My Olympic Boyfriend: Falling in love with a dream

 
While watching the Olympics tonight, somehow my husband and I got on the topic of falling in love. 

It's amazing how enamored society gets with the Olympics, but more so, with the Olympian athletes.  There is something very appealing about these young men and women.  Hard working, dedicated, fit, good looking athletes who are in the national spotlight.  There is something just so "dreamy" about them, isn't there?  The truth is, my husband and I know people who are completely obsessed with these people on TV, cheering for them, following them, supporting them, and ultimately idolizing them.  People who have pretty much fallen "in love" with these celebrity athletes from a distance.  Athletes and celebrities, movie stars and musicians, story characters...and even coworkers.  People are falling in love with them every single day. 

I think there is something about the invisible that makes it attractive, something about the unknown that is appealing.  Something about keeping people at a distance, that makes us want them even more... 

Which explains why so many men and women today are falling in love with a dream.  Someone that doesn't really exist.  Taking the character of someone they don't really know and adding the story they created that doesn't really exist.  Falling in love with a dream, falling in love with an idea, falling in love with a lie. 

The dangerous thing about this concept is that it is not contained within the walls of innocent Hollywood crushes.  It goes beyond that, and begins to take the form of fantasy in other areas of life.  Fantasy in living in what could be, rather than living in the reality of what actually is. 

From pornography, to affairs, to toxic relationships.  In each of these you will find men and women, imprisoned within the confines of a dream.  Stuck in a life they make up with people who don't actually exist...

The married man who glances at the beautiful office secretary, mentally engaging in a relationship with her...forgetting her flaws, neglecting her deficits...

The housewife, trapped in the fantasy and excitement of her romance novels, leaving her own reality behind...

The young woman stuck in an abusive marriage, making excuses and living for the dream of who he could be rather than acknowledging who he actually is....

The young man, fascinated by the beautiful images on his computer screen, growing numb to the beauty of the real woman in his life...

There is something powerful about living in a dream, but there is something even more paralyzing about it. 

When we live in a dream, we lose sight of what's real. We exchange our realities for something that can never actually exist.  We live for what could be, and end up missing what really is.  And in the end...we are led into disappointment, disillusionment, and destruction.   

We set ourselves up for failure by seeking to find this thing that doesn't actually exist, setting expectations that cannot actually be met by ourselves much less anyone else. 

When we live in a dream, we stop really living.  

Though it might not be as easy as a Hollywood romance, real life and real relationships are well worth the investment.  With the help of God's grace, forgiveness, and selflessness...they can flourish into far greater than a simple dream, because they can become your magnificent reality.   

Close your eyes to the temptation of fantasy, and instead, allow yourself to be freed into the reality of the here and now.  Allow yourself to truly live. 

Facebook & The Dangers of Social Pornography:

Matthew 7:6
Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.

I finally picked up Rob Bell's book, Sex God, last month when my husband and I were on vacation.  A few friends had recommended it and I decided to give it a read.

Funny thing is, out of all the things he said one of the smallest phrases caught my eye and has since then been transformational in my personal life.  I forget the exact quote, but he was talking about the dangers of sexuality taken out of proper context (particularly sexualization in media, pornography, etc.).

He explained in that chapter that when the sacredness of sexuality is exposed in such a meaningless way...it loses it's sacredness.  He went on to talk about how some of the most intimate moments between he and his wife are meant to be shared only by them.  No third parties allowed.  Because in an essence, the exclusivity of those things are what makes them so meaningful...so sacred.

I love that idea, and I believe it wholeheartedly when it comes to the area of sex and sexuality within the context of a marriage.  But you know, it got me thinking about the reality of these concepts within the context of our social world. 

Before I explain, let me start off by saying I love social media.  I'm a huge fan of Facebook.  I love it's ability to connect me with friends and family.  I love that I can post pictures of my daughter for my in-laws who live in Chicago, and within moments they can see her smiling face.  I love connecting with others, planning events, and keeping track with what everyone else is doing when I don't always have the time for a 30 minute phonecall....with 10 people.

