Why I Hate Running and What I'm Running From:

Hebrews 12:1-2
And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith.

There's nothing I despise more than running.  It takes so much out of me.  Energy.  Strength.  Motivation.  But that's what I've been doing lately.  This time, I'm not talking about physical running.  I'm talking about emotional...and spiritual running.  

To put it vaguely, I've been going through a difficult time in my life.  God has blessed me with so much, and the roots of those blessings run so deep in my life- but the stems of those blessings have began to blossom into pain, suffering, and stress.  The seeds must fall in order for the fruit to be birthed.  I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces much fruit (John 12:24).

I'm waiting for that fruit.  Having to remind myself that it is actually rooted in blessings, though some days blessing is the last thing I feel.  Some days, I just feel crushed.  Pressed.  Persecuted.  And struck down.  

For a moment, I thought the seeds had fallen...I thought it was time to harvest, to taste, to enjoy the fruit.  But I was wrong.  The season is not yet over.  

It's like I was running a marathon, headed toward the finish line, desperate to get to the end.  And when I reached the finish line, I turned the corner and realized that I still had 5 miles to run...

The end would come.  But it was not yet.  

Sometimes, this thought can be more devastating than encouraging.  Sometimes, your body and your soul and your mind just want to get to the end, and you aren't sure if you have the strength to make it through to the finish line. You just don't know if you have what it takes.  Just ask me a few weeks ago, and I, too, didn't think I could.  

But here I am...am still running...

More than anything, I'm thankful that this race I'm running isn't about me, and the strength that I am running with has nothing to do with myself.  I'm thankful that when I am weak and my faith is imperfect, I can fix my eyes on the one who perfects my faith.  I'm thankful that the race has an end, it's not as short as I want it to be, and it's not as straight- but it's a race that was made just for me.  It was marked out for me.  It is mine.  For a reason.   Though I don't always know what that reason is, one thing I do know:

It refines me.  It stretches me.  It teaches me.  It perfects me.  

As much as I hate running...and trust me, I really despise it...I'm learning to be thankful in this race.  I'm learning to run the race marked out for me, and to fix my eyes on Jesus each and every step of the way.  

5 miles to go.  I'm running from fear, doubt, worry, and pain.  And instead, I'm running to Jesus. 

The finish line is in sight.  I'm hopeful that I'll push through and get there.  

May you, dear one, keep running, too. 

What To Do With Your Pain:

Matthew 9:21
"She said to herself, "If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed."

I was reading this passage in Matthew 9 last night, and was struck by the faith of this woman.  I never thought about her condition before, but in other passages of scripture it describes her as a woman with a bleeding disorder, who had been bleeding for years upon years.  This was not a small thing.  I don't know why but I never before realized the struggle that this must have been for her.

I can only imagine the debilitation of such a disorder in the time where modern medicine and medical conveniences didn't exist.  Just getting out of her house must have been a feat, much less taking the time to find and follow this man who claimed to be able to heal and forgive.

She believed that she would find comfort in the presence of Jesus, and she did whatever it took to get close to Him.  It may have cost her embarrassment, humiliation, and shame- but she sought after it as though it were her final hope.  And ultimately, it was. 

That's faith. 

Faith that was recognized by Jesus. 

I can't say that I understand the struggles and difficulties that come with severe and chronic illness, but I do understand pain.  I may not have experienced physical pain like so many have, but I have definitely experienced emotional pain, relational pain, and sometimes even spiritual pain.

I was struck by the faith of this woman...because I know what it feels like to be in pain and need a healer.  But it's easy to want healing...and a whole other thing to seek it out.

I am challenged by her diligence, and her drive to find Jesus, to follow Him, and to touch Him.  I want that for my life.  You see, I believe He has the power to heal, to cleanse, to fill...but I fail to seek Him, to follow Him, and to touch Him in my life.

I want that kind of faith.  A faith that doesn't just believe...but one that acts on my beliefs.  

Maybe you too are dealing with some sort of pain in your life, in need of a healing touch.  Maybe your strength is gone, your body is weak, and your mind is confused.  Maybe you believe in a God who can heal, comfort, and transform...and take that pain.

Be diligent to find Him, to follow Him, and to touch Him.  Make time for Him in your day and invite Him into your pain.  Let your beliefs bring you close to the God who heals...and allow yourself to be made new in His presence. 

 

Most of the Things You Worry About Never Happen...But if They Do:

Acts 7:54-60
⁵⁴ When the members of the Sanhedrin heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him. ⁵⁵ But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. ⁵⁶ “Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.”
 ⁵⁷ At this they covered their ears and, yelling at the top of their voices, they all rushed at him, ⁵⁸ dragged him out of the city and began to stone him. Meanwhile, the witnesses laid their coats at the feet of a young man named Saul.
 ⁵⁹ While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” ⁶⁰ Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep. 

