Why It's So Hard to Love Yourself- and How to Start:

Mark 12:31
Love your neighbor as you love yourself.

I tweeted a message asking "Why do you think God asks us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves?"

One young woman tweeted back saying:
"I hope He calls us to love our neighbor as HE loves us...b/c sometimes,  I don't love myself very much".

Her answer to my question made me stop and think.  From what I've seen and experienced, this young woman is not alone in her struggles.  Hundreds of people that I have met, counseled, or befriended- all struggling with the same thing.   

Why is it so hard to love yourself?

I heard a talk the other day about self-worth.  The speaker was saying that it's almost as though we are born into a world in which we are constantly getting labels slapped onto us by others.  Our parents, our friends, our family, and people that we don't even know.  Each person from the outside looking in coming up with their label to put on us.  Some are kind, some are true...but so many of them are lies.  Negativity.  Hurt. Judgment. Misunderstanding.  Labels, slapped onto us without our permission.  And sometimes, we carry them so long that we believe what they say.    Sometimes, we allow them to define us.

I think sometimes it is so hard to love ourselves...because we have believed what the labels have been telling us.   

The truth is, God came to rip off all the labels that have been placed upon us, and start teaching us the truth about who we are- who He has made us to be.

When we acknowledge His love for us, we get the opportunity to take off all the labels and start from scratch.  If you back up one verse, Mark 12:30 is an essential starting point to learning how to love ourselves.  In it, God calls us to love Him fiercely, with all that we are:

'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'

When we are in focused relationship with God, loving Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength- every part of us is open to learning and experiencing His view of us.  We are exposed to His way of thinking and feeling and His definitions of us begins to sink in.  His labels begin to take priority.  We become surrounded by His love for us, and it begins to permeate into our hearts as well.  And eventually, surrounded by such a relentless love- it begins to rub off.  We slowly learn that He thinks we are worth it.  We slowly believe that maybe we are worth it.  We finally begin to love ourselves...because He has first loved us.

And then finally, when we have really learned to love ourselves, we are opened up to the true meaning of loving others.

Love must always start with us.  Because in order to give out love, we must first possess it. 

I'm thankful for a God who pours His love on me, teaching me to love myself as He loves me, so that I am ultimately freed to love others.

It's time to rip off all the labels.  It's time to be freed to really love.  

  

Selflessness, Interviews, and Naked Taxi Cab Drivers

Matthew 5:40
If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too.

A couple of years ago I had joined my husband on residency interviews as he was looking for a place to land a job after graduating from school.  Usually the interview process is really intense, full of questions, conversations, and a whole lot of professionalism.  The dress code is top notch, suits and ties are a must- and even ties of a certain color.  You never want to stick out too much, or blend in too much.  


But through that entire process, I heard a story that changed my life.  A story that I will never forget as long as I live.  

At one of the interview dinners, we met a young man who had just completed his 2nd year of residency.  He was grateful for the opportunity to be at the hospital that he was currently working at.  And he told the story of the person who made it happen.

A couple years ago as he made his way down the interview trail, there was a snow storm that delayed his flight into Baltimore.  Due to that delay, he had to switch flights at the last minute in order to make it to his interview the following morning.  Fortunately, he did land.  Unfortunately, he landed at 2 in the morning...only to find that his entire luggage had been lost- tie, suit, shoes, and all.  


On his way to the hotel he was making some frantic phone calls in the taxi, trying to make contact with friends and family to think of a way he could avoid showing up at this interview in a sweat suite (a sweaty one, at that!). 


He reached his hotel to no avail, discouraged, tired, and feeling quite helpless.  As he got out of the cab, the taxi driver got out with him, and began to undress!  You can imagine the reaction of this student- unsure to what was going on.  


"I want you to have my suit", he said, having overheard his conversation from the driver's seat.  


And he proceeded to strip down to his boxers, giving the young man his shirt, suit, tie...and even his shoes.  


The young man was humbled, embarrassed, and amazed at the generosity of this complete stranger.  He gratefully took the suit, with tears in his eyes, and hugged the taxi driver goodbye.  

Just hearing that story changed my life.  

I was so challenged to really consider what message I am sending with the way I live my life.  We as Christians talk about being thankful and grateful during this Thanksgiving and Holiday season.  Thank you Lord for what you have given me, thank you Lord for all of your blessings...while clinging on tight to our belongings and being selfish and self-absorbed.  Turning an eye to the poor and needy, and living in our little bubbles of blessing.  What is the point of thanks-giving if we hoard our blessings to ourselves?

I was so challenged by the heart of this taxi cab driver- who was so willing to go above and beyond to meet an immediate need...though it was the need of a complete stranger.  This was the heart of the taxi-cab driver, what then should be the heart of a Christian, of a follower of Christ?

Does my life reflect that kind of heart?   This is my challenge this holiday season...to step out of my bubble of blessing and actually do something with what I have been given.  To hold it with an open hand, and to live with an open heart.  May you be challenged to do the same. 

