it says he prayed 3 times what is quoted above.  "Not as I will, but as You will".  How incredible.  When faced with the hardest circumstance conceivable he yielded his will to his Father and subjected himself to the worst kind of treatment imaginable—being mocked, beaten, humiliated and then crucified.  All because he loved us so deeply that he was willing to give all of himself up for our redemption.

I don’t mean to dwell on the gruesome, but during this season of Lent I am always gripped with all that Jesus was willing to do- all that was required of him- to provide my redemption.  

Fortunately, the suffering did not have the last word.  Death and the grave couldn’t hold him or keep him.  He rose victorious and triumphant over death and the grave.  All for us.  Consequently, I am delivered from the penalty I would have coming because of my sin.  Because he has overcome, so can I.  I can live victoriously and as a follower of Jesus reap the blessing of a purposeful, substantive, and meaningful life now and at the same time enjoy the hope of eternity to come.

In this season of Lent, I am amazed all over again with all that Jesus was willing to do for me—all that he was willing to give up (his very life)!  

And I am convicted with the need to give up my all for him.  I hope it’s not a cop out, but I don’t usually give up anything in particular during this time.  However. this year I have set a goal of losing 5 lbs.  It seems trivial, but it is something I need to do.  

What I really want to also do is give myself completely up for him all year.  It’s a continual struggle.  If I’m honest, too often I tend to do what I want or try to get my way.  Then I’m reminded of Jesus words, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”  (Luke 9:23)  

Thank God for his grace because I fail often.  Yet at the same time I pray continually to keep my heart submitted to him and yielded to his purpose and will.  This is my goal now and always. 

Pastor Omar Zook

Pastor Zook is the Pastor for Pastoral Care at the Evangelical Free Church of Hershey.

Why Japan Matters To Us: On Suffering & Hope

Revelation 21:4
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

I'm sure you've heard by now about the tragedy happening in Japan after the 8.9 magnitude Earthquake that devastated the country on Friday afternoon.  The earthquake triggered a massive tsunami that brought even more death and destruction to the already wounded country. 

Things like this don't always hit home for those of us who live in distant lands, surrounded by comfort and even luxuries.  And when the news finally does sink in, we are left confused, questioning a God who says He cares and who says that He will take care of us.  How can we make sense of the tragedy in our lives in the shadow of an all-powerful, all-loving God?

Either He is lying...or He doesn't really care.  That's what it seems like at times, doesn't it?

Last weekend at church I was really moved by a message addressing this issue.  Long before the devastation in Japan, these questions have been asked by men and women all through history.  Men and women trying to make sense of the pain in our worlds while believing in the power of our God. 

The pastor explained this concept by separating "this age" from "the age to come".  

Some see "this age" as our current world: filled with destruction, death, and pain.  They await the "coming age" when there will be no more tears or sorrow...the day when Jesus will come back to rescue His people.
For these people, life can be very black and white.  They tolerate today, rather than thriving in it, in hopes of a better tomorrow.

Others believe that once Jesus came, "the age to come" had arrived.  That every tear would be immediately wiped from our eyes, and that Jesus would bring healing, success, and prosperity to those who believed.  For these people, discouragement is just around the corner when they are hit with disease, financial difficulty, and persecution.

So how can we make sense of this?  If Jesus is alive and powerful, why do we still suffer?  Whey do we still mourn?  Why is life still filled with hardships and strife?  Why is there still cancer, AIDS, and childhood trauma?

The pastor posed that it is because there is in overlap between "this age" (the time of Jesus entering our world as a baby) and "the age to come" (the second coming of Jesus).  The coming of Jesus DID bring hope, healing and new life.  It broke the chains of death and despair.  People who give their lives to this higher calling are filled with hope and freed from the pain of sin and death.  They are changed.  They are transformed.  I don't just believe this concept...I am living proof.  Jesus has brought hope into my life, freedom from addictions, and a peace that doesn't even make sense.  And I have seen him do the same and more in the lives of those around me.   

But this is not the end of the road.  Though Jesus brought rays of sunshine into the dark clouds of our lives, there is still something even greater that is to come.  There will be a day when these dark clouds dissolve and the face of God will bring the never-ending light of hope into our lives...forever and ever. 

You see my friends, this world is just the appetizer.  It is not meant to fill us because it can't.  But the main course is just around the corner to those who persevere.  There will be joys in this world, but there will also be pain...until the day that "every tear will be wiped away".

God is still alive and at work in our lives...preparing our hearts and the hearts of those around us for the day when He will have the final say.  Press on.  Have hope.  This is not the end of the story. 