What are your greatest fears?  

What are the things that keep you up at night...just worrying?  Worry: the act of thinking negatively about things (that might I add...may never happen...). 

If you're anything like me, it's easy to let your brain get carried away and your mind wander.  All of the things that could happen, that might happen, that should happen.  What if they do?  What would I do?  How would I survive?

And so we busy ourselves with the worries of our world...

This passage in Acts was a so refreshing for me to read and discuss yesterday in our bible study small group.  I know it's usually focused on the martyrdom of a man, who gave it all for Jesus...but for me, I saw it in a totally different light.

I saw a man who faced one of the greatest fears ever known to man...the fear of death.  A man who may have had a wife and children, family and friends...who suddenly found himself facing the painful sting of death...reaching the moment where life as he knew it would come to an end.

Sometimes I fear death.  It's all around us.  Grandparents dying of old age...parents becoming ill...tragedies of wives, husbands, and children...sometimes it makes me fear death too.

But more than that...I fear other things.  Smaller than death.  Illness...loneliness...depression.  Pain...betrayal...conflict.  The list goes on and on. There are so many things to fear if we are looking for them.  One reason I love this passage so much is because to me, it's a model of how we should face our greatest fears.

It's the story of a man who had to face his greatest fears...and the story of a God who wouldn't let him face those fears alone.

It's a story of the man who did not have the strength to look death in the eye...and the story of a God who became His strength.

You see, in the worst moment of this man's life- God showed up.  At the most horrific second...Jesus was right there.  He blinded Stephen's vision from the terrors of this world until all that he could see was the glory of God. In the worst moment...He became his vision.  He became all that he could see.

I am filled with hope as I walk through this life that God will give me what I need...when I need it.  Sometimes I allow myself to worry, and think "I don't have the strength..." rather, I should be thankful that I don't have the strength...because I don't need it!

You see, God doesn't give you the strength to face your fears...until the moment you have to face them. He doesn't give you the ability to handle your worries...but He gives you the wisdom to hand your worries to Him.  

"Even though I walk through the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me..."

Be assured, as you look ahead at the fires of life...and know that as you walk through the fire...you will never be alone.  

Why Worry Despises God:

Matthew 6:24-27

   ²⁴ “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

Do Not Worry

    ²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[e]?

I've read this passage on worry many times in my life.  Matthew 6 has become one of those "go-to" chapters for me when I feel that my emotions have gotten the best of me.  It's as though these verses have been medicine to my soul, reminding me that God is bigger than all of my problems, that He knows my needs, and that He will take care of me.

But this passage took on a more serious tone as I was reading it the other day.  I noticed something that I had always skimmed through before: the context.  

A rule of thumb when studying the bible in context is to always be aware of verses that start out with the word "Therefore".  The word therefore always signals that you need to take a deeper look into what you are reading.  It signals that this verse cannot be taken alone, but must be looked at in consideration with the verses that came before it.


I've always known this, but for the first time- the context of this passage helped me look at the meaning of worry in a whole new way.

Right before Jesus begins his talk about worry, He is reminding us of our tendency to have a fragmented heart.  He explains as followers of Jesus we can not be double-minded, loving God- but also loving something else, in this case- money.  


I don't necessarily consider myself an idolater.  I don't see myself as a person who serves two Gods.  Whenever I read those verses about worshiping God or worshiping money, I always supposed I was choosing God....undoubtedly so.  


Jesus boldly proclaims that you cannot serve both God and money.  He explains that if you serve one...you will hate the other.   Those are some serious words.


But here's what got me.  Right after making this declaration He goes on to say:


Therefore, [aka with what I just said in mind] do not worry about your life.

Essentially, what Jesus is saying is that by worrying about our life- we have chosen to serve that master of money rather than God.  By worrying, we have allowed the idol of material things to take root in our hearts and become the very thing to which we are pledging our allegiance.  By worrying, we have in essence said that we are devoted to the things of this world...and not to our God.  

We need to take a serious look at the dangers of worry.  We need to begin to see it as the pedestal that allows the material to take the place of the supernatural.  The seed that allows the sin of idolatry to take root in our hearts.  The god that divides our hearts and minds and fools us into believing that this life here on earth is our final home.  

May we say no to the idol of worry. 

Greater things are yet to come....Homeboy.

John 1:47-50
 ⁴⁷ When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said of him, “Here truly is an Israelite in whom there is no deceit.”
 ⁴⁸ “How do you know me?” Nathanael asked.
   Jesus answered, “I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you.”
 ⁴⁹ Then Nathanael declared, “Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the king of Israel.”
 ⁵⁰ Jesus said, “You believe^[a] because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You will see greater things than that.”