Take THAT Black Friday:

Matthew 6:19-20
¹⁹ “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 

²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Let me be honest: my heart was SO divided today.  Like Matthew 6 reminds us: where your treasure, there your heart will be also.  Black Friday is always one of those days that really tests the state of my heart.  There is just something about the idea of hordes of people shopping for incredible bargains that really gets me going! 

I don't think there is anything innately wrong about Black Friday, shopping, or finding great deals.  But this morning I noticed a really strange struggle inside of my heart as I was looking at the ads and watching the commercials.  On one hand, I am trying my best to simplify my life and focus my priorities on things that really matter.  I really want my life to reflect what's really important to me.  I want the treasures of doing God's work, giving to those in need, and being united with Christ to be the things that drive my adrenaline and give me joy.  


But on the other hand...that iphone would totally beat using this old cell....And that is a really cute sweater. 


You know what I mean?  It's a constant battle to consider what I really want, and what I actually need.  And man, there are soooooo many things that I really want.  It's a battle to continually remember to keep my eyes on heavenly things rather than on this world, to invest in the the kingdom of God and people who are hungry, poor, and alone...rather than my wardrobe.  It's a battle that I fail time and time again, but one that I'm not willing to give up on.  Because the few times I do win...it feels overwhelmingly right.  It's what I was created to do.  It's the treasure I was made to possess. 


It feels so good to invest in the right things.  I want to be a person who does more of that.  I want to be a person who's checkbook clearly reflects the state of my heart and the truth to where my treasure lay. 

Take that, Black Friday.  

What Does your Dash Count For?

Luke 13:6-8

 ⁶ Then he told this parable: “A man had a fig tree growing in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it but did not find any. ⁷ So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, ‘For three years now I’ve been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven’t found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?’
   ⁸ “‘Sir,’ the man replied, ‘leave it alone for one more year, and I’ll dig around it and fertilize it. ⁹ If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.’”

I listened to a sermon online this morning, by a dear friend and Pastor of my former church in Peoria, Illinois.  Pastor King was preaching about this parable in Luke 13- about the fig tree that bore no fruit.

Christians have a tendency to see their faith as "fire insurance".  What I mean by that, is that so many believers are living their lives grounded in the truth that they are "saved" from the wrath of Hell because they have prayed a prayer and asked Jesus into their heart.  But the truth of the matter is, this is only half of the gospel. 

We are truly saved by God's grace, and we are saved by His grace each and every single day.  But this salvation is only the first step.  There has got to be a response on our part to this grace that has been poured out on us, to this God that has exchanged His life for ours.

Pastor King noted a story about a pastor who was performing a funeral.  This pastor noted that on each and every tombstone stands two dates with a dash in the middle.  The date of birth, dash, the date of death.  It's amazing how our whole lives get summed up on one tiny dash on a stone slab, isn't it?

But you see, the dash still counts.  The pastor went on to ask the congregation: what does your dash count for?


What a sobering question, isn't it?  We spend so much time breathing...but so little time really living.  Our God desires more from us than the yes or no question of entering into a relationship with Him.  He asks for our lives.  Every second, every hour, every day.  He asks for our devotion, our obedience, and our service.  He asks for us to be consumed, in every fiber of our being, with Him.


The passage in yesterday's reflection reminded us that if we truly remain in Him, we will bear much fruit.  But too many of us are like the fig tree in Luke 13: bearing no fruit day after day, year after year.  Having no resemblance to who we were intended to be.  Living a life centered around ourselves rather than grounded in Christ. 


The parable above takes a sobering turn as the vineyard tender went to the his master and asked for the fruitless tree to be cut down and gotten rid of!  But the gracious master....said no.  Not yet.  Let me work on it first.  Let me tend to this tree.  Let me help it grow.  Give it more time.


Our God is patient.  Our God is loving.  Our God cares more about our success and fulfillment than we even care about ourselves.  And He continues to work on us.  He chooses to give us a second, third, and forth chance.  Rather than give us justice in what we deserve, He gives us mercy and offers us hope. 


Hope for transformation.
Hope for change.
Hope for restoration. 
Hope for a better life...


I don't know about you, but that is the kind of Love that motivates me to give my all.  That is the kind of love that gets me off of my seat and ready to do whatever God asks of me.  That is the kind of love that brings me to my knees in humble obedience.  That is the kind of love that enters into my heart and begins to run over...into the lives of others- as beautiful fruit. 

God is gracious...but may we never take advantage of such grace.  Christians, may we allow His kindness to lead us to repentance for the way we have lived our lives. May we acknowledge that we have led fruitless seasons in our lives, seasons in which we bore the weeds of selfishness, conceit, and apathy rather than the fruits of love, kindness, and faithfulness.  May we choose to live in such a way that bears His fruit and allows the "Dash" of our lives to reflect Jesus when it is all said and done. 

Thank you God for your grace.  May we never take advantage of your patience.  Help us to respond in a way that reflects your Love in our lives.  Help us to bear much fruit.  

To hear Pastor Kings entire message on Luke 13 (I recommend it!): Click here. 

Lent and Leviticus: Identifying with Christ

Leviticus 1:4
He is to lay his hand on the head of the burnt offering, and it will be accepted on his behalf to make atonement for him. 

