When Good People are Stuck in Bad Relationships:

1 Corinthians 15:33
Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”

As a therapist, I've been hearing about a lot of bad relationships lately.  Christian friends, family members, and even clients opening up and sharing about their struggles, weaknesses, and straight-up dysfunction in the area of boy + girl.

To say I'm surprised by these things would be an overstatement, because I'm really not.  Turn on any TV station and you'll tune into some divorce, break up, or relationship tragedy that's occurring in the world around us.  Listen in on any gossip at the office and you'll hear about heart-break, lying, cheating, and manipulation.  Sometimes, relationships can be really toxic.  But what's more surprising to me is not the occurrence of these relationships- but how little Christians talk about them.  

Toxic relationships exist all over the world, and guess what, they exist in Christian relationships as well.  Christian people are flawed, sinful, and broken human beings just as much as the other guys.  Take that combination into any relationship and you're bound to find a toxic concoction at somewhere at some point.  So what is keeping us from bringing it to the light?  Why are we so silent?

Scripture says that whatever is in darkness will be healed as it comes into the light.  It's time to break the silence about dysfunctional relationships by starting to have these conversations, by starting to be real.  Christian, it's time to take inventory of the relationship you are in- whether dating or married- and ask yourself if it's good, honoring, and uplifting.  We are called to be actively engaged in relationships in which we are giving and exchanging that kind of hope to one another.  In which we are spreading God's love like it's a contagious disease.  But toxic relationships look nothing like that.  

They rob you of your joy, take away your hope, and cause you to believe that's all your worth.  

You might be in a toxic relationship if you commonly feel the sting of manipulation, jealousy, envy and rage.  God calls us into relationships that are full of patience and love. 

Maybe you're feeling controlled- unable to say what you want, do what you want, or believe what you want. God's love brings us into hope and freedom.  

Maybe the toxicity of addictions, drugs and alcohol are seeping into your relationship and in turn are destroying your life.  God wants to help break away from these chains and give you the power to live freely. 
 
What if you keep getting led into dark places- places of lust and seduction that leave you feeling guilt and shame.  God wants to shine His light upon your life, and forgive you in the best way He knows how- completely.  

Maybe you're being beat down verbally- ripped of your dignity and self-worth.  God wants you to know that you are His beloved- worth far more than precious rubies and more valuable than the finest of pearls. 

You may be feeling the sting of abuse- the infliction of physical pain that breaks your spirit even more than it breaks your body.  God has felt the sting of physical abuse in order to free you from your own...His stripes and wounds are a sign that you deserve to forever be free of yours.** 

If you're married, seek pastoral and professional help immediately...begin the restoration process even if that means doing it alone.   

If you're dating, it's time to believe that you were made for so much more than this.  It's time to break free and allow God to bring you healing and restore your hope-  How to Get out of a Toxic Relationship.

It's time to get real, to get honest, and to get help**. It's time to stop waiting for the change, and begin making the change yourself.  It's time to step out of the grip of the past, and into something new.  It's time to acknowledge these dark places and bring them into the light of His healing.  

**For more assistance in breaking free of toxic relationships, go to www.aacc.net (American Association of Christian Counselors) to find some professional help in your area. 

Fake Faith: The myth of "Waiting" on God

Luke 11:9
And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 

I recently met a young man who was waiting on God.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting. 

His life had been headed down a dangerous path, and he was waiting for God to rescue him.  He had done nothing to get himself to a better place.  He was just waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.

I admire people of faith.  I think it's important to really believe; to live as if what you are believing is  already truth.  To trust God completely, fully, recklessly.

The problem comes when people exchange the guise of "faith" for the role of passivity.  

Lack of action. 

Zero responsibility. 

The problem comes when people expect God to live for them, rather than to work through them.  

I heard a joke once about a man who was drowning, but he had faith that God would rescue him.  

