4 Ways to Radically Change your Relationships in 2013:

Luke 10:27
"He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’^[a]; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

I've noticed something pretty disconcerting.  I'm not as focused as I used to be on the things that matter most.

Surrounded by cell phones, technology, noise, and social media- sometimes it's easier to get distracted by what's going on "out there" rather than to stay focused on the here and now.  In a culture that seems so wrapped up in self-gratification and promotion, it's been easy to place my focus on myself and totally forget about my neighbor, my friends, my family.  The people that mean the most to me.    

I'm challenged as I enter into this new year, to get my focus back on where it belongs- loving God and loving others. There's nothing on earth more meaningful than that. I think I've begun to lose sight of that goal somewhere along the way.  I've been contemplating of how to bring back my focus.  Not just to hope for it, but to actually do it.  It's time for a change in my relational world.  Here are some ways I hope to get my heart back on track:

1.  Talk Less, Listen more:  I don't know about you, but I've found myself at times falling into the trap of the "Facebook mentality".  What I mean by that is an attitude that is all about self-promotion.  Putting yourself on display for all to see.  I've found that attitude slowly seeping into my relationship.  The symptoms are subtle, but they are dangerous.  It's an attitude that seeks to talk more than it seeks to listen, that longs to be known more than it longs to know.  This has been the downfall of some of my relationships this year, and I want to be deliberate about changing that.  I want to learn to be a person that talks less, and listens more.  A person that is interested in the people around me, more than interested in their interest in me.  I want to be "others-focused", and I believe that starts with letting them take the spotlight.   

2.  Ask more Questions:  I have a friend who asks a lot of questions.  I mean, tons.  When she connects with someone, she wants to know everything about them, what they've been up to, and what they are passionate about.  Talking to her almost feels like being interviewed on Oprah.  Now, though I think that can be a little much at times, I think she is really onto something.  Her heart is in the right place because it is others-focused.  She wants to ask questions because she wants to know people.  I want to do that to.  I want to make others feel important, and do my part in getting to know them.  I want to ask more questions this year, and be sure to hear the answers.   

3.  Offer encouragement:  I must admit, this is one that I really want to get better at.  It's not natural for me to offer encouragement, because it's not something that I grew up with consistently.  Our family was one that spoke through actions, not necessarily with words.  But you know, words are so important, and they are an important part of loving and being loved.  They nourish, strengthen, and grow relationships faster than many other things can.  Encouragement takes you out of self-centeredness and into a life that is fixed on others.  Find something valuable in someone, and then tell them about it.  God promises that those who seek to bless others will find that they are the ones who are ultimately blessed. 

4.  Stay in the moment:  I got an email from a young women who was telling me about a gathering she had experienced at which every single person was occupied by their phones.  Texting, tweeting, googling and instagram-ing...there was always something to check, someone to update, or some information to find out.  It's hard to live in the moment in a society that is calling us out of the moment.  In a culture that has created for us a "matrix-like" world, filled with false connection, false intimacy, and false pride.  In a world where we gain power by a click of a button.  But in exchange for this false sense of control, glory, and value...we are missing the present.  We are missing the moment.  We are distracted by things that have not earned our attention, while surrounded by people who are deserving of our it. Our families, our spouses, our children, our friends.  Our neighbors, our communities, and even the strangers that may come our way.  Sacred moments...have become secondary.  It's time to take these moments back.  It's time to enjoy them, savor them, and experience them.  It's time to live in the moment. 

A new year brings new opportunities.  New chances to connect, to love, and to focus.  New moments to learn how to live fully, and love practically. 

Here's to 2013.  May it be the best year our relationships have ever seen! 

Are you stuck on your past?

Genesis 19:26
But Lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.

One of the greatest things that inhibits us from moving forward...is our past.  

For Andrea, that was exactly the case.  She was unable to get over the struggles of her past.  The neglect.  The abuse.  The longing for love.  Longings that were never filled.  Love that was never felt.  20 years later and she's still asking why.  Looking back, trying to make sense of it all.  And in her pursuit of looking back- she has failed to look around, and has ceased to look forward.  She has lost her present and her future...because of her past. 

Lot's wife struggled with the same things.  God had called Lot and his wife out of Sodom, and into something new.  Out of the darkness of their past, and into new adventures.  Out of the sin and struggles that they were surrounded by, and into something better.  But Lot's wife was unable to let go of the past.  She looked back...and "became a pillar of salt".  The truth of the matter is that the past can be paralyzing.

It's healthy to sort through our past every now and again. It's important to understand where we came from and what we went through.  It's vital to see the things from our past that made us who we are today.  But when we find our gaze is fixated on our past...we will ultimately waste our present, and lose our future.

God calls us to look forward. To see the new things that He is doing in our life rather than to dwell on the old.  To focus on hope, healing, and potential rather than waste our life on regrets, judgements, and needless analysis.   

He calls us to live for today, and hope for tomorrow...because no matter what has happened in our past, greater things are yet to come. 

Maybe you are stuck on your past.  Maybe a devastating break up has paralyzed your heart.  Maybe the sting of abuse and neglect continue to haunt you.  Maybe the choices you made and the road that you once traveled are causing you major regrets. Maybe your mind is filled with things you "should have" done and bogged down by those which you shouldn't have.  Maybe your heart is heavy with loss, pain, and unending questions of "why".   If this is you, the past may be wrapping it's deadly tentacles around your heart, trying it's very best to steal your life and rob your hope. 

It's time to overcome your past and stop looking back.  It's time to focus on your present, here and now.  It's time to look around and focus on where you are now and where you hope to be.  It's time to trust God with your future, and allow Him to help you fix your eyes forward. 

Don't let the pain of your past take away from your present and keep you from your future.  It's time to look forward and be freed. 

Taking off your mask: On Being Real

Psalm 139
"My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth."


I spoke at Faith Evangelical church last evening in Allentown, PA to an amazing group of young men and women.  One of the topics that was addressed was about authenticity in relationships...and how to be real with the people around you.  The conclusion?  Sometimes it's really hard to be real.  Sometimes it seems impossible to let go of the mask.  Sometimes it's painfully difficult to show your true self to the world.  The person we are, not the person we want to be.  And sometimes...it's hard to believe that we have anything worth really showing. 