I’m on a journey of reading through the bible.  Genesis is full of incredible stories, Exodus is the start of an amazing journey…and then you get to Leviticus.  If you’ve read through the bible you know how hard it is to keep your commitment once you enter into the book of Leviticus. 

It’s a book of do’s and don’ts.  Sacrificial regulations, camp rules, and policies pertaining to a new way of life.  It’s easy to get lost in the history and skim through the details.  But every now and then when I take the time to really dig deep, I am always amazed.  Even with these seemingly meaningless rituals, God instills divine purpose. 

I found one of those profound truths as I was reading the regulations for the burnt offering.  The purpose of the burnt offering was to make atonement for sin and be granted God’s acceptance.  There was a very specific way in which it was to be done.  One thing that really hit home to me was the requirement of the giver to lay hands on the head of the animal before the sacrifice took place.

At first glance, I thought that was a strange rule, but it didn’t really mean much to me until I realized the profound reality of what was taking place.  In the laying on of the hands, the giver was identifying with the one being given.  He was bringing himself to the level of the sacrifice, looking it in the eyes, and appreciating the gift of life that was about to be given for the sake of his atonement.

And then I realized that sadly, we have come a long way from that.  Don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful that we no longer have to make atonement for our sins in such a laborious way, but in the simplicity of the grace we have been given, something has been lost.  In the ultimate and complete sacrifice of Christ, we are no longer daily charged to identify with the one who gave His perfect life for us.  In the removing our hands from that precious head, we have lost our appreciation for the life that was given for us. 

I am so grateful for the gift of Christ, but I am also ashamed that I hardly take the time to identify with the life that was so freely given for me.  I don’t believe that this post coincidentally comes the week of Ash Wednesday.  For many believers, the next 40 days usher us into a sacred season.  A season of gratitude, a season of identification with the one who gave His all for us.  For many people, it is a time of giving up something in an attempt to identify with the one who gave His entirety on our behalf. 

This season of Lent, may we symbolically lay our hands on the head of the one who sacrificed and suffered so much on our behalf.  May we take the time to draw near to His side, look into His eyes, and shed tears of love and appreciation for the sacrifice He so willingly gave.

How are you identifying with your Sacrifice this season?

Sacrifice & Steak N' Shake: Giving Until It Hurts

Ephesians 5:1-2 
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

One of my favorite people is a 16 year old girl I met almost 3 years ago named Neisha.  I met her one morning at the Saturday ministry I do.  Neisha lives in a rough neighborhood, to say the least, and her life has been far from easy. 

She got pregnant at age 12 and birthed her beautiful baby girl when she was only 13.  When I first met Neisha, I must admit I was a little put off by her abrasiveness.  She’s a little rough around the edges, hardened you could say, and to be honest- rightly so.  For her, life has proven itself to be unpredictable, and people- untrustworthy. 

But so began our unlikely friendship.  At first I would see her on Saturdays…and then our time together began to expand into the week- week night ice cream trips, dinner and a walk in the park, local carnivals and fairs with her and her daughter.  We spent more time together, and my love for her began to grow in an unexpected way.

A few months ago, I was visiting Neisha and I asked her to recall one of the happiest times in her life.  I always ask her questions about her life because frankly, I like to ask questions. 

She paused for a moment and then looked at me in all seriousness and said, “That day you took me and my baby out to Steak and Shake.  I was really happy that day.”

It took me a moment to grasp what she was actually saying.  It took me a moment…and then I was dumbfounded.  I was speechless.  I was amazed, honored, and saddened all at once. 

I realized that for this beautiful 16 year old girl, happy moments were few and far between.  In fact, there was very little in her life for which to be happy.  Neglect, abuse, violence, prejudice and hate were the norm. 

I realized in that moment that all it took to bring a joyful moment into her life was spending $10 bucks at a burger joint on a lazy Tuesday evening. 

God really shook me up with that answer…because in all honesty, there is so much more that I can be doing.  Imagine if I invested more of my time, of my love, of my life?  Imagine if I actually began to SACRIFICE for love, rather than just a few convenient evenings or Saturday mornings?  Imagine what would happen if I chose to give even more, to give until it actually cost me something?

Our Lord came to this earth for nothing but love.  He came, and He gave everything. He held nothing back.  He gave until it hurt.  He gave sacrificially.  There was nothing convenient about it.  There was nothing in His sacrifice that even considered himself for a moment.  It was pure love.  It was sacrificial love. 

I’m challenged…to live in such a way.  I am challenged to give of my love in a sacrificial way.  In a way that goes far above and beyond the level of “convenience” and into the level of sacrificial.  For me, that requires quite a leap of faith.  Faith that when I do give in that way- God will take care of the rest.

It’s easy to be a Christian that simply gives.  We can give some of our time and our money and pat ourselves on the back for it if we want.  It would make us feel better wouldn’t it?  But it’s not enough.  It’s not enough to give when it costs us very little. We must be a people who live as imitators of God…living a sacrificial life of love. 

So the question is, what's it costing you?