A jet ski came by, but he declined saying "No thanks, God will rescue me!"
A rescue boat came by, but again, he declined saying "No thanks, God will rescue me!"
A helicopter came by, but a third time, he declined saying "No thanks, God will rescue me!"

And finally, he drowned.  When he awoke to heaven he approached God and asked him, "But Lord, you promised to save me".  To which God replied, "I tried...I sent a jet ski...and a rescue boat...and a helicopter..."

It might get you to crack a smile or even chuckle...but isn't there so much truth to this sometimes? 

How many times do we allow our false ideas of faith to keep us from the places God wants us to go?  "God will give me a sign...God will close the doors if it's not meant to be...God will bring him/her into my life...God will take away my feelings...God will help me out of this addiction..."

I know He can, but will he?  Is that the kind of God you serve?  Do we serve a God who acts on our behalf, or a God who gives us the strength and power to act on His?   

I don't know about you, but I see my relationship with God as much, much larger than just a puppeteer interacting with his puppet.  

God does ask us to trust Him with the things we cannot control...but he asks us to take action in the things that we can.  He asks us to know Him, to love Him, and to honor Him...and then to live confidently in return. 

We are called to take action, to make decisions, to live our lives, and to do what it takes to get ourselves where He wants us to be.  Our connection with God is a two-way street, and like it or not: WE have a role in this relationship.  We have a choice.  We have a will.  And with that will we can either say yes, or no.  We can stop, or we can go.  We can stay the same, or we can grow.  Live in the old...or awake to the new. 

It's important to trust God, to seek his wisdom, his power, and his strength.  It's important to give him our worries and our fears and to trust Him with tomorrow...but it's just as important to allow Him to work in us and through us today. 

Don't allow your fears, insecurities, and inadequacies to paralyze you  in the name of  false "faith".  Real faith lives a life of action.  Real faith is alive and active.  Real faith takes responsibility and moves forward.

I trust Jesus.  I trust Him with my tomorrow.  I have faith that my life is in His hands.  But you see that is the very faith that drives me to act.  To choose.  To live.  

To Ask, To Seek, To Knock...







 

   



  

The Victim Mentality: What My Toddler and I have in Common

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I learn many life lessons from my toddler.  The other day I was watching her play and during the process she decided to crawl underneath one of our dining room table chairs and hideout.  

She was under there for a few moments, and then all of a sudden began to realize that she didn't really like being there.  She tried to stand up, but the weight of the chair kept her from getting too far in her pursuits.  And then she looked at me with the saddest face and made a whine that said "Mommy, help me out of here!".

I didn't help her at first.  Trust me, I really wanted to, but more so, I wanted her to learn that she had crawled in there and she could easily crawl back out of there.  She had the strength to get herself out of the mess that she got herself in, it would just take some work.  I sat there on the sidelines and coached her through the process of working her way out of her mess.   

It's really funny that this situation happened when it did, because moments before I was talking to a friend about the concept of powerlessness and the "victim" mentality that so many of us possess at some point or another in our lives.  I see this in my own life at times. 

We feel powerless to certain people and their emotional toll on us, powerless to our situations at work, with our friends, with our family.  Powerless to stress, to emotional struggles, and even to sin.  I meet so many people who believe that life is just like the wind, you get blown wherever it decides to take you and you just have to learn to deal with it when you get there.  

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm not okay with that.  

I believe that yes, there are certain things that are out of our control.  I want it to be sunny tomorrow, but can't guarantee that it will be.  I want to freeze time when my daughter seems to be growing up too fast, but I guess I can't do that either.  

But you see, so much of our life's outcome lies within the power of our choices...choices in which Jesus gives us the strength to make wisely.  Choices that He guides us through.  Choices that he calls us toward, reminding us that He has given us what we need to make them happen.  

Like my toddler, begging for direction, Jesus is right beside us, gently coaching us along.  No matter our situations, we are only victims if we choose to be.  If we allow the weight of the world to crush us rather than take the necessary steps to get out from under it.  If we allow our own strength to try and lift our burdens, rather than rely on the Giver of Strength. 