As we meditate on the life of Jesus during this season of Lent, we are thankful, God, for the hope that you brought into our world.  We are grateful that you chose to bring your sunshine into our dark lives through the birth of your Son Jesus and through His death.  And we are hopeful, awaiting the day when you will come again, wiping every tear from our eye and bringing an irreplaceable joy.  Amen. 

"And you will never be completely happy on earth simply because you were not made for earth. 

Oh, you will have your moments of joy. You will catch glimpses of light. You will know moments or even days of peace. But they simply do not compare with the happiness that lies ahead....
 
Those moments are appetizers for the dish that is to come."--Max Lucado

God, Google, and Suicide: Thoughts On Suffering

Exodus 3:7
The LORD said, “I have indeed seen the misery of my people... I have heard them crying out...and I am concerned about their suffering."

I was browsing through my blog patrol the other day, taking a look at some of my most recent blog visitors, when I came across something rather disturbing.


In the "keyword" section of words searched- I found the phrase 'How to Kill Yourself' .  Apparently, someone had searched that phrase and somehow for some reason unbeknown to me, Google had led them to my blog. 

I immediately felt a sense of sadness thinking that just a few moments ago, some unknown person, for some unknown reason had searched such a heart-breaking phrase.  Questions flooded my mind about who this person was, what they were like, and why they may have been searching such a morbid phrase.  I wondered if they were in pain, or suffering.  I wondered if they were alone.  I wondered if they felt loved.   These questions I will never know the answer to, but one thing I DO know: God cares.

According to this passage in Exodus, God's emotions are moved in response to ours.  He is concerned about the things that break our heart and cause us pain.  He is affected by our suffering, and He listens when we cry out. There is something amazing about a God who would take the time to feel for people like you and me...for people like this individual, searching for a way out of their suffering and their pain.,

After the sadness subsided, and I grasped the reality that this individual was in the end led to my blog- I felt a sense of responsibility.  What had I posted that day?  What message did I send?  How seriously did I take my words?  I felt a sense of responsibility, not just in my blogging, but in all areas of my life.  It just really hit me that you never really know who is suffering around you.  You never really know the emotional state of the person in line behind you, the woman sitting next to you on the train, the man shaking your hand at church.  

It reminded me of a story I had heard from a friend of mine last week- about the tragic suicide of one of his friends.  An educated, well-to-do man who seemed to have it all together.

You never really know, unless you take the time to find out...to show some concern...and to allow your self-absorbed self to take a moment off in order to look into the eyes of another.  We are all living this life together, fellow travelers on the same road, all walking toward the final destination of love.

Christians, may we take the time to recognize this as we live our day to day lives.  May we find a moment to really invest into the words we write, and the things we speak.  May we learn to take seriously our interactions with others, and begin to show some concern for the sufferings of our fellow man.  Because you'll never really know, unless you take the time to find out. 

Lord, break our hearts for the things that break yours. 

"The Everlasting Manna"- (Willy Wonka's Got Nothing on this One)

Exodus 16: 4
Then the LORD said to Moses, “I will rain down bread [manna] from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions.

I was talking to a friend the other day who was discussing how incredible it has been watching God provide for her.  Every day- somehow and some way- she gets through.  Her days have been hard...dealing with some incredibly difficult things...yet, everyday God pours down the grace she needs for that day.

Maybe you, too, are going through a trying time in your life.  There may be moments, or even days when it seems like your body is ready to shut down and you wonder how you will make it through. 

What I find astonishing is that for many Christians...getting to that point in life brings with it a sense of shame and humiliation.  Christians somehow have believed the lie that we are supposed to be strong, smiling individuals 95% of the time.  As if God requires his children to be perfectly happy and strong every moment of every day. 

If you think about it, that is exactly the opposite of the truth.  What makes a Christian truly a Christian comes down to one basic thing: their need for a Savior.  This need doesn't end at the point of salvation- it begins there. 

All throughout scripture we are faced with men and women who are crying out to God every single day...crying for healing, crying for hope, crying for joy...and even crying out for food.  The bible talks again and again about a God who comes for the needy and the sick....a God who answers those who are broken and hopeless....a God whose strength is offered once our strength begins to run out. 

And that is where we should find ourselves day after day...crying out for our daily bread.  Crying out for our Savior.  There is something terribly wrong if you find yourself as a Christian with little need for God's intervention on a daily basis. 

But for the rest of you....rejoice.  Rejoice because the quantity of your needs will never supersede the quality of his desire to quench and fulfill your needs.  Every last one.  And He will always be just in time. 