But I've also learned that there can be a huge danger in this kind of "connecting".  In an essence, there are times when the online world acts like a kind of social pornography.  It allows for us to "connect" with people for the sake of connecting rather than for the sake of living, gratifying an urge inside of us momentarily.  Not allowing us to experience true connection in it's most fulfilling context: real life. 
  
I find it almost humorous when I see status updates talking about "how much fun" someone is having in the moment, or "how incredible" this experience is with their family...because if it's really that great, why are you on Facebook?  There is a tendency to talk about the moment, more than savor the moment.  A tendency to take the sacred things in our lives, and throw them before swine...giving them away to people who don't really care, rather than investing those moments in the people around us who actually, genuinely matter.   

It acts like social pornography, because it gives us a platform to share some really sacred things...some really intimate details...in the context of a meaningless atmosphere.  And in the end...it causes those things to lose their sacredness...

I know this might be a hard bite to chew, and an even harder one to swallow, but hear me on this.  I am speaking to myself just as much as I am to anyone reading.  In focusing so much on our "audience"...I think we've lost the real meaning behind the show.  You see, we can become so focused on the connecting, that we actually take away from the living.

I'm trying to work out these things in my life.  Rather than "status updating" about my sweet daughter every 15 minutes...I'm taking the time to enjoy her...even if no one else knows it but me.  Rather than post about my amazing husband, I'm taking the opportunities to tell him how much I love him...face to face...heart to heart.  Even if no one else hears it.

There is meaning in the sacredness...because these are things that are inherently meaningful. Audience or no audience. 

Don't give in to the false intimacy that comes with social pornography...and make time for the genuine intimacy that comes with the day to day real life.  Make time for the people around you.  Here and now.   



 

Porn, Pain, Problems...and Grace:

Romans 3:23
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Nothing surprises me anymore.  I just learned of a highly respected man from this area who committed suicide, a doctor who was caught harboring child pornography, and a school administrator who was involved in drugs.  Add that to the list of problems and pain I see in my counseling office, and you'll quickly understand why my shock radar is completely dead.  Sexual abuse.  Drug addictions.  Theft.  Infidelity.  Compulsive Lying.  Self-mutilation. 

Nothing surprises me anymore.

Time and time again I've seen the evidence of our fallen human nature.  Men and women, seemingly put together on the outside- the house, the cars, the clothes- but behind their mask there hides the face of their own "fallenness". 

Sometimes I see things so extreme that I have a silly tendency to sit back and think, "How do people end up in such awful places?"  I get confused sometimes, as if I- by my own doing- have made the best choices in my life. 

But then Jesus gently reminds me of my own desperate need.  He reminds me that the only reason I am even surviving without the mask is because He has graciously taken it from me, and nailed it to the cross.  He reminds me that I, too, have the capacity for things far more horrid than this, and that I am only rescued by His grace. 

A grace that knows what I'm capable of, yet loves me still.

There, but for the grace of God, go I.   --  John Bradford

The Darkness Inside:

Psalm 51:10
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

"To defeat the darkness out there, you must defeat the darkness inside yourself."-- Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

It's easy to focus on the darkness "out there".  I mean, there's so much of it.  Turn on any news station, pick up any magazine or newspaper, or surf the web at any given moment and you'll be bombarded by a flood of never-ending darkness.  Crimes, death, natural disaster, scandal, poverty.  It's all around us.  


It's easy to find our hearts united in a desire for justice.  A desire to rid the world of all it's filth.  To pick it up, dust it off, and make it all better.  


My heart resonates with that longing.  It's a real part of me.  I long to shine a light in this darkness.  And I am pursuing that. 


But for the first time in my life, God has been challenging me to take a good hard look at the darkness inside.


You see, in defeating the darkness inside is the first step to having victory over the darkness out there.  There is some serious truth in that statement.  God longs for us to take a look at ourselves as the first component to the problems around us.  