Psalm 139.  Easier to read than to believe sometimes.  A psalm filled with value statements promoting our worth, our value, our meaning in the eyes of God.

"Intricately woven"...."Fearfully and wonderfully made." 


Sometimes we feel more complicated than intricate.  More afraid than fearfully made.  More wounded than wonderful.

It's hard to be real, because that means letting our true colors shine.  It means sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly.  It means being open and honest about our struggles and our fears, our joys and our strengths.  It means being okay with where we are and who we are becoming, and then sharing that with the world.

It's hard to be real because sometimes we don't even know who we really are.  We know who we wish we were.  We know who we want to be.  But sometimes it's hard to come face to face with who we actually are.

It's hard to be real because it leaves us vulnerable and exposed.  It allows us to be seen, which allows us to be judged, which allows us to be valued.  Sometimes we're more concerned about how this world values us than how our God values us. 

If we're going to be real, we've God to really understand who we are in the eyes of God.  We've got to be confident with who he has made us, where we are at, and where He's taking us.  We've got to be okay with our humanity- struggles, sins, and all, recognizing that only in the pit of our humanity is when we are in need of a Savior.

We were rescued by a God who connected with us by his wounds.  Maybe sharing ours will be the only way that we can really connect with others.

One Sign of True Love: Transparency

Song of Solomon 8:7
Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. 

"You're boring!"

The commercial on T.V. started off by showing a young woman telling her boyfriend that he was...boring. 

In comes credit card advertisement with the solution.

You don't have to be boring anymore!  The next few scenes portray the young man living it up with his credit card rewards, no longer the boring man he used to be.  All to win back the heart of the witch who just stomped on it.

Really?  I mean....really?

Commercials like this absolutely kill me.  Not so much of the ridiculous content that they advertise, but more so, because they reflect the heart of our culture.  A culture so afraid of rejection, afraid to be singled out, and so utterly desperate just to fit in.  No matter the cost. 

A culture willing to bend and fit into any mold, if only to be loved and accepted, if only to be valued.

It breaks my heart to see this theme resonating on T.V., but even more so in the world around me.  Young people I hear from every day through emails, over phone conversations, at talks, and in sessions...longing to be loved, willing to give up everything...even their very self.

One thing I love about my dating relationship with John is that we were always real with each other.  Never trying to be something or someone we were not.  We both believed with all our hearts that one of the keys to finding true love was in being real.  When the person standing before you is completely transparent...you know your love is based on truth, because it's founded on what is actually there...rather than what you wish, hope, or dream could be there.

There were so many things about me that John loved, things I never imagined someone could ever love.  My clammy hands.  My frizzy curls.  My need to have deep conversations all hours of the day and night.  But those were the things that made me...me...and that is what he fell in love with.   He loved me for who I was, not for who he wanted me to be.  And for the rest of our lives in marriage...I am freed to be myself.  Completely, wholly, and transparently me.

Why settle for a relationship in which you are asked to be someone you are not?  Why settle for hiding the parts of you that make you transparent, real, and authentically you.  Why become someone else to find love, when true love can find you...just for being you.  A love that cannot be quenched, a love that can never be washed away. 

Embrace your God-created self.  Every part of it. From your body type, to your spirituality.  From your emotional temperament to your silly quirks.  From your convictions to your hobbies.  It's okay to be real...because, though you risk rejection...it's the only way that you can experience true and complete love.

And that kind of love....is priceless.  

My Olympic Boyfriend: Falling in love with a dream

 
While watching the Olympics tonight, somehow my husband and I got on the topic of falling in love. 

It's amazing how enamored society gets with the Olympics, but more so, with the Olympian athletes.  There is something very appealing about these young men and women.  Hard working, dedicated, fit, good looking athletes who are in the national spotlight.  There is something just so "dreamy" about them, isn't there?  The truth is, my husband and I know people who are completely obsessed with these people on TV, cheering for them, following them, supporting them, and ultimately idolizing them.  People who have pretty much fallen "in love" with these celebrity athletes from a distance.  Athletes and celebrities, movie stars and musicians, story characters...and even coworkers.  People are falling in love with them every single day. 

I think there is something about the invisible that makes it attractive, something about the unknown that is appealing.  Something about keeping people at a distance, that makes us want them even more... 

Which explains why so many men and women today are falling in love with a dream.  Someone that doesn't really exist.  Taking the character of someone they don't really know and adding the story they created that doesn't really exist.  Falling in love with a dream, falling in love with an idea, falling in love with a lie. 

The dangerous thing about this concept is that it is not contained within the walls of innocent Hollywood crushes.  It goes beyond that, and begins to take the form of fantasy in other areas of life.  Fantasy in living in what could be, rather than living in the reality of what actually is. 

From pornography, to affairs, to toxic relationships.  In each of these you will find men and women, imprisoned within the confines of a dream.  Stuck in a life they make up with people who don't actually exist...

The married man who glances at the beautiful office secretary, mentally engaging in a relationship with her...forgetting her flaws, neglecting her deficits...

The housewife, trapped in the fantasy and excitement of her romance novels, leaving her own reality behind...

The young woman stuck in an abusive marriage, making excuses and living for the dream of who he could be rather than acknowledging who he actually is....

The young man, fascinated by the beautiful images on his computer screen, growing numb to the beauty of the real woman in his life...

There is something powerful about living in a dream, but there is something even more paralyzing about it. 

When we live in a dream, we lose sight of what's real. We exchange our realities for something that can never actually exist.  We live for what could be, and end up missing what really is.  And in the end...we are led into disappointment, disillusionment, and destruction.   

We set ourselves up for failure by seeking to find this thing that doesn't actually exist, setting expectations that cannot actually be met by ourselves much less anyone else. 

When we live in a dream, we stop really living.  

Though it might not be as easy as a Hollywood romance, real life and real relationships are well worth the investment.  With the help of God's grace, forgiveness, and selflessness...they can flourish into far greater than a simple dream, because they can become your magnificent reality.   

