When Good People are Stuck in Bad Relationships:

1 Corinthians 15:33
Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”

As a therapist, I've been hearing about a lot of bad relationships lately.  Christian friends, family members, and even clients opening up and sharing about their struggles, weaknesses, and straight-up dysfunction in the area of boy + girl.

To say I'm surprised by these things would be an overstatement, because I'm really not.  Turn on any TV station and you'll tune into some divorce, break up, or relationship tragedy that's occurring in the world around us.  Listen in on any gossip at the office and you'll hear about heart-break, lying, cheating, and manipulation.  Sometimes, relationships can be really toxic.  But what's more surprising to me is not the occurrence of these relationships- but how little Christians talk about them.  

Toxic relationships exist all over the world, and guess what, they exist in Christian relationships as well.  Christian people are flawed, sinful, and broken human beings just as much as the other guys.  Take that combination into any relationship and you're bound to find a toxic concoction at somewhere at some point.  So what is keeping us from bringing it to the light?  Why are we so silent?

Scripture says that whatever is in darkness will be healed as it comes into the light.  It's time to break the silence about dysfunctional relationships by starting to have these conversations, by starting to be real.  Christian, it's time to take inventory of the relationship you are in- whether dating or married- and ask yourself if it's good, honoring, and uplifting.  We are called to be actively engaged in relationships in which we are giving and exchanging that kind of hope to one another.  In which we are spreading God's love like it's a contagious disease.  But toxic relationships look nothing like that.  

They rob you of your joy, take away your hope, and cause you to believe that's all your worth.  

You might be in a toxic relationship if you commonly feel the sting of manipulation, jealousy, envy and rage.  God calls us into relationships that are full of patience and love. 

Maybe you're feeling controlled- unable to say what you want, do what you want, or believe what you want. God's love brings us into hope and freedom.  

Maybe the toxicity of addictions, drugs and alcohol are seeping into your relationship and in turn are destroying your life.  God wants to help break away from these chains and give you the power to live freely. 
 
What if you keep getting led into dark places- places of lust and seduction that leave you feeling guilt and shame.  God wants to shine His light upon your life, and forgive you in the best way He knows how- completely.  

Maybe you're being beat down verbally- ripped of your dignity and self-worth.  God wants you to know that you are His beloved- worth far more than precious rubies and more valuable than the finest of pearls. 

You may be feeling the sting of abuse- the infliction of physical pain that breaks your spirit even more than it breaks your body.  God has felt the sting of physical abuse in order to free you from your own...His stripes and wounds are a sign that you deserve to forever be free of yours.** 

If you're married, seek pastoral and professional help immediately...begin the restoration process even if that means doing it alone.   

If you're dating, it's time to believe that you were made for so much more than this.  It's time to break free and allow God to bring you healing and restore your hope-  How to Get out of a Toxic Relationship.

It's time to get real, to get honest, and to get help**. It's time to stop waiting for the change, and begin making the change yourself.  It's time to step out of the grip of the past, and into something new.  It's time to acknowledge these dark places and bring them into the light of His healing.  

**For more assistance in breaking free of toxic relationships, go to www.aacc.net (American Association of Christian Counselors) to find some professional help in your area. 

Christians: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly (Part I)

Matthew 5:14-16
  ¹⁴ “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  

¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

The word "Christian" has been slapped on so many things that it has lost it's true meaning.  It has been dissolved in the pool of men and woman that have labeled themselves by it's definition.  It's easy to get confused in the culture of modern day Christianity.  It's easy to be bombarded by the so many things "Christian" that Christ gets lost in the crowd. 

But then....then there are people that remind you of what it truly means to be a follower of Christ.  Then there are people who take the time to be transparent...pointing at Jesus through every aspect of their lives- the good, the bad, and even the ugly. 

Don't get me wrong- true Christ-followers aren't perfect...and they shouldn't claim to be.  But they are real.  They are faithful.  And they are consistent. 

I was reminded of what it meant to stand firm for Jesus this week watching one of my favorite TV shows: Survivor.  If you don't know anything about Survivor, it's one of the oldest in reality TV.  The idea is based on dropping a group of men and women in the middle of the jungles to fend for themselves for 39 days.  The person who makes it to the end, takes home the pride of being called the sole Survivor...and the bonus of one million dollars. 

Living in the wild for 39 days surrounded by a group of strangers is bound to take a toll on any and everyone.  The awful reality of the fallen human condition makes an appearance every season as the survivors interact with one another...lying, stealing, and cheating become the norm.  Tempers lash out, personalities clash, and emotions run wild.  It's humanity at its worst. 

But this season there is a young man that has totally impressed me with his life.  His name is Matt, and he is a self-proclaimed follower of Christ.  I tend to cringe when I hear people say that...I've seen so many people wear the name of Jesus, and then trample it through the mud.  But this guy is another story.


His faith is first and foremost in his life...and he proves that with his actions and his words.  He may be young, but there is a mature spirit of God upon His life, and everyone who comes into contact with him senses that.  He's respected for his strong faith...and by his kindness, he has been impacting the lives of the survivors around him with his faith in Jesus. 


Again and again you hear him talking about the reality that he has been put in this place for one purpose alone: to glorify his God.  


I know it's reality TV....but there is something genuine about this young guy.  There is something challenging about the way he lives his life.  For many of us, our life is the forefront...while our faith is the back drop.  We live our lives...and then sprinkle a little Christianity on top.  A little here, a little there..."just for the taste". 

But the reality is, this is not the way God meant for us to live.  We are born with a purpose- to be a light in the darkness.  That is a role that stands firm whether we are playing the game of Survivor, staying at home with our babies, or working 14 hour shifts at our jobs.  

It's a role that has to take the forefront of our lives in every thing we say and in everything we do.  Our lives must glow with the light of God...a light that is recognizable by everyone we come into contact with.  A light that speaks encouragement, hope, love, and faith to places that were once void and dark. 

Christian- Take inventory.  How bright has your light been shining?  How seriously have you taken this role?  How responsible have you been with the precious name that you carry...the precious name of Christ. 


May we be challenged to take seriously this calling that has been placed on our lives.  May we be challenged to live as light.