The Obsession of Physical Appearance:

I read an article recently addressing the dangers of body-image issues.  The most horrifying thing about this article was the fact that it was addressing patterns found in elementary school aged children, and the eating disorders and self-esteem issues that are becoming a serious problem even among 6-9 year olds. 

It’s not surprising if you ask me.  As a professional counselor, every year I’m seeing these issues pop up at an earlier and earlier age.  The concept of body-image has taken on such an important role in our society, and the effects of that are slowly trickling down into the generations beneath us.  If for no other reason than that, something has seriously got to change.  

I don’t know of many things that have such power over how a person feels about themselves than that of body-image.  For many young men and women, our physical appearance has become the measuring stick against which our entire value and worth are assessed by.  But let’s get real: as detrimental as this value system can be, it’s really hard to just “walk away” from that measuring stick when everything around you is pointing you in that direction.  

 It doesn't take much observation to realize that we live in a society that glorifies the physical, and to be honest, it's really easy to get caught up in that.  We all want to look good in one way or another.  We want the world around us to stop and take notice.  That is the natural outflow of the fact that we were created to be loved and adored.  

I get that.  But, I also see that this desire has become a dangerous idol for many people, young and old.  We've allowed this natural desire for love and attention to fuel an unrelenting obsession with the physical- an obsession that is destroying the lives of countless individuals in its aftermath, leaving so many without hope and without significance because of a few natural short comings (and sometimes no short comings at all!)

At one point in my life, I found myself walking down this dangerous path- a life of obsession, negativity, and self-deprecation that was sucking every ounce of joy, value and worth from my life little by little.  The negativity I had was even starting to affect the people around me, who graciously had enough love for me to call it out for the trap that it was.

I had to make a decision to get out of this pit before it got too deep.  It wasn't easy, let me tell you that.  I was so used to living by a value system that was based on the external that I had forgotten how to do it any other way.  Slowly, but surely, I was able to deliberately put some things into action that saved me from some serious pain.  Here are some things that helped me break free from this cycle:

1. Choose to stop thinking negatively:  First and foremost I had to take some major inventory of my thoughts.  Believe it or not your brain is actually train-able.  Patterns of thinking will easily develop based on the route you encourage your thoughts to go.  I had been stuck in some seriously catastrophic patterns of thinking that had become so natural I hardly noticed them.  I had to start taking the time to listen for my negative self-talk, begin to write it down, and call it out for what it was: straight up lies.  

The second part of this process was not just calling out the lies, but replacing them with truth.  I had to begin developing a totally new value system that was based on the value and worth that God had for me.  I memorized verses, talked to God, and read books that reminded me of what my true measuring stick was, and I had to daily (sometimes hourly) choose to measure myself up against the qualities of the internal rather than the external.  

2.  Take inventory of who you spend time with and what is coming out of your mouth:  This was huge for me.  I realized that so much of my time was being spent with people just like me- stuck in a rut, measuring themselves up by standards that were pretty much unattainable- and we were all falling short together (group failure can be addicting).  Every conversation and interaction was reinforcing my need to focus on my shortcomings, whether it was through complaining, comparing, or competing.  I had to make a point to limit my time with the people that only added to my physical baggage, and hold myself accountable for the things I was allowing to come out of my mouth.  The less you think about something the less you talk about it- and the less you talk about it, the less you think about it.  It was time for me to start making some real changes.      

3.  Get involved in things that promote your true self:   It’s easy to get caught up in a faulty measuring stick when you feel as though you have nothing else of value.  I knew that I had so many qualities and talents that had been hibernating due to my fixation on the physical.  I had to take the time to stretch those muscles again and realize that I had so much more to offer the world than my appearance.  I got out there and volunteered, used my leadership qualities, wrote encouraging notes, and spent time with those in need.  I took advantage of these little things that reminded me that I had so much to offer and gave me a fresh glimpse of the world around me.  

The truth is a negative and self-deprecating person has the ability to be just as vain and conceited (if not more) than someone who is narcissistic, because at the end of the day- whether negative or positive, both individuals are fixated on SELF.  Getting out and getting involved helped me take the needed time and energy to focus my life on others instead of being so completely wrapped up in myself.   