Close your eyes to the temptation of fantasy, and instead, allow yourself to be freed into the reality of the here and now.  Allow yourself to truly live. 

There are Two Kinds of People:

Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.  


I learn a lot from being a counselor.  I have the opportunity to observe and interact with all kinds of people from a very intimate perspective.  I see their problems and struggles in an up close and personal way.

This process has taught me a lot about people, myself included.  One of my most recent lessons is that there are two kinds of people functioning in society.    

Those who are reactive, and those who are proactive.  

It might sound like a simple concept, but I've found that people who are proactive have a tendency thrive and blossom in this world- though it may bring struggles and strife, while people who are reactive are at the mercy of the world around them.  Tossed to and fro by the waves of life.  Unable to stand on their own two feet.   

If you take some time to stop and think, you'll probably be amazed at how many things you do in life that are out of reaction. 

Action: The phone rings. 
Reaction: You answer it. 

Action:  Baby cries.
Reaction:  You feed the baby.

Action:  Spouse says something inconsiderate.
Reaction: Negative emotions lead to lashing out at them.

Action:  Weight gain.
Reaction: Time to exercise. 


Being reactive throughout our day is an inevitable process.  Lots of things happen in life that force us to move and act one way or the other. 

But what really sets people apart is the fact that some choose to lead their lives, while others choose to simply follow it.   

Proactive people don't wait for something to make them move, instead, they create their way.  They are the type of people who would never settle for less than what they know is best in their lives, no matter what life happens to throw at them.

Proactive people are the ones who would never be caught saying:

"It will happen if it's meant to happen"- because they would be out there doing it.
"He will break up with me if he's not the one"- instead would be finding out the dynamics of the relationship and doing the breaking up.
"No one calls me, and I'm feeling lonely"- rather, the phone would be in their hand making calls and setting up plans.
"The right job will land in my lap"- because they would be setting up interviews and passing our resumes.

God calls us to live this life, to lead this life, and to direct this life.  All throughout the Scriptures He uses proactive words like "go, do, pray, make, work, be". 

Not only that, but the greatest example of a proactive life is the life of precious Jesus, who took it upon Himself to step into history in order to change the future...rather than wait around to see what would happen.
 
The challenge I'm faced with is this:  we are in charge of directing our lives and responsible for where our lives go.  Let us see our lives as valuable enough that they are worth investing in.  Let us take charge of the things we can change, stepping into our worlds and changing our futures rather than let this world force us into places that we were never intended to go.

Let's choose to live this life proactively for a God who lives proactively for us.


  

Dear Christian: An Open Letter from the World

Revisiting some of my most popular posts.  Hope this one encourages you!

Philippians 2:5
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.


Dear Christian,

I have to be honest...I have mixed feelings about you.  A love/hate relationship if you will.  It's like looking at two sides of a coin, trying to figure out which one is really you.  Part of me wants you so bad...but the other side of me is too scared to jump in. 

There are days that you amaze me.  I look at you and see the most loving eyes, the most gentle hands, the most open heart.  I watch as you take care of your community, as you reach out to the poor and the needy, as you mend the hearts of the broken.

I am overcome by your ability to reach into my loneliness.  Reminding me that I'm not all by myself.  That someone really does care for and love me.  Somehow you always seem to know just what I need...it's as though you had a direct line to God, or something.

I am challenged by the way you give up your time, your money...and your self for others.  I'm drawn to the fact that you are so humble, yet so confident.  You're honest about the fact that you don't always have it together...but that you're working on it.  I love that genuineness...it pushes me to be real with my self as well.

There is something about your smile that seems real to me.  It makes me wonder where you get such joy.  How you have such strength.  It makes me long for what you have. 

Sometimes I look at your faith, and the way you hold on with all of your heart...and wish I had something to give my all to.

But then I get stuck.  I get stuck because I see the other side to your who you are, and I find myself confused.  Because some days you amaze me, but other days you disappoint me.

Other days, it's as though something has come over you.  You aren't acting like yourself.  You are filled with pride and arrogance, acting like you really know it all and have it all together.  It makes me scared to come to you with my problems...because I'm afraid you won't understand.

It breaks my heart to watch you so caught up in the things of this world...money, fame and fortune.  It's as though the American Dream has got you on a leash.  I thought you talked about bigger things?  I thought you said this world wasn't your home?  Then why do you seem so comfortable here?

Some days, it's as though you have an opinion about everything.  What I should wear, who I should be friends with, what I should eat and drink.  I feel judged by you, not loved.  I feel as though I am under a magnifying glass...and you're picking me apart, never satisfied to just let me be who I am.

I want to get closer to you...to try and understand you...but your holier-than-thou attitude reminds me that I can't get too close.  Maybe I'm not good enough for you.  Maybe I'll never be.

Either way, I'm going to keep watching...waiting to see the real you.  There's a part of me that wants what you have...but a part of me that's still confused.  I'll be here.  Waiting for you to show me who you really are.  Until then, don't be surprised if I keep my distance.  I want to get closer, but I have to keep myself safe.

I hope you figure this out soon.  I hope you decide who you really want to be and stick to it.  When you do, come find me. 

Cautiously watching,


The World

Dear Perfectionists, Just Learn to Be Still:

Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God.

I wrote an article last week for Relevant Magazine titled "When You Can't Pray the Pain Away".  

I'm rather surprised by the response I got from readers, very passionate about the subject matter, advocating the importance of getting one's emotional and psychological world together through the process of therapy.  I got emails from all over the country and even from different parts of the world from men and women who felt that they were validated in their pursuits of professional healing, rather than not feeling "Christian" enough for seeking help. 

But more than anything, the great response and emails reminded me of the truth that people all over are hurting.  Pain and suffering are universal.

One interaction in particular was from a dear friend of mine who is going through a seriously hard time in her life.  She asked me some difficult questions in a public manner, in hopes that the public interaction would be a instrument in helping others.

Even in her pain, she hoped that someone out there might benefit from her struggles and her questions.  Now, that's legit.  To me, that is actually the very indicator of true healing and maturity.  So, dear friend, this post is in honor of you.

