The only way to Love better...

 [August 2006: Philadelphia, PA. Shortly after my arrival back from Egypt, and one month before we would be officially engaged!]

June 9th, 2006

Exactly one year before John and I were to be married. 

But believe it not, though we felt the closest we'd ever felt to one another emotionally, geographically- we were thousands of miles away.

Instead of spending my summer with my boyfriend...I was on a mission trip in Egypt that summer; following through with a commitment I had made to Jesus long before we had ever met.  A commitment to love God more, to serve the poor and needy, and to do my earthly best to be the hands and feet of Jesus.  John was taking a course, studying 18 hours a day intensively for what he thought may be his only chance at entering med school and fulfilling God's calling on his life to become a doctor.  His one chance at literally being able to make "the blind see".    

There is no doubt about it, June 9th, 2006 found us both in a really good place.  A place of obedience.  A place of focus.  A place of faith.   

A place where more than ever before our hearts were hidden in the heart of Jesus.  Reading through my journals today was such an incredible reminder to me of the reason why John and I are so in love:

Our love has always been founded in Something Greater than ourselves. 

That day I wrote:

"God is stretching is both...reminding us that we are working primarily for our union with Adonai...all else will follow, and must only follow...

Lord, Thy will be done."

It's easy to forget the glue that binds us together.  In fact, looking back at the times we have struggled most in our marriage the root of the problem always leads to our forgetfulness.  

Forgetfulness- forgetting that God is the Source.  That from Him, by Him, and to Him come all things.  Forgetfulness that in Him do all things hold together. 

When we forget...when we wander...we become self-absorbed...we become self-focused...we stray from the source of True Love, and our marriage is so subtly pulled apart.

I'm reminded of this truth today, because with the hustle and bustle of life I feel that I am personally starting to go down the path of forgetfulness.  These days, I have not acknowledged the Love of my Life and given Him his rightful place in my heart.  I have failed to run to Him to fill me up with more love, more grace, and more forgiveness.  I've been distracted by the things He has "called me to" and failed to remember that more than all of these things:

I am called to Him.

This is where it all began.  This is where it all must remain. 

My life has never been more satisfying, through singleness, through dating, or through marriage- as when I find that I am most satisfied in Him, most intimate with the Lord of my life.  To be in God's presence is to be forced into the overflow of all that is good...and in turn, be able to emit those very good things to the world around us. 

Maybe I have been trying to do too much by myself.  Maybe I have been trying to love on my own...

It's time to remember what holds all things together.  It's time to recall what binds my heart, mind, and heart in steadfastness.  It's time to remember my FIRST love...because therein lies the only answer to be able love at all.

"When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now. In so far as I learn to love my earthly dearest at the expense of God and instead of God, I shall be moving towards the state in which I shall not love my earthly dearest t all. When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed bu increased."--C.S. Lewis

What's the Point of Unused Freedom?: On Egypt, Freedom, and God's Grace

Matthew 5:11
God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers.

Many of you have heard about the tragic events and injustice that has recently happened in the country of Egypt, a country very close to my heart.  October 10th brought devastation to Christian Egyptians as they were attacked during a peaceful protest, in defense of a church that was recklessly burned down prior to this protest.

Though injustice like this occurs every day around the world, and Christian persecution is a common part of many cultures- this tragedy rings even closer to my heart because in the back of my mind I always remember that this could have been me. 

I'm thankful that God willed for my parents to immigrate to the States long before I was conceived.  I had the privilege to be born into freedom and religious rights never imagined by my parents and grandparents.

When I hear about this tragedy, I'm reminded of the freedom that I fail to take advantage of...a freedom that get's taken for granted nearly every day.  My purpose is not to write a post about my American blessings...because though I am blessed to live in a country that offers freedom- I owe every bit of that to the grace of God.

My purpose, though, is deeper than merely giving thanks for freedom.  Because at the end of the day, what is freedom if it is not used?  Why would a chained prisoner rejoice just because he has the key to his chains- if he doesn't have the strength to throw off those chains and be free?

Sometimes I feel like that prisoner.  Given all the freedom I could ever need...and no motivation to use it.

My prayers are weak.  My worship is lacking.  My intimacy with God is limited...not by persecution (that would be an honor), but by the chains of laziness, busyness, and arrogance. 

I forget how much I need Him, and I forget how much He wants me.

It's sad that it takes the death of brothers and sisters in Christ to remind me to take hold of the freedom that I have to worship.  May it never be so again.  

God Lives in Egypt: A promise of love to the Egyptians...

I have a tendency to be a self-centered Christian, believing that God resides wherever I am.  I have a tendency to limit His presence to areas of the world that resemble peace, liberty, and justice for all. 

But today I was reminded of my great error.  God is not limited by human behaviors.  He is not limited by laws.  He is not bound to certain lands.  His love reaches through all boundaries and barriers.  His presence permeates every part of our world.  Today, I was reminded that He is Omnipresent...He lives in my heart, in my home, in my country...but He also lives in Egypt.

It's hard to imagine God's presence with the chaos that is going on right now in that beloved country of mine.  But today I had a picture of Jesus walking through the streets of Egypt, tears in His eyes.  He was looking at His people in love, whispering to them through the noise that He has a special place in his heart that is just for them. 

Isaiah 19 is a prophetic reminder that God has special plans for this country, and that in the end- after the pain, the chaos, the hurt and the fear...they WILL invite Him in, and He will make His home there:

"The Egyptians will lose heart,
   and I will bring their plans to nothing;
they will consult the idols and the spirits of the dead,
   the mediums and the spiritists.
⁴ I will hand the Egyptians over
   to the power of a cruel master,
and a fierce king will rule over them,”
   declares the Lord, the LORD Almighty.....

When they cry out to the LORD because of their oppressors, he will send them a savior and defender, and he will rescue them. ²¹ So the LORD will make himself known to the Egyptians, and in that day they will acknowledge the LORD. They will worship with sacrifices and grain offerings; they will make vows to the LORD and keep them. ²² The LORD will strike Egypt with a plague; he will strike them and heal them. They will turn to the LORD, and he will respond to their pleas and heal them.

²⁴ In that day Israel will be the third, along with Egypt and Assyria, a blessing^[b] on the earth. ²⁵ The LORD Almighty will bless them, saying, “Blessed be Egypt my people, Assyria my handiwork, and Israel my inheritance.”

In the end, there is always a plan.

Blessed be Egypt, His people.