Whatever your situation...don't give in to the victim mentality.  Choose to live freely.   

  

 

Now, Do You Really Want Power?

1 Kings 17:1
Now Elijah the Tishbite, from Tishbe^[a] in Gilead, said to Ahab, “As the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, whom I serve, there will be neither dew nor rain in the next few years except at my word.” 

 
Been reading a little bit through the book of Kings, specifically looking at the life of Elijah the prophet. 

For someone like me who has been raised hearing and studying about these historical biblical figures, it's easy to idolize their lives and their legacy.  It's easy to look at their power with wonder, awe and amazement, wishing that we had even a fraction of the faith that they had and their ability to live a life miracles. 

Elijah and God were so in tune with each other.  From predicting droughts, to calling down fire, Elijah had the incredible ability to perform miracles in a way that made the world around him stop and give glory to the God he served. 

And so we read about these incredible prophets throughout history, and we're inspired to live a life that really matters, a life that makes those around us stand in amazement and throw their hands up glorifying the God that we serve.  And we're so inspired that maybe we'll even pray for that kind of power...but, it never comes.  


No calling down fires.  No predicting the future.  No miraculous signs and wonders.  

Power never comes, because we are ultimately looking for the power without the pain.  We want to live in our safe Christian bubbles, we want everyone to like us, and we want blessing after blessing after blessing.  You see, safety is the greatest obstacle in receiving power.

Francis Chan illustrates this point in a video about taking risks...but at the end of the day, who of us really wants to take risks?

If we're honest with ourselves, it's so much easier to live a powerless life...and be loved, secure, safe, and happy.  To ask for the kind of power we see displayed in Scripture would be to ask for a lot more than power.  Faith, uncertainty, trust...and even pain.

I look at every effective prophet in Scripture and one thing I see they all have in common is their willingness to do whatever it took to bring the power of God into the world around us.  They endured the seeds of suffering, hardships, broken hearts, endless waiting, scorn, hatred, and shame to harvest the crop of power. 

So, let me ask you again, do you really want that kind of power in your life?  

May God give us the strength to trust Him enough in order to walk outside of our safe places, so that we too can bring even a fraction of His loving power to this broken and dying world.

Silent but deadly: The Danger of Mute Christians

Acts 1:8
"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

Last evening at our bible study we were discussing the phrase: "Preach the gospel; if necessary use words".  


Though I believe in the underlying message behind that phrase (i.e. As Christians, our actions alone should set us apart in how we live and love so much so that we don't even have to talk about it), I find myself revolting against the idea of being silent with my words. 

The truth of the matter is, when I look at my life and the lives of Christians around me- there is one very wrong thing that I see we all have in common most of the time:  silence.

We have grown accustomed to the idea of living our lives as mute believers. 

This wouldn't be a problem if we were actually preaching the gospel with our lives, but the sad reality is that most of the time- we aren't.  We aren't preaching anything.  We are living a life that is in  total conformity to the culture that we are a part of.  We belong so well that these days there is no difference between the nice guy in the other cubicle, and the born again Christian next door (except sometimes the nice guy is nicer than the born again Christian). 

I don't know about you, but I see that this life of silence is completely opposed to the lives I see lived out in the book of Acts through the early church.  Not only were they opposed to silence....they were LOUD.

They lived their lives out loud, proclaiming the their devotion to the God that had changed their entire existence, redeemed them from a life of sin and death, and given them joy unspeakable.  They couldn't stop talking about it.  It consumed their every conversation because it just boiled over from the love that was overflowing within their hearts. 

I think our main problem as Christians is that we are a little like the cowardly lion in the Wizard of Oz.  We are lacking a heart of love for the world that is in devastation all around us.  We are too concerned with what people will think and the negative consequences we might incur by really living our faith out loud.  In other words, our fear of man supersedes our fear of God.  Our fear of man is preventing us from actually loving them.  Ironically, we take on these priorities without even realizing that we are ultimately in devotion to this world, serving man, and worshiping a culture that we were never even meant to be a part of. 