S: Debbie: this article is extremely true, factual, and hopefully effective if the individuals you are targeting with this message heed your advice. I can attest to the validity of what you have offered here. Therapy saved my life. Self examination has been the only thing that has helped me change my behavior. Self awareness is often our of my grasp. 

It's only been by friends laying out the realities of my actions and emotions that I've seen what's really wrong with me. Debbie you have personally done this from time to time directly through phone calls and one on one time or through your writings. Lately I've given in to giving up. I honestly have done the opposite. Haven't prayed but just relied on venting all the time to cope. It's less effective... this article is somewhat of a wake up call. 

Genuine question and I expect a practical answer from you: How can you continue to improve when momentum is gone? When friends fail you? When circumstances are too overwhelming? When you become lazy or use excuses? How do you get out of that pattern? I'll call you guys out if your answer is unsatisfactory! 

My Response:  Dear S, First of all, what is up with you asking the most difficult earth shattering questions? That's how you roll, though, isn't it? It's a good question, to be sure...and a hard one. How does one go on in the face of disappointment, disillusionment, pain, and a lack of motivation. This could be an entire article on it's own.

Your question was how do you keep improving, and I want to stop you there...because in my opinion, sometimes staying the same in such difficult times is just as good as improving. Letting the waves crash without causing you to topple over, much less thinking about trying to take steps forward through them. I think we all know when we have reached that most difficult place, and have to be careful not to put too many expectations upon ourselves through such hard times.

On the other hand, there are times when the storm lets up...and we can't use the pain of the past to keep us in the same place. For me personally, I have a hard time moving through such times alone, and I find that surrounding myself with people who help move me forward- friends, family, mentors, counselors- is sometimes what I need to draw upon their strength just so that I can get back on my own two feet and move forward.

Only you know where you are at right now...and how far you can push yourself. Strive to do what you can in the day to day, and to make the best choices in the current hour you are living through, rather than putting so many expectations on yourself for what is to come.

There is always a time for growth and moving forward...but for you, maybe that time isn't now. Maybe it's a time to be still and steady, and keep yourself from moving backwards. Hope that gives some perspective.
 _____

Thanks S, for always having such insight into your life...I think right now, this is a season for you just to be still...and know that He is God.  That's actually sometimes the hardest part.  I think sometimes we put more on ourselves than He ever would.  Praying for you, and thankful that you have a heart to help others even in the midst of your own struggles.  To me, that is true healing.  Give yourself some credit for that.  

Love you, homegirl. 

  

Kiwis, Sex Trafficking, and Broken Hearts: What You Can Do About It:

2 Corinthians 1:4
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

I opened a devastating email from the president of  War International (Women at Risk).  It was about a baby called "Sweetie" from South Asia who is being held captive in the Red Light District, chained to a pole, and withheld from love and affection.  She is being raised in this way so as to get her accustomed to the life of prostitution that she will one day enter.

The WAR team was sneaking into the brothel where she was being raised, under the guise of "customers", but really there to hold bible studies for the women, and have some time to hold and rock the baby, praying for her fervently with each rock.

A innocent baby, being neglected and abused at the hands of sex traffickers.  This is happening today.  Right now.  As you read these words.   

Devastation is all around us. 

This morning I walked into the grocery store and saw a man holding a baby that looked to be his granddaughter.  He was so enthralled with her that he was blocking the entry way, so I excused myself, made a kind comment, and passed by.  He found me later in one of the aisles and explained to me that he was holding his baby granddaughter, who he hasn't seen for 3 weeks.

He went onto explain that he has been home, non-stop, caring for his son around the clock- who is dying of a brain tumor.  That son also happens to be the father of this little baby girl.  This 18 year old son has been through extensive chemo and radiation, and now is home with hospice care, just waiting to die.  The man welled up with tears telling me his story.

Broken hearts are all around us. 

I asked for his son's name, and told him I would be praying for his son...and then I reached out my hand and asked him if I could pray...now.  He looked honored and surprised, and accepted my request.

There we stood, in front of the kiwis and mangoes, with all the world passing us by.  They were there to get their groceries, but we were there calling on the God who had more on his mind than fruits and vegetables...this was a God moment, to be sure.  Even in the middle of a grocery store. 

When we finished praying, he said to me "I am overwhelmed...I want you to know that I will never forget this moment as long as I live".

The moment a random stay-at-home mom, in yoga pants and a sweatshirt...took time out of her "busy life" to look at the devastation and broken hearts around her, and do something about it.

Don't get me wrong, I am no superhero....far from it.  In fact, I don't think I could have found anything EASIER to do than pray...I didn't offer money, I didn't provide my counseling services, and I didn't heal his son...

But we connected. Two broken people connected before an Almighty God.  A God who heals, a God who comforts, a God who cares. 

Sometimes you read those emails....about poor little babies in South Asia, and the incredible women who are taking the time to risk their lives to visit this baby and disciple these broken women of the Red Light District...

You read these emails and you look at the devastation that surrounds and you think, wow, I have got nothing to offer...

You are so terribly wrong.  

Not only do you have something to offer, you have EVERYTHING.  There is comfort that has been poured out to you on behalf of an Almighty God...so that you, can comfort others.


The problem is not whether or not we have something to offer, it's whether or not we allow ourselves to take the TIME.  

The time to step out of our selfish, superficial worlds, and look around. 

Fake Faith: The myth of "Waiting" on God

Luke 11:9
And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 

I recently met a young man who was waiting on God.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting. 

His life had been headed down a dangerous path, and he was waiting for God to rescue him.  He had done nothing to get himself to a better place.  He was just waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.

I admire people of faith.  I think it's important to really believe; to live as if what you are believing is  already truth.  To trust God completely, fully, recklessly.

The problem comes when people exchange the guise of "faith" for the role of passivity.  

Lack of action. 

Zero responsibility. 

The problem comes when people expect God to live for them, rather than to work through them.  

I heard a joke once about a man who was drowning, but he had faith that God would rescue him.  

A jet ski came by, but he declined saying "No thanks, God will rescue me!"
A rescue boat came by, but again, he declined saying "No thanks, God will rescue me!"
A helicopter came by, but a third time, he declined saying "No thanks, God will rescue me!"

