What Your Encouragement to Others Says About You:

Hebrews 3:13
So encourage each other daily...so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. 


My cousin Jennifer is one of the most encouraging people I know.  For the past year I have been observing her bless and encourage the people around her with phone calls, text messages, emails, and so much more.  It seems so natural for her, as though she doesn't even have to think about it.   No matter what has been going on in my life the past couple years, she's always reached out to say a simple hello and let me know she is thinking or praying for me....even during times when I wasn't always reaching out to her. 

I'm challenged by this kind of encouragement in the body of Christ.  It's a kind of encouragement that embodies the love of Jesus.  It's a kind of encouragement that reaches beyond self and into the lives of others.  It's a kind of encouragement that exudes confidence, grace, and sincere compassion.   

I want to be a person that encourages those around me, because according to scripture, people who can't seem to encourage others are some of the most hardened people on earth.  In Hebrews we are reminded to encourage each other daily..."so as not to be hardened by sin's deceit." 

When encouragement is difficult in your life, you must really ask yourself why.  Because 100 times out of 100, the difficulty to encourage has nothing to do with the people around you- and everything to do with your heart.  When we fail to encourage those around us, our hearts become insecure, covetous, isolated, and weak.  Like the Grinch, our hearts become three sizes too small.  Our lack of encouragement is always a symptom of something more.  Something deep inside of us that is not as it should be. 

You see, the greatest deceit we can experience is by believing this world is all about us.  The hardest our hearts will get, is when we believe that we are to be recipients of encouragement rather than distributors of encouragement.  When we focus inward, we will find our hearts cold, hardened, and alone.  We will find ourselves trapped in our own sin of selfishness and despair. 

I want to practice encouraging others in every aspect of my life.  I want to work on being called outside of myself, focusing on the lives of people around me.  I'm doing my best to practice this within my core group of friends, but I want it to become so much a part of my life that it is felt by everyone I come into contact with.   I want the confidence of Jesus and the value I have in Him to be my foundation, so that I am freed to give encouragement to others without the motive to receive it in return. 

I want to encourage others daily, so that my heart is soft and secure...and freed to love like Jesus loved.

"Student says- 'I am very discouraged what should I do'. Master says- 'encourage others'"

Why I Hate Running and What I'm Running From:

Hebrews 12:1-2
And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith.

There's nothing I despise more than running.  It takes so much out of me.  Energy.  Strength.  Motivation.  But that's what I've been doing lately.  This time, I'm not talking about physical running.  I'm talking about emotional...and spiritual running.  

To put it vaguely, I've been going through a difficult time in my life.  God has blessed me with so much, and the roots of those blessings run so deep in my life- but the stems of those blessings have began to blossom into pain, suffering, and stress.  The seeds must fall in order for the fruit to be birthed.  I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces much fruit (John 12:24).

I'm waiting for that fruit.  Having to remind myself that it is actually rooted in blessings, though some days blessing is the last thing I feel.  Some days, I just feel crushed.  Pressed.  Persecuted.  And struck down.  

For a moment, I thought the seeds had fallen...I thought it was time to harvest, to taste, to enjoy the fruit.  But I was wrong.  The season is not yet over.  

It's like I was running a marathon, headed toward the finish line, desperate to get to the end.  And when I reached the finish line, I turned the corner and realized that I still had 5 miles to run...

The end would come.  But it was not yet.  

Sometimes, this thought can be more devastating than encouraging.  Sometimes, your body and your soul and your mind just want to get to the end, and you aren't sure if you have the strength to make it through to the finish line. You just don't know if you have what it takes.  Just ask me a few weeks ago, and I, too, didn't think I could.  

But here I am...am still running...

More than anything, I'm thankful that this race I'm running isn't about me, and the strength that I am running with has nothing to do with myself.  I'm thankful that when I am weak and my faith is imperfect, I can fix my eyes on the one who perfects my faith.  I'm thankful that the race has an end, it's not as short as I want it to be, and it's not as straight- but it's a race that was made just for me.  It was marked out for me.  It is mine.  For a reason.   Though I don't always know what that reason is, one thing I do know:

It refines me.  It stretches me.  It teaches me.  It perfects me.  