Want peace on earth?  Work on the relationships in your life that are in need of peace.
Want to tackle greed in corporate America?  Take a look in the materialism in your own home.
Want to overcome global poverty?  Take accountability of your own selfishness.
Want to get rid of the pornography industry?  Ask God to cleanse you of your own lusts. 
Want to do away with abortion?  See how God is calling you to care for the children around you.
Want to put an end to gay marriage?  Maybe it's time to learn the reality of unconditional love.


It's so easy to look at the darkness out there, but so difficult to look at the darkness within.  

I'm grateful for a loving God who doesn't rub my shortcomings in my face, but instead, He rubs them out.  

Lord, help me to search my heart and tackle the darkness from within.  
Create in me a clean heart and a right spirit.  

Jesus Loves Porn Stars:

Luke 19:5-7

 ⁵When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” ⁶ So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly. 

 ⁷ All the people saw this and began to mutter, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinner.” 

I can't get over this book I'm reading, called "Jesus Loves You, This I Know" by Craig Gross and Jason Harper.  It is the book I would have written- if I had thought of it :)  It's filled with incredible stories of what it means to truly reach out and bring the love of Jesus to a lost and broken world.


This last chapter I read really touched my heart.  It's entitled, "Jesus Loves Porn Stars".  In this chapter, Craig writes about his unlikely friendship with one of America's number one Porn Stars: Ron Jeremy.  Through his friendship and interactions with Ron, Craig has gotten a lot of heat from the religious community- claiming that he is putting his family at risk or promoting the porn industry. 

I think just the opposite is happening.  Craig Gross (also known as the Porn Pastor) is bringing Jesus to broken and lost people in a real and tangible way.  You can find him hanging out at Porn Conferences, passing out bibles with his ministry team that say "Jesus Loves Porn Stars"....handing out thousands of God's Word, and meeting some really great people who need a Savior just as much as Craig...just as much as you...just as much as me. 

Jesus did just that.  He brought his love to those who needed it the most.  Christians have a tendency to decide for themselves who could really use the love of God today.  We have a tendency to put people in a box and label them based on our own flawed judgments.  It's easier to judge than to love, isn't it?

Jesus is the only one who actually has a right to judge...but He didn't.  He didn't come to judge the world.  He came to save the world from judgment, knowing that one day judgment would come.  He came to love...to love and be loved.  But mostly, just to love.


He went to the places no one expected Him to go.  He dined with the outcasts, the "porn stars" and the sinners.  He spent time with the crooks and the thieves- in fact, he went to their homes, just to show them how much He loved them. 


He didn't love them for who they could be, he loved them for who they were.  The bible says that while we were STILL filthy in our sin, God sent His son for us...not after we changed, not while we were in the process of changing- but while we were still a mess (Romans 5:8).

Christian, when was the last time YOU went to dine at the house of a "sinner"?  Maybe a better question is, when was the last time you considered YOURSELF a sinner?  A sinner in need of Jesus' love.  A sinner in need of a Savior. 

We get so accustomed to grace that we forget where we came from...and that's a dangerous place to be.  I believe that true compassion comes only from the heart of one who understands...one who can recognize their own needs and short comings.  True compassion comes when we can say,

"Look....I've been there.  Jesus' love changed my life- now let it change yours". 


May we be inspired to live a life of compassion and love.  A life that reaches out to the least of these- because we realize that we were once lost.  A life that lives unashamedly with the purpose of touching the world around us with the love of Jesus.  A love that knows no limits.  A love that knows no bounds. 

And may you...have the grace to understand how much Jesus loves you.  No matter where you've been or what you've done.  If you've messed up - than you're the one He came for.  He wants to know you.  He wants to love on you.  He wants to dine with you.  May you have the strength to grasp His love.  A love that knows no limits.  A love that knows no bounds.


**For anyone stuck in the prison of pornography addiction- visit www.xxxchurch.com to break free and find hope.