And finally, he drowned.  When he awoke to heaven he approached God and asked him, "But Lord, you promised to save me".  To which God replied, "I tried...I sent a jet ski...and a rescue boat...and a helicopter..."

It might get you to crack a smile or even chuckle...but isn't there so much truth to this sometimes? 

How many times do we allow our false ideas of faith to keep us from the places God wants us to go?  "God will give me a sign...God will close the doors if it's not meant to be...God will bring him/her into my life...God will take away my feelings...God will help me out of this addiction..."

I know He can, but will he?  Is that the kind of God you serve?  Do we serve a God who acts on our behalf, or a God who gives us the strength and power to act on His?   

I don't know about you, but I see my relationship with God as much, much larger than just a puppeteer interacting with his puppet.  

God does ask us to trust Him with the things we cannot control...but he asks us to take action in the things that we can.  He asks us to know Him, to love Him, and to honor Him...and then to live confidently in return. 

We are called to take action, to make decisions, to live our lives, and to do what it takes to get ourselves where He wants us to be.  Our connection with God is a two-way street, and like it or not: WE have a role in this relationship.  We have a choice.  We have a will.  And with that will we can either say yes, or no.  We can stop, or we can go.  We can stay the same, or we can grow.  Live in the old...or awake to the new. 

It's important to trust God, to seek his wisdom, his power, and his strength.  It's important to give him our worries and our fears and to trust Him with tomorrow...but it's just as important to allow Him to work in us and through us today. 

Don't allow your fears, insecurities, and inadequacies to paralyze you  in the name of  false "faith".  Real faith lives a life of action.  Real faith is alive and active.  Real faith takes responsibility and moves forward.

I trust Jesus.  I trust Him with my tomorrow.  I have faith that my life is in His hands.  But you see that is the very faith that drives me to act.  To choose.  To live.  

To Ask, To Seek, To Knock...







 

   



  

Now, Do You Really Want Power?

1 Kings 17:1
Now Elijah the Tishbite, from Tishbe^[a] in Gilead, said to Ahab, “As the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, whom I serve, there will be neither dew nor rain in the next few years except at my word.” 

 
Been reading a little bit through the book of Kings, specifically looking at the life of Elijah the prophet. 

For someone like me who has been raised hearing and studying about these historical biblical figures, it's easy to idolize their lives and their legacy.  It's easy to look at their power with wonder, awe and amazement, wishing that we had even a fraction of the faith that they had and their ability to live a life miracles. 

Elijah and God were so in tune with each other.  From predicting droughts, to calling down fire, Elijah had the incredible ability to perform miracles in a way that made the world around him stop and give glory to the God he served. 

And so we read about these incredible prophets throughout history, and we're inspired to live a life that really matters, a life that makes those around us stand in amazement and throw their hands up glorifying the God that we serve.  And we're so inspired that maybe we'll even pray for that kind of power...but, it never comes.  


No calling down fires.  No predicting the future.  No miraculous signs and wonders.  

Power never comes, because we are ultimately looking for the power without the pain.  We want to live in our safe Christian bubbles, we want everyone to like us, and we want blessing after blessing after blessing.  You see, safety is the greatest obstacle in receiving power.

Francis Chan illustrates this point in a video about taking risks...but at the end of the day, who of us really wants to take risks?

If we're honest with ourselves, it's so much easier to live a powerless life...and be loved, secure, safe, and happy.  To ask for the kind of power we see displayed in Scripture would be to ask for a lot more than power.  Faith, uncertainty, trust...and even pain.

I look at every effective prophet in Scripture and one thing I see they all have in common is their willingness to do whatever it took to bring the power of God into the world around us.  They endured the seeds of suffering, hardships, broken hearts, endless waiting, scorn, hatred, and shame to harvest the crop of power. 

So, let me ask you again, do you really want that kind of power in your life?  

May God give us the strength to trust Him enough in order to walk outside of our safe places, so that we too can bring even a fraction of His loving power to this broken and dying world.

Most of the Things You Worry About Never Happen...But if They Do:

Acts 7:54-60
⁵⁴ When the members of the Sanhedrin heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him. ⁵⁵ But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. ⁵⁶ “Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.”
 ⁵⁷ At this they covered their ears and, yelling at the top of their voices, they all rushed at him, ⁵⁸ dragged him out of the city and began to stone him. Meanwhile, the witnesses laid their coats at the feet of a young man named Saul.
 ⁵⁹ While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” ⁶⁰ Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep. 

What are your greatest fears?  

What are the things that keep you up at night...just worrying?  Worry: the act of thinking negatively about things (that might I add...may never happen...). 

If you're anything like me, it's easy to let your brain get carried away and your mind wander.  All of the things that could happen, that might happen, that should happen.  What if they do?  What would I do?  How would I survive?

And so we busy ourselves with the worries of our world...

This passage in Acts was a so refreshing for me to read and discuss yesterday in our bible study small group.  I know it's usually focused on the martyrdom of a man, who gave it all for Jesus...but for me, I saw it in a totally different light.

I saw a man who faced one of the greatest fears ever known to man...the fear of death.  A man who may have had a wife and children, family and friends...who suddenly found himself facing the painful sting of death...reaching the moment where life as he knew it would come to an end.

Sometimes I fear death.  It's all around us.  Grandparents dying of old age...parents becoming ill...tragedies of wives, husbands, and children...sometimes it makes me fear death too.

But more than that...I fear other things.  Smaller than death.  Illness...loneliness...depression.  Pain...betrayal...conflict.  The list goes on and on. There are so many things to fear if we are looking for them.  One reason I love this passage so much is because to me, it's a model of how we should face our greatest fears.

It's the story of a man who had to face his greatest fears...and the story of a God who wouldn't let him face those fears alone.

It's a story of the man who did not have the strength to look death in the eye...and the story of a God who became His strength.

You see, in the worst moment of this man's life- God showed up.  At the most horrific second...Jesus was right there.  He blinded Stephen's vision from the terrors of this world until all that he could see was the glory of God. In the worst moment...He became his vision.  He became all that he could see.

I am filled with hope as I walk through this life that God will give me what I need...when I need it.  Sometimes I allow myself to worry, and think "I don't have the strength..." rather, I should be thankful that I don't have the strength...because I don't need it!