As much as I hate running...and trust me, I really despise it...I'm learning to be thankful in this race.  I'm learning to run the race marked out for me, and to fix my eyes on Jesus each and every step of the way.  

5 miles to go.  I'm running from fear, doubt, worry, and pain.  And instead, I'm running to Jesus. 

The finish line is in sight.  I'm hopeful that I'll push through and get there.  

May you, dear one, keep running, too. 

3 Things Marriage Doesn't Do: In case All You Single Peeps Were Wondering

Genesis 2:18
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

I meet with young singles all the time in my counseling practice and get emails from all over the world from young adults looking for love.  They long to be married and have an insatiable desire inside of their heart to meet the significant other who they can finally call, "the one".

I remember being in that place not too long ago.    It's hard to imagine marriage accurately from the perspective of a single young adult.  Even with all the chaos modeled in modern day marriages all around us, somehow the idea of marriage still gets idolized beyond reasonable expectations.  Everyone believes that their marriage will be different, looking to Hollywood dreams and romance as their example. 

It's easy to fall into the lie that finding your spouse will be the ultimate road to happiness and great satisfaction.  That all problems, fears, and deficits will fade away in the presence of true love.    That may be true of God's love...but let me tell you, it sure ain't true in the world of love and marriage.

Don't get me wrong.  I love being married.  I believe I'm married to the greatest man alive (go figure!) but somehow, he still manages to disappoint sometimes.  And I certainly have the tendency to let him down (I know, shocking!).

For all the things that marriage has done to enhance my life and stretch my love, there are still some things that it will never be able to do.  Here's what I've discovered: 

1.  Marriage doesn't delete your insecurities:  I'm not sure why I ever thought it would.  For some reason, the idea of being loved unconditionally by another human being seemed like it would do the trick in helping me feel better about myself.  I thought that being married and seeing love through the eyes of another would really teach me how to love myself.  Wrong.  So very wrong.

I think that way of thinking has done more harm than good to many a marriage in our world.  No one has the power to deal with our inadequacies and insecurities but us.  Putting those insane expectations on a spouse will only cause harm, because there is a 100% chance that they can't really change how we view ourselves.

No matter how much encouragement, affection, affirmation, and validation I get from my husband...at the end of the day, true security comes when I choose to see myself through the eyes of my God, not through the eyes of my spouse (or anyone else for that matter).  Relying on your spouse to fill those insatiable needs is a recipe for disaster- because frankly, even my superman husband lacks the capability to offer me what I need for true value and self worth.  That can only come from within.  My security comes from my relationship with God, and then whatever praises and encouragement my husband gives to me is simply the overflow. 

2.  Marriage can't give you purpose: One thing that I had a hard time attending a Christian college, is glimpsing the attitude of women who were out to fulfill one mission in life: Finding a godly man.  Don't get me wrong, I personally was on the lookout....but there was something behind the drive of these young girls that really disturbed me.  Their sole purpose in life was to catch a man.  They even joked that they were there to get their "MRS." degree...

Something has gone terribly wrong when young Christians believe that their sole purpose in life is to find marital love.  First of all, this belief is dangerous in that it robs us of true joy and purpose in life...purpose that can never be taken away.  The bible encourages us to live this life for God's glory...to love Him and to love others, making a difference in the world by displaying this kind of love.  We are each made for a unique purpose and design far beyond the scope of marriage and relationships.  Though marriage can be an incredible gift, it is a means to the end, not the end itself.

When we see relationships as the end of the road of purpose, we find ourselves facing a wall of disappointment with no where left to go when we finally arrive.  Marriage may be the avenue in fulfilling our purpose, but it is not the final destination.  We need to seek God's purpose for our lives FAR beyond just finding a spouse, and allow His purpose to be the course that guides our lives and our direction.  Rather than asking what God can do for us, we need to look to Him in seeking what WE can do for HIM.  In this is true purpose.  And who knows, we might just run into a spouse a long the way...this one, I can personally vouch for. 