4.  Take a look at the deeper issues:  For some individuals, the concept of body-image issues runs very deep.  A few of the above steps might be helpful to some extent, but won’t have the power to pull them out of the trap of their body-image obsession.  Control issues, abandonment fears, and lack of boundaries in their world are just some of the things that might be fueling the need to focus on the physical.  If this is you, don’t take these things lightly.  The longer you are in this trap, the more difficult it is to get out.  Take some time to address these issues by finding a professional counselor and giving yourself the opportunity you need to focus on gaining back the control and getting your life back.      

I don’t know about you, but I want to be a person that is adding to the value and self-worth of the generation beneath me.  I want to be a person that sees the good inside of others, and begins to encourage them for the God-given qualities and value that are unique to them.  But at the end of the day, that only begins with learning to see the good inside of me.      


*This article originally written for RelevantMagazine.com 

Put Your Hands in the Air....

Psalm 63:3-4
³ Because your love is better than life,
   my lips will glorify you.
⁴ I will praise you as long as I live,
   and in your name I will lift up my hands. 

Last week my husband and I attended a Chris Tomlin concert.  It was an incredible night of worship.  During the concert, speaker Louie Giglio gave an uplifting talk about worship.  The following is my attempt to summarize his words into my own.  


He started off by discussing this concept of "raising your hands" to God during worship.  Some people write it off by saying it's a denominational thing.  "The charismatics raise their hands in church..."

He went on to explain that, no....it's not a matter of denomination.  It's a "human thing".  Louie gave examples all across the world of people, from Christians to Buddhists to none of the above, raising their hands as an act of being "human".

Sporting events...Concerts...Religious Ceremonies...all across our world, humanity raises it's hands as an act of expressing emotion.  Something inside that can no longer be held in.  Something that needs to be released. 

Louie then went on to explain three reasons why we raise our hands:

1.  Surrender:  The First thing that comes to my mind is the phrase "You're under arrest".  If you think about it, the act of surrender seems to always include hands raised to heaven.  In a sense we are saying, "I give up...I am submitting to you".  How many of us need to raise our hands in surrender?  How many of us have chosen to do things our way time and time again?  It's time to give in.  It's time to surrender.

2.  Celebration: People all over the world lift their hands to celebrate.  From dancing to music concerts to football games.  It's easy to raise our hands for Penn State football...but we shy away from letting our emotions celebrate the love of our God.  It's okay to let it out.  Take some time to celebrate who God is and what He has done in your life.

3.  Desperation:  Maybe you don't feel like you can celebrate.  Maybe your life is at a difficult place right now, and you feel the sting of desperation each and every single day.  You are at the end of your rope with no where else to turn.  You're hoping for a miracle.  Today, raise your hands to God in desperation.  Remind yourself that when all else fails, He is your hope...your last hope.  And those who hope in the Lord will not be let down. 

Don't ever let your "dignity" get in the way of allowing your heart and body to worship the way they were meant to.  No matter where your heart is today...take some time to raise your hands in worship of a God who deserves it. 

The Gift of Unhappiness: On true Joy

John 12:3
Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus' feet and wiped his feet with her hair. 

There are a lot of "happy" things going on in my life right now.  My husband and I just bought our first home two weeks ago.  We are having so much fun setting up and decorating, and making it our own.  We are also expecting the birth of our first child- a little baby girl, at the end of September.  There is so much excitement in thinking about her and imagining what she will be like.  We just moved to a new city, where we are surrounded by family and friends who love and care for us.  Like I said, a lot of things to make a person "happy". 

But I must say, yesterday evening, "happy" is not exactly what I was feeling.  In between all the running around, setting up, planning and dreaming- something went wrong.  I tried to put my finger on it, and then I realized: I was experiencing the GIFT of Unhappiness. 

Max Lucado refers to this gift in chapter one of his book "Heaven, God's Highest Hope".  He discusses the concept of unhappiness as a gift- because it reminds us that we will never be truly happy by the things of this world alone.  My favorite part of the chapter describes the gift of unhappiness like this:

"Unhappiness on earth cultivates a hunger for heaven. By gracing us with a deep dissatisfaction, God holds our attention. The only tragedy, then, is to be satisfied prematurely. To settle for earth. To be content in a strange land...We are not happy here because we are not at home here. We are not happy here because we are not supposed to be happy here. We are “like foreigners and strangers in this world” (1 Pet.
2:11).