You see, God doesn't give you the strength to face your fears...until the moment you have to face them. He doesn't give you the ability to handle your worries...but He gives you the wisdom to hand your worries to Him.  

"Even though I walk through the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me..."

Be assured, as you look ahead at the fires of life...and know that as you walk through the fire...you will never be alone.  

Marbles in Glass Jars: Living a Life that Counts in 2012

Philippians 3:8
What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.

Come over to our house and you will find something new tucked away in the back corner of our bookshelf, behind the picture frame and above the books.  There sits a clear glass jar, and a bag of red marbles in a bag right beside. 

This year we decided to do something tangible as a reminder of what it is that we are really living for day in and day out.  

The past few years I would have to say that our jobs have been considerably demanding.  I- a counselor part time and a stay at home mom, he- a resident working and studying many hours.  On top of this balancing a marriage, maintaining a home (cooking, cleaning, groceries, laundry...) the task of 24/7 parenting, spending time with family, leisure activities, and making sure we also have a social life.  I'm sure you can relate, life can get really busy.  And the busyness can easily take center stage.

I love this passage in Philippians because it's a genuine reminder from a man who accomplished so much in this world- that none of that accomplishment actually matters...in light of knowing Jesus and making Him known. 

Sometimes our worldly tasks become our sole focus- rather than what they were meant to be- only a means to an end.  For us as believers- that end is nothing less than loving God and sharing his love with the world around us.  Everything else we do on this earth is just the avenue by which we get there.  It's just the journey, not the final destination. 


I think sometimes we get too comfortable with this world and our roles in it...not realizing that one day, all of these things will fade away, and only one thing will remain.  

So back to our glass jar.  This jar, for us, is a representation of the things that really matter in this world.  It's a reminder of what we were made to do.  Every time one of us shares the love of Jesus with someone in our lives, we place a marble in that jar as a reminder to continue living this life to store up our treasures in Heaven (and stop worrying so much about our 401K). 

I want 2012 to be a year in which I look back and say that God used me for great things: even if those great things mean smiling at a homeless man, serving at a women's shelter, or praying with a struggling neighbor.  I want to redefine my definition of "greatness" this year, so that it is no longer in line with the things of this world and completely in line with heavenly things.  Great things are in store.  Will you join me?

Life Happens: Simple Birthday Thoughts

Romans 14:8
If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.

Only one life, ’twill soon be past,
Only what’s done for Christ will last.
--CT Studd

In just a couple hours the clock will strike and it will be September 18th...the day I was born. 

As a child, birthday were always a joyful time.  Looking forward to a day to celebrating ME.  I'm sure you can relate.  For most children, birthdays hold special memories, a time when all the world around you stops to put the spotlight on you. 

As I get older, birthdays hold a different, more profound meaning for me.  Slowly, God is showing me the greater joy that comes from taking the spotlight off of me and placing it on Him.  Let me explain.   

As this day approaches, I realize that another year of my life has passed.  In college, our chancellor never allowed us to forget the reality check by CT Studd, reminding us that life was short.  That phrase sticks with me, and is especially ringing loud in my mind today.  Another year has passed...not that it's any surprise, but the reality that life is short is beginning to sink in- in a serious way.  

You see, Life happens...whether or not you are living it.  Today I am struck with the challenge to live my life, and to live it well.  For me, living it well means nothing less than a life devoted to a God who devoted His life to me. 

And yes, that may sound so selfless and sacrificial, but you know what- it's not.  When you really dig deep you realize that life does not get more fulfilling, purposeful, and abundant until you are truly living it for Him.  Like John Piper says, there is something hedonistic about that kind of sacrifice.  


In seeking to live a life for Christ, I am ultimately choosing to live my life in the most fulfilled way possible.  I am choosing to live a life in which true joys are to be found.  To me, there's nothing much sacrificial about that.  Because at the end of the day (and of life) what I am gaining, makes what I am giving seem entirely meaningless...compared to knowing Jesus and finding myself in Him.    

So, these are my simple thoughts as my birthday approaches...I want to remember to live. 

To live a life the honors Jesus, to live a life that magnifies Him, and to live a life aligned ever so closely to His will...His good, pleasing, and perfect will. 

Life happens.  Are you truly living? 

Hurricanes, Earthquakes, Fires and Floods:

Psalm 31:15
My times are in your hand...

The past 30 days has been quite an adventure, to say the least.  Natural disasters have showed their face all across the country at large and showed us humans who is boss.

It's a little intimidating at times, when nature takes an unexpected turn.  It's even more intimidating when that turn is closer to home.

Through the recent disaster's we have been facing in Central Pennsylvania there has been much tragedy.  This morning I heard a story of a friend of a friend, whose life was taken through the past days of disaster. 

It's heart-breaking taking in the details.  I'm sure that just a couple days ago this man was not thinking of his death...who is?  Who of us wakes up in the morning and wonders if today will be their last?  We don't realize that the end is near until it has found us...

For a moment, the stories of tragedy caused me to give in to some panic.  The reality is that you just never know.  You never know what day will be your last, or worse, the last for those you love.  Life is a difficult journey, with the giving of breath and the taking away.  When faced with the lack of control I really have in all of these things, I found myself with a storm of anxiety building inside my heart.

And then I realized something: God's not surprised by tragedy.

From the moment we take our first breath, the path before us is set.  Whether it's a road that we walk for 3 months, 45 years, or through the ripe age of 92...we each have our journey set before us.  A journey filled sometimes with joy, filled sometimes with pain, but one that is always filled with purpose.  Whether short, or long...foreseen or sudden, there will be a day that we will all come to the end of our road. 

For me, I find comfort in the fact that my journey is not my own.  My time here on earth is completely and entirely in the hands of a God who loves me and the ones I love.  My life is in his hands.

To make the most of this journey, there is no room for anxiety and panic...there is no time to waste thinking of the end.  There is only time to live, to love, to be present.  There is only time to hope, to heal, and to be available. 

Make the most of yours. 
 

 

Watermelons, Elephants, and Major Sins:

Hebrews 12:1
...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles...