3.  Marriage won't make you whole:  I remember watching a Beth Moore video in which she used the analogy of a cup in assessing the heart of a Christian.  I love the analogy, because our emotional worlds are certainly like cups.  We either feel full, or empty throughout our lives.  One problem I see with young adults is that they live their lives half-full.  Not really knowing themselves, not really taking time to assess their needs, deal with their problems, habits, and hang ups....they seek out relationships in hopes that those relationships will fill them up and make them whole.  They bring their wounds to relationships for bandaging, not realizing that two broken and wounded people can be of no help to one another.

Marriage can be a source of motivation and encouragement, but it can never make you whole.  Your spouse cannot bring healing into your life and renewed thinking into your mind.  The road to healing must be seen as your own personal journey...one that you must walk alone.  You will never feel whole in the presence of your mate if you don't feel whole on your own.

God's design for marriage is to bring two whole people together, giving them double the strength to reach a lost and dying world.  Now mind you, I didn't say perfect....I said whole.  We are not expected to reach perfection before marriage, because that would make for a whole lot of single people here on earth.  But though we can't be perfect, we can reach for healing and choose to take control of the things that we can change in our lives.  God grants wholeness to those who are willing...

So before you jump into a relationship with insane expectations, consider where you are at as a single man or woman.  Consider how much you have allowed Jesus to bring security, purpose, and healing into your life.  Rather than seeing your spouse as the missing piece to your puzzle, the road to marriage should be seen as two people, figuring out the puzzle together.

It is  about finding a comrade, not ultimate contentment.  It is about finding a help mate, not a healer.     

Get your ideas straight now, while you are single...and give your future spouse the most beautiful gift of realistic expectations. 

Lonely Jesus: Lonely You

John 16:32
³² “A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me."

Something about this verse caught my attention.  I think it was the reality of Jesus' words as he looked ahead at the suffering which he was about to take on.  


When looking at the passion of Christ, we tend to focus on the physical suffering that he went through, so much so that we forget the emotional journey that He experienced.  But the emotional turmoil that He took on is an important reality to consider- because there is a component to it that many of us go through each and every single day: 


Loneliness.

Jesus understood it.  He not only understood it, he experienced it.  He knew the feeling of being left by his dearest friends.  He felt the pain of being betrayed by the ones He loved.  He lived the reality of being disowned and rejected, and of being left alone.  

The reality of living as a man exposed Jesus to the brokenness of humanity...and in turn, the brokenness of the people He loved the most.  People let Him down...


Maybe you can relate.  Maybe you, too, understand the sting of rejection and the pain of abandonment.  Maybe the word loneliness holds a place in your life that you never imagined it could.  Find comfort in two things.


First, find comfort in the truth that the God of all creation allowed Himself to go through what you are going through.  Find comfort in knowing that when you are hurting, alone, and afraid- he has been there too.  He gets it.  He hurts with you because He has felt what you feel.


Second, find comfort in knowing that when everyone and everything fails and you find yourself all alone...you are not.  You will never be.  To the depth that you are able to feel loneliness, He is able to give you companionship.  You are not alone, because your Father God is right by your side.  You may not always feel it, and so it may be hard to believe it, but you must never allow your feelings to dictate your reality.  


"And remember that I am always with you until the end of time."


Reflect on this truth.  Allow it to sink into your heart.  And take heart in the truth that you are never, ever alone. 

Don't be Broken: On Doubt

Ecclesiastes 4:12
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Last night I attended a bible study on the topic of doubt.  It was a very powerful study, asking us to come clean and face the questions in our lives that may be holding us back.  More than anything this evening, the thing that struck me most was an observation by the pastor David Jeremiah.

He noted that through Christian history, the times when men and women doubt the most is when they find themselves in isolation.  He pointed to the doubting moments of Thomas, and John the Baptist and recognized that the height of their doubting was in seasons when they were utterly alone. 