You see, Heaven will be filled with needy people....people who have finally made their way to the ultimate fulfillment of their every need.  The one true source of everlasting manna.   

A Picture of A Thousand Wounds:

Psalm 139:14 NIV
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
       your works are wonderful,
       I know that full well.

Psalm 139:13-16 The Message
 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
      you formed me in my mother's womb.
   I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
      Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
      I worship in adoration—what a creation!
   You know me inside and out,
      you know every bone in my body;
   You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
      how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
   Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
      all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
   The days of my life all prepared
      before I'd even lived one day. 

Okay, so I'll admit.  I was watching Dr. Phil the other day.  Don't tune out yet...

In all seriousness, the show was about men and women whose lives had been destroyed by childhood bullying.  It was sobering to see adults in their 30's and 40's, carrying around the wounds of their past.  Memories still fresh in their minds, haunting them and bringing tears to their eyes.

Words, simple words, that had shaped their identities and their worth. 

At first it can be difficult to understand how mature adults can carry around childhood experiences in such a significant way.  It's hard to understand how these seemingly meaningless events could have such weight in a person's life.  But the reality is, childhood is a significant period of our lives.

Children are born as blank slates- ready to take in whatever the world has to offer them.  I think of them like a white canvas, taking on the colors and the textures of everything and everyone they come into contact with.  For the lucky ones, they can go home to a safe place where the bad colors can be washed off and replaced with true beauty.  But for many others- this filtering process is not available in their home due to brokenness and sin.  So, they take in whatever words are thrown at them- whether true or false.

These words are internalized, and eventually, become the constant voice playing in their mind, reminding them of "who they are".  There are many men and women walking around with false voices playing in their heads...voices of shame, of guilt, of fear.  Voices that bring false accusations.  Voices that steal beauty and joy.  Voices that declare brokenness, stupidity, and worthlessness.

My heart goes out to these men and women.  My heart goes out to them because there is a piece of them in all of us.  At some point, we have all experienced the pain of lies that have made a home in our hearts.  We have all let these false doctrines slip into our minds- bypassing the filtering system that God has given us to sort out the fantasy from the reality.

And all of us share one thing in common: a need for redemption.  A need for the redemption of our hearts and minds.  Redemption of our self-worth and our value.  A need for God to step in and help us sort out the jumbled mess of our identities.  To take back what has been won over by the Prince of Lies.  To reinstall in us a filtering system- allowing only His truth to pass through and enter in.

This takes hard work.  For some, this work can be done through their personal willingness coupled with the power of the Holy Spirit, and for others the words may have sunk in so deep that they need professional help sorting through.  But either way, there is a place to begin- and that place is in God's truth.

These verses are found in the middle of the bible...because in my opinion, they are central to the needs of men and women across all race and ages.  The need for value.  The need to be known.  The need to be praised and adored.  God knows these things, and he takes each need one by one...offering it in bold colors and coloring over the canvas of shame with this beautiful truth. 

Take these words one by one, and allow the brush strokes of God's words to wash over the pain of your past.  This is reality.  This is truth.  May it color over every part of your broken canvas today....

Like A Father Carries His Son: Part I

Deuteronomy 1:29-31
²⁹ Then I said to you, "Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. ³⁰ The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, ³¹ and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place."

The other day my friend and I were discussing how wonderful it is to see a man with his baby.  There is something refreshing about witnessing the strength and safety of a man's arms, holding a vulnerable little baby.  There is something beautiful about seeing the gentleness of a man brought out by the little child in his grasp.  He is utterly responsible for this little one, and in daddy's arms there is no safer place. 

I have always loved this verse because it describes so well the safety we can feel in the arms of God. 

Whether single or married, many times as adults life can get to a place where we feel we are fighting the battle alone.  We are walking along the journey of life feeling depressed and discouraged.  We are at the end of ourselves, broken and weak- having no strength left carry on. 

The unfortunate thing is, many times we try to hide this state of weakness from the world, putting on our disguises and masquerading around as if everything is quite fine.  We are afraid to show weakness.  We are afraid to be vulnerable.  We are afraid to be real.  Somehow, we have learned to believe that Christians should never be broken.  That they should have it all together, all the time.  That discouragement and despair are a sign of a lack of faith or closeness to God.  We have it all wrong. 