I bought a watermelon about a month ago.  

It looked so good in the store on a hot summer day, and I imagined cutting a slice outta that thing after dinner and letting it's sweet juice run down my face.

I put it in the fridge to cool until after dinner.  But for some reason, after the dishes had been put away and the pots and pans had been washed- I was really not in the mood to clean up one more mess, so I passed on slicing up the sweet treat.  Maybe tomorrow.  Or the day after that.  Or...the day after that. 

Four weeks later I bite into a slice of watermelon at someone's house and it triggers a thought- didn't I buy one of these?

I go home to my fridge, and there before my eyes sits the watermelon.  Huge as ever (and spoiled by now, might I add).  But somehow, I had gotten SO used to seeing that gigantic watermelon multiple times every day that I actually stopped noticing it.  It became a normal part of the background, until I hardly even realized it was there.  


I was sharing this story today as I was talking to a client of mine about the danger of getting so comfortable in our sin that it no longer becomes visible to our spiritual eyes.  That is the reality of how we function as human beings. 

We are so resilient and pliable that we can bounce back and conform to almost any situation.  But as life saving as those traits can be...they can also be permanently devastating.  To the man who gets so comfortable with the lust that has become the only excitement in his life.  To the woman who gets so numb to her addictive behaviors that they become a normalized part of her every day.  To the teenager who gets so acquainted with getting high as the only way to deal with his unpleasant emotions.  To the girl that finds her home in the toxic relationships that have taken over her heart. 

For those who get so comfortable with seeing their sin every single day, that they learn to become experts at learning to ignore it. 

It's time to come face to face with the elephant in the room.  It's time to recognize the sin in our lives that has outstayed it's welcome.  It's time to fix our eyes on Jesus, the Perfecter of our faith, and begin to recognize and throw off each and every sin that has so easily entangled us. 

Before it's too late.  

Some Good Lookin' Grass:

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Rejoice always, ¹⁷ pray continually, ¹⁸ give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 

I'm on a roller coaster ride with contentment.  Looking back, it seems as though it's a topic that I write about every couple of months.  And the reality of this blog is that though my readers may find themselves getting something out of it- I don't write for them...I write for me. 

It's a place to hash through my struggles and my victories.  A place to give outlet to my thoughts and accountability to my spirituality.  Which means one thing about my frequency of visiting this topic: I wrestle with contentment a lot. 

I'm sure there are those of you out there who can relate.  The cliche, "The grass is always greener on the other side" probably wouldn't exist if this was not a universal struggle.

A couple weeks ago I found myself, once again, in the boxing ring with contentment.  Everyone's grass was looking pretty good right around then.  I found myself daydreaming about where I would rather be and what I would rather be doing. Imagining what it would be like to walk in their shoes.  And slowly but surely, the feelings of discontent and insecurity started sneaking in. 

My negative thoughts offered them a crack in which to seep through and start coating my life with discontent.

I once read a book about the topic of contentment.  One chapter included letters from 3 college friends who were keeping in touch 15 years after graduation.  One was a single, successful business woman.  The other, a stay at home mommy of 3, and the third going back to finish her education since her children were grown and in school. 

The series of letters were essentially a running list of complaints- each woman looking at the lives of her friends as "better than" her own.  The single woman wished she had a family to call her own.  The stay at home mommy wished she was out working, using her degree and making money.  And the third wished she would have already finished her education like her other two friends.  The letters went on and on but ultimately unveiled the discontent in each of their hearts.

The unfortunate thing about that chapter is the fact that, essentially, that becomes real life if we're not careful.  I don't want the letter of my life to be full of wishes and wants.  God has placed me where I am in this season of my life because I am CALLED to be here.  There is purpose traced through every single hour of every single day if I choose to look for it.

At times, that purpose is writing an article for a magazine, counseling clients, or speaking about important topics.  But at other times, that purpose is watching my daughter splatter applesauce all over her face while trying to feed herself, changing a dirty diaper, or loading the dishwasher. 

God's purpose for our lives is in everything, and it can never be calculated by what we are accomplishing on the outside, but on who we are becoming on the inside.  Watching God at work in our lives can never be boring.  Seeing him take our lifeless lump of clay lives and turn them into majestic and beautiful art is a process that unfolds each and everyday...if we will only notice.   

And as we watch this labor of love, and see God's will unfold in our lives, we will find ourselves rejoicing always...and giving thanks continually.  We will find that at the end of our day, this is the only way to find true contentment.   

Christians: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly (Part I)

Matthew 5:14-16
  ¹⁴ “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  

¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

The word "Christian" has been slapped on so many things that it has lost it's true meaning.  It has been dissolved in the pool of men and woman that have labeled themselves by it's definition.  It's easy to get confused in the culture of modern day Christianity.  It's easy to be bombarded by the so many things "Christian" that Christ gets lost in the crowd. 

But then....then there are people that remind you of what it truly means to be a follower of Christ.  Then there are people who take the time to be transparent...pointing at Jesus through every aspect of their lives- the good, the bad, and even the ugly. 

Don't get me wrong- true Christ-followers aren't perfect...and they shouldn't claim to be.  But they are real.  They are faithful.  And they are consistent. 

I was reminded of what it meant to stand firm for Jesus this week watching one of my favorite TV shows: Survivor.  If you don't know anything about Survivor, it's one of the oldest in reality TV.  The idea is based on dropping a group of men and women in the middle of the jungles to fend for themselves for 39 days.  The person who makes it to the end, takes home the pride of being called the sole Survivor...and the bonus of one million dollars. 

Living in the wild for 39 days surrounded by a group of strangers is bound to take a toll on any and everyone.  The awful reality of the fallen human condition makes an appearance every season as the survivors interact with one another...lying, stealing, and cheating become the norm.  Tempers lash out, personalities clash, and emotions run wild.  It's humanity at its worst. 

But this season there is a young man that has totally impressed me with his life.  His name is Matt, and he is a self-proclaimed follower of Christ.  I tend to cringe when I hear people say that...I've seen so many people wear the name of Jesus, and then trample it through the mud.  But this guy is another story.