C.S. Lewis the great thinker even agrees that the moments when he felt the greatest doubt was in the moments of being alone.  I think we can all relate to this concept.  There is power in numbers.  The entire sociological theory of group think is based on this idea. 

As Christians, it is easy to find our fears and struggles amplified in the theater of isolation.

I was talking to my friend Steve today.  In a couple of days he and his wife are leaving for a three month journey into the country of Honduras.  They have given up their jobs and their families, in order to follow God's calling.  We were discussing this concept of doubt as he mentioned the prospect of leaving all forms of communication behind.  There is no "doubt" in my mind that he will face the giant of doubt at some point on his trip...

I look back at my life and realize that these moments of isolation were the moments that I found myself questioning both God and myself.  Working alone in the inner city.  Living apart from family and friends.  New cities where I didn't know a soul. 

Is this where God really wants me?
Did I make the right choice?

Is God really listening?  Is He really here?  Does He really care?

Does He even exist?

If you are anything like me, these questions probably come as no surprise.  It is likely that each and every one of us has at one point faced the crossroads of doubt in our lives.  And at the end of the day, doubt is not defined by the questions it asks, but by the answers it seeks. 

For those of you who find ourselves doubting, be assured that the road you are walking on will ultimately merge with the very same road that will lead you to the One you are looking for.  If you follow the road to the very end- Doubt will always lead to deliverance. Though sometimes it may break you in the process of healing you. 

The road of doubt can be quite difficult when you are walking alone...

Don't allow yourself to continue walking as one.  Reach out to those who love you.  Voice your struggles and your questions to your friends, your mentors, and your family.  Find someone who you trust and ask them to share with you in your struggles.  The greatest men and women of all time of faced the obstacle of doubt...and have overcome.  Don't allow your isolation to convince you that the road you are walking on has no end.  Don't allow it to break you.   

One man can be overpowered, two can defend themselves...but a cord of three strands is not easily broken. 

The Fear of Being Invisible: What Facebook Can't Do...

James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

I was reading a blog post the other day about loneliness.  The blogger was discussing the massive pull to social networks such as facebook.  He contributed this need to connect with the reality that many of us are incredibly lonely, living our lives in search of some validation. 

This post reminded me of something my friend Brad once said: "The greatest fear of man- is the fear of being invisible".

That comment hit me because I believe it to be true.  We are living in a very paradoxical age- surrounded by avenues of communication, but isolated more than ever.  Longing for someone to witness our lives...and somehow make us worthwhile. 

If we're honest, we will come to terms with the truth that there are many lonely people out there.  You might be one of them.  I really believe that Jesus has a special place in his heart for those who feel alone.  This verse is an example of that heart- a call to reach out to the loneliest people we can find.  Its command is clear- to look after the orphans and the widows, those who have been neglected by society.  This is true religion.

This day and age, "orphans and widows" are all around us.  The old lady walking along the street by herself, the teenager from an abusive home, the immigrant trying to find a way to fit in, the child stuck in the ugly cycle of the foster care system.  We are surrounded by orphans and widows, but if we aren't looking, we won't find them. 

I'm convinced that within this verse is a command to reach out to the lonely, those who have no one else to run to and no where else to turn.  It's time to take inventory of the fruit of our religion- by counting how many people we are reaching out to, rather than simply counting our "facebook friends".

This is true religion, the kind God looks down on and smiles.  Maybe it's time to take this command seriously and sponsor a child through Compassion International or Christian Orphan Outreach.  Maybe it's time to carve out some time to volunteer at the local pregnancy center or nursing home.  Maybe it's time to take a look at the people right outside our door- our neighbors and our friends, and begin living in a way that makes others feel validated- that makes them feel visible.

On the other hand, maybe you are the one feeling all alone and invisible.  Maybe you are longing for someone to reach out to you.  It's time to take free yourself from the pit of loneliness.  It's time to recognize your needs and reach out to those around you...

May God give us grace to recognize our own needs as well as reach out to touch the needs of others.  May we learn the art of validation, and of making others visible.  Amen.