I love that God's word meets you where you're at.  What I mean by that, is that I can be reading a passage I read 100 times, but this time God uses a certain verse, in a certain way, to touch my heart.  And He always seems to know just what I need.


For some reason, I found this passage amazing last night as I was reading this chapter in John.  Jesus is just starting his ministry.  It's hard to fathom that, since for us, the name Jesus holds so much depth, meaning, and fame.  But at this point in scripture, he was just a regular young guy, in his early thirties.  No fame, no prestige, nothing.


He runs into Nathaniel, a young Hebrew.  Nathaniel had just been told by his friend Philip that he had found the Messiah, the one they'd been waiting for, the one who would come to save them. 

Nathaniel wondered if it Jesus could really be the one.  Jesus, of Nazareth?  How strange for the Messiah to come from such a lowly place.  It didn't quite align with Nathaniel's ideas and expectations...


How familiar does that sound?  I find myself doubting Jesus time and time again.  Maybe not with my words- but with my feelings, my heart, and my life.  Doubting him through my worry, my fears, and my insecurities.  But the beautiful thing about our Jesus, is that He never lets our doubting get in the way of his love for us.  He pursues us like a desperate lover, doing whatever it will take to allow us to be loved by Him.


"I saw you while you were still under the fig tree".  He knew just what Philip needed in order to believe.


But my favorite part about this passage is what Jesus says next:  You believe because I told you I saw you under the fig tree....but you will see greater things than that.  


I find Jesus so humble in how he approaches us silly human beings.  He could blow us away with his power...He could send fire from heaven and thunder from hell.  He could surround us with an incredible choir of angels, singing praises to His name...and say "Check that out homeboy..."


But he doesn't.  Instead, he meets us where we're at...and asks us to follow him from there.  He meets us where we're at, and bids us to come along.  He opens his power and his heart up to us piece by piece as we allow ourselves to truly commit to him.  "You will see greater things than that...if you come along for the ride.  If you follow me.  If you trust and believe.  I will take you to incredible places."

I'm glad Nathaniel took the chance on this young man from Nazareth.  I'm glad he decided to give it all up and follow this man who claimed to change his life.  I am glad...and I'm also challenged.  I want to live the kind of life that believes- not just when I see with my eyes, but just because I know the heart of the God I am choosing to trust.  I want to believe more, and more, and allow God to usher me into greater and greater things.  I don't want my doubt to hold me back anymore.  I want to wake up everyday, recommitting myself to the relationship I have with Jesus, and expecting great things. 


God has promised us great things....greater than we have ever imagined.  Not necessarily what we expect...because sometimes the unexpected is far better than we could have ever planned.  I want to step out of the way and allow God to have His way in my heart and in my life.  


Greater things are yet to come...will you choose to follow?


 

How to Kill Worry:

Matthew 6:34 
Do not worry about tomorrow…

Yeah.  I know what you’re thinking, “easier said than done”.  It’s true.

This concept that is all throughout scripture is probably one of the hardest verses to actually follow through.  “Do not murder”, “Do not steal”…those we can probably handle if we really focus, but “Do not worry”, well, that one seems slightly overrated.

I am a worrier.  I find it hard to let go of control and allow life to just happen.  Even today, I find myself preoccupied with a little bit of worry.  Things that can aggressively consume my mind if I’m not careful.

Over the years I’ve come to depend on a few cognitive doctrines to help me wrestle with the intrusiveness of my worry:

1. Take worry seriously.  Don’t allow yourself to worry about anything- from things as simple as the weather to things as serious as your loved ones.  Worry is like a poison, that can easily spread into every part of your life and eventually conquer your reality.
2. Remember that worry is not from God.  It’s not an innocent process of “thinking through things” as we may try to justify it.  Worry is directly linked to fear, and where there is fear, there is a lack of faith.  These thoughts are not from God, and the longer we allow them to permeate our mind the more we are distancing ourselves from God’s perspective and pulling away from His presence.  
3. Consider what worry is replacing: Prayer.  When we worry, we are allowing thoughts that could be devoted to prayer to be sidetracked to fuel for our anxiety.  Worry plays the part of our prayers, and in the end, nothing gets accomplished.  
4. Remember, something supernatural happens when we deliberately choose to give our worries to God in prayer.  You don’t have to understand it, and you can’t explain it, because it doesn’t make any sense, but it’s guaranteed.  Our Lord promises it.  When we act on what we believe, God exchanges our worry for true, unrivaled peace.  

So whatever is on your mind today, there is only one thing to consider:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7).