His faith is first and foremost in his life...and he proves that with his actions and his words.  He may be young, but there is a mature spirit of God upon His life, and everyone who comes into contact with him senses that.  He's respected for his strong faith...and by his kindness, he has been impacting the lives of the survivors around him with his faith in Jesus. 


Again and again you hear him talking about the reality that he has been put in this place for one purpose alone: to glorify his God.  


I know it's reality TV....but there is something genuine about this young guy.  There is something challenging about the way he lives his life.  For many of us, our life is the forefront...while our faith is the back drop.  We live our lives...and then sprinkle a little Christianity on top.  A little here, a little there..."just for the taste". 

But the reality is, this is not the way God meant for us to live.  We are born with a purpose- to be a light in the darkness.  That is a role that stands firm whether we are playing the game of Survivor, staying at home with our babies, or working 14 hour shifts at our jobs.  

It's a role that has to take the forefront of our lives in every thing we say and in everything we do.  Our lives must glow with the light of God...a light that is recognizable by everyone we come into contact with.  A light that speaks encouragement, hope, love, and faith to places that were once void and dark. 

Christian- Take inventory.  How bright has your light been shining?  How seriously have you taken this role?  How responsible have you been with the precious name that you carry...the precious name of Christ. 


May we be challenged to take seriously this calling that has been placed on our lives.  May we be challenged to live as light. 

My Desires:

Psalm 37:4

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. 

Desires.  We all have them. For many of us, our desires are a healthy and natural part of life.  We have our innate desires for food and drink.  We desire relationships and community.  We have desires for purpose and value.   

For many of us, though, our desires bring with them feelings of anguish and despair.  Desires of selfishness and pride.  Desires of lust and covetousness.  Desires of idolatry and isolation.  Desires that plague the heart and torment the mind. 

Knowing the power of desire, this verse was hard to understand.  It was hard to wrap my mind around the idea of God granting our desires, for to give us the desires of our heart would be a very dangerous thing.  It’s silly that I often question such things.  It’s almost as though sometimes I read the bible in expectation of a flaw, of a mistake, of something that just doesn’t add up.  And when I feel like I’ve found it, I read on...and God totally blows my expectation away.

You see, God’s granting of our desires is contingent upon one thing: delighting in Him.  That one thing is the foundation upon which everything else is laid.  For when God becomes our delight, our entire world begins to shift- with its dreams, its hopes, its plans and its desires.   

When God becomes our delight, our desires take on a whole new meaning.  When God becomes our delight, we find that our original desires somehow seem to slowly dim.  When God becomes our delight, a funny thing happens.  He somehow takes all of our desires, and draws them to Himself.  He becomes our desire. 

When God becomes our delight, we can rest easy- for the desires that used to haunt us, the desires that used to seek to destroy us, the desires that used to nag at our minds and tug at our hearts- they now belong to Him.  When God becomes our delight our desires become like a compass, leading us closer to Him.  When God becomes our delight, we can finally trust our heart’s desires, because He has placed them there.  They are His. 

May we, Christians, seek to delight in nothing other than our Lord.  May we allow Him to conform our hearts and our minds to His purpose.  May we allow Him to become the foundation upon which all of our desires are built.  May He then take away our human desires and place in us the desires of our hearts.  May His desires become our heart’s desires.  And may we then learn to trust our desires, allowing our desires to lead us into His will.  His good, pleasing, and perfect will.

Lord, you alone are worth delighting in.  Grant us the grace to delight in you today. 

Pity The Fool:

[Thanks to Chris Fenstermaker for sharing this great reflection.]

Psalm 14:1
The fool says in his heart, "There is no God." They are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is no one who does good.

Here we are again.. It's April 1st. "April Fools Day" as so many call it.  And, the Christian blog-o-sphere, twit tweets, statuses and all the other outlets where we Christians are 'free' to voice our opinions do so with yet another mis-quoted, mis-cited, abused bit of scripture.

And there you have it, the Bible verse that says atheists are fools. Or, is this really who this verse refers to?

So often, this verse has been quoted as an attack on atheists. Too often, I believe.  And, in doing so - we have turned many hearts from the Grace of the Father and the very Heart of the Father is grieved.

And there-in lies the misconception. This passage isn't directed at non-believers....Let's look at it closer.

First, read Psalm 14 in its entirety.

Let's hope that none of us are this blind. In my experience it is possible that Christians can be what The Psalmist describes here as the fool.

How could that happen? Fool here is the word nabal. Remember the story of David and Abigail (1 Samuel 25)? Abigail's husband was named Nabal, and was called foolish. It means someone who is contemptible, someone who is empty, someone who cares for nothing other than himself.

It does not mean "an atheist" or one who has no contact with God. It does not even mean that such a person does not see God in His creation. The fool that David is talking about here in Psalm 14 may even admit that God is Creator and even claim that this belief has a major impact in his life.

This person, this "fool," though not an atheist, lives as if he believes no God exists. A nabal is not stupid; he is not a person who does not reason. He is a person who reasons incorrectly. A nabal is a person who chooses or assumes to ignore God's authority over his life. He views God as an "absentee landlord" who may be disregarded because he assumes that God is not really active.

So - here, this verse - Psalm 14:1 is not speaking of "atheists" - but really speaking to the 'Christian' who does not live reflective of what he believes....which places a better understanding of the latter parts of the verse.

Let's rephrase the verse (using the CFT*)

The Christian who lives contrary to what He says he believes is foolish (nabal). His works and deeds are corruptible and abhorrent in God's sight, without purpose, reward, or eternal value.

So in response;  Are YOU, Mr or Mrs Christian, a fool?  Are you one who says that you believe and trust in God, but your life or actions don't reflect that very statement?  I'm not talking about 'to sin or not to sin'....I am talking about living a life that is markedly different because God is present in and through your life...ever present.

How then should we live?  Possibly as Paul suggests in Ephesians, to be very careful how you live...making the most of every opportunity...understand what the Lord's will is. But even more so - live as though we believe that God will do what He has said He will do.

(*CFT - Chris Fenstermaker Translation - unorthodox and unauthorized)

Revised from the original post on October 22, 2009 at Thinking In Reality.