As the bible says, Christ did not come for the healthy...but for the sick.  He came for the broken, the weak, the tired and the weary.  He came for those who are able to recognize their need....for those who are able to cry out in despair, like a desperate child raising up his hands for help.  To them that realize they are dying...to them who are willing to lay down their lives.  The beauty is, in Christianity- this is where salvation is found.  It is only when we are at the end of ourselves that God can begin to offer Himself. 

He reaches down and carries us, when we can't walk anymore.  Like a father carries his son, He picks us up off our feet and gently cradles us in His strong arms.  And He doesn't let us down until it's safe.  Until he knows we are strong enough to handle it.  Until we have felt His closeness.  Until we have recognized how important it us to rely on Him. 

My favorite description of this verse is found in Rob Bell's video Nooma: Rain.  He describes an experience he had with his son one day, and how it made this verse come to life.  He describes the beauty that can be found in suffering, because it is in suffering that we are cradled like children in the arms of a loving God. 

What do you need?  Are you at the end of yourself?  May you cry out to Him today.  May you let Him pick you up off your feet and carry you like a Father carries his son. 

On Easter: I'll take the Power and pass on the Suffering

Philippians 3:10-12
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

With Easter Sunday just around the corner, this verse seems fitting to meditate on.  There is so much that can be said of Easter, of the holiday that symbolizes the death of Christ culminating in victory over sin, over pain, over death.  There is so much to be said of the Love that was so freely given to save a people who were so undeserving.  There is so much to be said of a God who chose to give up His power and to humble himself, taking on the form of a man in order to bring salvation.

There is so much to be said of such a glorious display of affection...but more-so, there is so much to be learned. 

Paul puts it so well as he reflects on the beautiful and terrible death of our Lord and savior when he says: I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His suffering. 

You see, for each one of us....simply reflecting on this glorious display of affection means nothing for the individual soul until one is willing to pursue it.  Until one is willing to accept it.  Until one is willing to allow it to change their lives. 

For those reading this who do not have a relationship with Christ this means one thing: turning to Christ, acknowledging your sinful state, accepting that He so lovingly gave His life to save yours, and pursuing a relationship with him. 

But what about us who already believe?  How can this glorious display of affection continue to change and mold us even after the point of salvation?  How can we get past the point of complacency and being so accustomed to this blessed day that it no longer moves us, no longer challenges us, no longer transforms us?  According to Paul, knowledge brings our salvation from this detrimental apathy.

From the day of  his salvation, Paul spent every moment of his life in pursuit of this one thing: knowledge of Christ.  He wanted to know Christ in every aspect.  He wanted to understand Him in his most powerful moments and in the depths of His suffering.  He understood that true intimacy involved such depths of understanding.  Becoming like the One he loved in every way. He realized that the more he identified with Christ, the greater his appreciation for His sacrifice would be. 

For so many of us, that is an easy thing to say when we are talking in sharing in the power of Christ.  But what about in His suffering?  Do we long to know Christ, even in His suffering?  Do we long to take on a glimpse of the pain of Calvary?  Do we cherish opportunities to humble ourselves as an act of love to those around us?  Do we take the chance to get on our knees and wash the feet of those who have the capacity to betray us?  Do we really allow the pain in our lives to shape us into the face of Christ? 

Can we identify with His broken heart, in pieces for the lost souls surrounding Him?  Can we say in the midst of our betrayal that we long for the Father to forgive our betrayers?  Can we shed tears of anguish for the unity we long to have with our Father? 

Christians, do we long to know Christ in the fellowship of His suffering?

This Easter Sunday, we have a blessed opportunity to gaze upon the sacrifice and victory of our Lord.  We have the opportunity to identify with Him, giving ourselves over to the same power that conquered the grave to be at work in our lives.  We have the opportunity, also, to connect with Him on an even greater level...to join with Him in His suffering.  To allow the glimpse of suffering we have felt or may be feeling this very moment to be yet one more thing that draws us into greater intimacy with our Lord. 

May we take the invitation as we gaze upon the cross and look upon the empty tomb, to share with Him in the power of His resurrection, and have the courage to take part with Him in the fellowship of His suffering. 

"Limping Through Life": What To Do About Suffering....

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

First of all I have to begin by saying I can't take credit for the following post, because most of the ideas and challenges in here are a reflection of my favorite sermon.  I was given this sermon by a young man many years ago.  To be honest, before I wrote this post I didn't remember who the pastor was that preached it, and I didn't remember what church he came from- but I do remember that this sermon changed my perspective on suffering and weakness, and in turn, my life. 

I remember hearing this sermon about suffering.  It was delivered by a man who had been through some serious suffering in his own life, having lost both his wife and his daughter unexpectedly.  Both traumas happening within the same few years.  This man- unfortunately- was credible, because he knew suffering, and he knew it all too well. 