If God has so radically changed our lives like we say He has, then something needs to change.  We need to live a life of power that's sole purpose is to preach the gospel and bring love to a broken and dying world.  It's time to take inventory of our silence and take the time to really address it at it's root. 

Speak up, Christian.  What are you afraid of?

Starving Millionaires: Ephesians 1 (Day 1)

Ephesians 1:18-21 (Click here to read All of Ephesians 1)
I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.


That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. 

I once heard a story of an old widow who struggled immensely in the last years of her life.  After her husband had passed, she lived her days always wanting but never having.  Because money was scarce, she chose to stay at home everyday in order to save her pennies.  She wore the same clothes and ate the same simple meals.  She was a lonely widow, left with nothing and nobody.

One day a concerned neighbor decided to help this widow by offering to clean her home.  As they cleaned, the neighbor came across an old tattered envelope with the old widow's name written across the top.  As they opened the envelope, inside was revealed the information regarding a multi-million dollar account that was in the old widow's name.  Her husband had left it for her 20 years earlier before he had passed.  All this time she had lived a life of starvation...yet all this time, she had riches at her fingertips.

I find this story suiting to start out this series, for two reasons.  First, the book of Ephesians alone is a large treasure found among the pages of God's word.  It's easy to be missed, but inside its pages is a priceless knowledge and wisdom to us as believers.  Secondly, the book of Ephesians is themed as a reminder to the church of the strength and treasures we have in Christ.  Treasures that may otherwise go unnoticed and unused.

The first chapter of Ephesians is written by the Apostle Paul from Rome as he is awaiting a final decision regarding his life.  He had been imprisoned and on house arrest for preaching God's word.  And even in his chains he never lost sight of the treasures he had in Christ Jesus.

This letter was a reminder to his dear friends in Ephesus that the only things they truly needed were already in their possession.  This letter was a cry for them to open up their eyes to the glorious riches that they had.

What's ironic about this is that Ephesus was known to be one of the richest cities in all the world.  Materially, it was an economic plethora of riches.  The people were not lacking physical riches...but through their material riches they had missed their inheritance of true riches, spiritual riches.


Strange...sounds much like you and I living in America today. 

Though the entire first chapter is dedicated to all the glorious gifts and riches we possess in Christ, my heart found itself taking refuge in verses 18-21.  The treasure of Christ's power.

POWER.  The average human being doesn't really associate with this word.  I, for one, tend to see myself as powerless in many aspects of my life.  There always seems to be situations, relationships, and circumstances that are many times out of my control.  But power is not defined as control.  Rather, power is defined as the ability to do something.  But my favorite definition of power is this: The source of energy used to operate a system.

The source of energy.  According to Ephesians, that source is within us.  The ability to "do something"...in fact, the ability to do anything is at our disposal because of the power of Christ living within us.  The same power that raised Christ from the dead is at work in our average, mundane, everyday lives.  Just think about that statement for one second.

Power to speak.  Power to affect lives.  Power to heal.  Power to be healed.  Power to live.  Power to change.  Power to bring change. Power to break free.  Power to thrive rather than to "just get through".  Power over our sin.  Power over our selfishness.  Power over our depression, our addictions, our worries and our pain. Power over our relationships, our circumstances, and our situations. 

We have an unlimited bank account of power, with limitless checks at our disposal...yet for some reason, we choose not to use this precious gift.  We choose to try and make it on our own.  We choose to live as millionaires...dying of starvation. 

May God save us from ourselves.  May God open our eyes as Paul prayed for the Ephesians, to see the power that we already possess...and to live in it.  

Grace and peace to all of you.


Incredible song By Hillsong United:
"The Same Power that Conquered the Grave Lives in Me": 

To learn more about the Ephesians 7 Day devotional tour click here.