Take a fish and place him on the beach.2 Watch his gills gasp and scales dry. Is he happy? No! How do you make him happy? Do you cover him with a mountain of cash? Do you get him a beach chair and sunglasses? Do you bring him a Playfish magazine and martini? Do you wardrobe him in double-breasted fins and people-skinned shoes? Of course not. Then how do you make him happy? You put him back in his element. You put him back in the water. He will never be happy on the beach simply because he was not made for the beach.

And you will never be completely happy on earth simply because you were not made for earth. 

Oh, you will have your moments of joy. You will catch glimpses of light. You will know moments or even days of peace. But they simply do not compare with the happiness that lies ahead....
 
Those moments are appetizers for the dish that is to come."

I don't think there is a better explanation for what I was feeling last night.  You see, when God's blessings are used to replace Him- the end result can only be unhappiness.  It's so easy to get caught up in all that he has given and forget to take the time to get caught up in Him.  The only source of true joy.  The only place in which our hearts find rest.

As Saint Augustine so eloquently says: "Thou hast made us for Thyself and our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee"


So what does all this have to do with Mary pouring perfume at Jesus feet?  As I read this story this morning, it reminded me of the importance of taking all our physical blessings and pouring them at the feet of Jesus.  True happiness, therefore, is not found in enjoying the perfume- but in pouring it at the feet of the one who is worthy. 

I'm challenged to take all the blessings that I have been given and bring them back in thanksgiving and adoration to the feet of Jesus.  This is where true happiness can be found.  This is where permanent joy can be achieved.  Joy that stands alone.  Joy that is not dependent on the things received but on the One who gives those things.  Joy that is everlasting.

Thank you God, for the gift of unhappiness....because it reminds us where true joys are to be found. 

Routine Faith:

It's so easy to get caught up in our routines. Somehow those things that should be in the background of our lives find their way to the forefront. This reflection is a challenge to step back and be set free from the chains of our routine.

Zechariah 7:5
Ask the people of the land and the priests, “When you fasted and mourned in the fifth and seventh months for the past seventy years, was it really for me that you fasted?”


We function on routine. In fact, we find comfort in the predictability that routine offers. We know that each day the sun will rise and that it will set. We know that we will pass through twenty four hours in a day, and seven days in a week. We have our daily schedules planned, and our alarm clocks set for the same time each day. There is a sense of power that comes in being in control of our routine, until of course that routine begins to control us. For many of us, that loss of control is so subtle that is goes unnoticed until the damage is done.

In Zechariah 7, God is warning His people of the danger of their routine, and questioning the motives of their heart. For seventy years, year after year they had held a fast in honor of Him. And although originally inspired by the gratitude and love in their hearts, slowly this sacrifice became a mere part of their routine. A habitual response that was losing it’s fervor with every passing year. There hearts were no longer in it. They were so accustomed to the habit of their worship, that somehow through the rigidness of their schedules, God had been cast aside and neglected.

How many of us can relate? How many of us can remember a time where the routine of our spirituality replaced our passion for the Lord? Our prayers became dull and ritualistic? Our worship reduced to words on a page? How many of us have exchanged that uninhibited joy that came with entering His presence, for a dull and dry sense of accomplishing “that task”. Another line crossed through our mental list of things to do. How many of us would confess that through our constrained routine of spirituality, we were no longer free to really be with Him? We were worshiping our routine, rather than our Lord.

Today may we be challenged to step back from our lens of routine and take a new look at our faith. May we take a good look at our lives and confess the complacency that has taken root in the dull soil of our rituals. May we get desperately on our knees and beg for God to restore to us the passion that we once had. May we be begin to wake up daily, taking the false perception of control that we so eagerly cling to, and hand it over to Him. And in turn, may He ignite in us a passion for Him far beyond the walls of our routine faith. May He fill us with a radical love that penetrates into every part of our lives. And may He shatter the comfortable bubble that we have built around ourselves, inviting us into His unpredictable presence.

Lord, forgive us for our routine faith; a faith that has so many times become about habit rather than about You. Take back your rightful place in our lives, so that we can once again live in nothing less than awe.