He began the sermon by describing a man he had met who was struggling with an addiction, daily having to ward off the temptation to give in to his "forbidden fruit".  The man was discouraged, he felt defeated, as though he was limping through life rather than walking strong.

The pastor described this concept of "limping through life".  The struggles that come with every step.  For some, an addiction.  For others, anxiety or depression.  Fears, grief, disease, illness, loss, divorce, sexual struggles...things that hinder us from walking strong and uninhibited, forcing us to limp through life every step of the way. 

He went on to describe to characters from the bible- one with a limp, one without. 

The first character was the paralytic, who sat by the pool of Bethesda (John 5).  This young man was paralyzed for many years, with no one to help him.  He pitied himself, and struggled with the pain of his condition. 
One day, Jesus went to the pool of Bethesda and found this paralytic.  He said to him, "You are healed!".  In an instant, the man picked ran outside in joy- healed in every way.  100% healing.  It was a miracle...

The man ran outside immediately, excited to tell his friends and family.  On his way home, he ran into the Pharisees, who recognized this man as the paralytic.  Surprised, they asked, "Who healed you?!" 

And sadly, the man responded, "I don't know".  He had been so excited to receive his healing, that he never took the time to get to know his Healer.  He missed out on the person of Jesus Christ.

The second man described in the sermon has quite the opposite story.  Jacob, was a man who walked with a limp (Genesis 32).  He walked with a limp because one evening he met with God himself.  The bible says he "wrestled" with God.  Some say this was a literal wrestling, as he was desperate to receive God's hand of blessing on his life.  Others see it as an emotional and spiritual battle...either way, one thing is for sure- at the end of the wrestling match- Jacob walked with a limp. 

He had been left with an injury that served as a reminder with every aching step that he was a man who was desperate for the blessing of a loving God. 

One man walked without a limp- but in his healing, did not experience intimacy with Christ.
The other walked with a painful step- but every step drew him closer into the arms of a loving God.

There is truth in God's word when he talks to us about seeing Him through our weakness, because truly, that is where God is made strong.  In our weakness, that is when we are humble enough to listen to His voice.  In our weakness, there is an ache that draws us ever so frequently into the arms of our Savior. 

So today, my friends, boast in your weakness.  Today, choose to see Christ in your weakness.  Today, allow yourself to see your pain and your suffering as an avenue of experiencing Christ in a real and genuine way...in an intimate way.  For there is no greater place for His grace to be made perfect but in our weakness.  Amen. 


Take some time to Hear the sermon for yourself, it will change your life:  Limping Through Life

Moments in the Desert:

This is one of the first reflections I wrote a few years ago...in fact, it's this reflection that inspired me to pursue stillness in the first place. May it do the same for you.

Hosea 2:13
“She decked herself with rings and jewelry, and went after her lovers, but me she forgot”, declares the Lord. “Therefore, I am now going to allure her. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.”

I wake up, wishing I could sleep just a little longer, and drag myself out of bed. The main thing on my mind is my self. What to wear. Brush my teeth. Look in the mirror. Think of my schedule. List of to-do’s.

And I am consumed- even if so innocently- consumed with myself. I am the love of my life at these shallow moments of waking. Stripped of all my inhibitions, when no one is looking, I find that there is only myself. I am the lover of my own soul.

Like the woman in Hosea, I continue on through the day, only aware of myself, living to please myself, to impress those around me with beauty, humor, spirituality and good deeds.

And all the while, despite my selfishness, God is beckoning for me to come. “Come to my side, come and meet me. Come, put yourself aside and walk toward my voice”. Beckoning faithfully, he whispers to me throughout the day alluring me with His words of love.

And when I am finally able to follow his voice, he takes me and strips me of my “decent” appearance, and pulls me into the dry desert so that my wandering eyes have no where else to look but to Him. And there he speaks to me, there he gently reminds me that this world has so very little to offer. There, he tenderly tells me that I am his beloved, and He is mine. There he tells me that this is where the greatest joys can be found. And he is right, because only there, have I ever felt such love. And it is beautiful and perfect with Him. And I find that He is all that I ever wanted and needed.

I leave the desert and enter into my life again. This time, the world becomes so gray unless it is identified with Him- for now I realize there is nothing worth glancing at, nothing worth aiming for, nothing worth investing in- unless it can bring me back to Him.

Lord, pull me into solitude with you...speak tenderly to your child. Be the lover that consumes my mind this day.