Dear Single: Don't Settle!

 

My husband and I were out for our Valentine's day date a couple weeks ago.  We were starving- and lucky for us we had planned to eat at our favorite Seafood Grille.  We got a sitter, got all dressed up, and headed over to our destination- ready to have a night to ourselves, enjoy each others company...and frankly, ready to pig out.

Upon arriving we got some unfortunate news- there was a 2 hour wait.  Two hours??  It was worth the wait, we both determined, and took a seat on the only open bench in the place.  An hour later,  we were getting desperately hungry.  We happened to notice the restaurant next door was seating guests instantly.  We looked at each other...both thinking about bailing out and hitting up the joint next door...but neither of us dared say it out loud.  30 minutes later...our growling stomachs could wait no more.  In our fancy clothes, we waltzed our way across the street and settled for the food we could see, touch, and taste here and now. Though our taste buds didn't get the thrill of their life- sometimes, it's perfectly alright to settle.

But there are also times when settling can bring major pain, disappointment, and long-term consequences. 

I get emails and questions almost everyday from young men and women who are thinking about settling.  Not for a restaurant, a job, or a car...but settling in a relationship.  Young men and women who are wondering if it's possible to meet their ideal mate, wondering if that ideal mate actually exists. 

Maybe they've waited and waited to find someone to spend the rest of their lives with- and they've determined to wait no more.  Or maybe they've invested so much time and energy into an "okay" relationship that they can't even imagine the prospect of starting all over again in search for the right relationship. 

So, is it okay to settle?

I struggled with that question for many years of my life.  I remember one particular day, sitting on my bed in my college dorm room, tears streaming down my face, with a crumpled piece of paper in my hand.  Almost 4 years before that day I had written a list of the things I would never settle for in a relationship. Here I was years later, looking down at my list- realizing that I was settling for the second year in a row, in a relationship that I knew in my heart was not what I truly desired.  I struggled to believe that God could really provide for all the things He had placed on my heart 4 years ago.  I struggled at the thought of starting all over again.  What if this is as good as it gets? 

I am so thankful that God gave me the wisdom and the courage to finally say no to the  relationship I found myself in, and moved me forward toward what was best for my life.  I had to get over the fears that had taken root in my heart- fear of failure, of confessing my mistakes, and of feeling once again alone.

But God used that time in my life as an opportunity to rely on Him, and trust Him with my future more than I ever thought imaginable.  He changed me and loved on me- reminding me that I was worth so much more than my relationship status.  Fast forward 10 years- now that I am married to the man of my dreams, I look back with regret that I spent so much time afraid to really trust God, wasting time in a relationship that was just "okay".  I wasted my time, and I wasted his- ultimately because I failed to trust God.  Ultimately, because I settled.

No matter where you are at on your journey of finding true love, remember this one thing: God is able to do more than you could ever ask or imagine in your life and in your relationships.  God created marriage to be seen as a blessing and a gift, not as an obligation...it is to be pursued with confidence, not with fear.  Because whatever you experience through dating, will be exponentially magnified through marriage.  If you are having doubts maybe it's time to take a look at your list and determine what you will never settle for.  Have a talk with God, and then make a list of the majors in your life that are most important to you.

Remember, there is a difference between majors and minors, read this post on Majors and Minors to know the difference.  But at the end of the day, seek to pursue a 10 out of 10 when it comes to the things that really matter.  It may sound obvious, but marriage is for a lifetime...so marry someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with. 

It's time to trust your gut, and trust your heart, but most importantly....trust your God. 

No matter what anyone says...Don't settle for anything less. 

3 Ways to Get Past Your Past...

Often in life, our greatest enemy isn’t a person, external obstacle or impossible situation—it’s our internal struggle with our past.


For Andrea, that was exactly the case. She was stuck in her past. Unable to get over the struggles of her youth, she kept looking back. Fixating on the neglect, reliving the abuse, analyzing the rejection. Twenty years later and she's still asking why, trying to make sense of it all. Yet by continually looking backward, she is losing sight of her present and future...

Read the rest of my article at Relevant Magazine!

Real Relationships: Waiting on God vs. Dating

"I've heard it said you should wait on God.  Should I "wait on God" to find me a spouse, or should I get out there and date?"


Psalm 27:14
Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.

So, what does it really mean to wait on God?  I received this question recently, and it made me stop and think.  Though I'm now married, I remember going through these exact thought processes during my single years.  But beyond that, I think I've found myself back and forth between the pendulum of waiting on God my entire life with pretty much every major decision I've had to make.

Finding a mate.
Searching for a college.
Pursuing a career.
Living in the right place.
Joining the right church.


I've always found it hard to know what it practically means to wait on God.  Do you just sit around and wait?  Twiddling your thumbs?  Praying 12 hours a day?  Memorizing Scripture, or better yet, looking for secret codes in bible verses?  I remember a season in my life in which I would open my bible to any random page, look through the words and hope I could find a secret message from God.  Hoping He would help me out a bit, give me some direction.  Waiting on God may include some of these things...but...

What does it really mean to wait on God?  How does that look in our day to day lives?

More than anything, waiting on God is a state of the heart.  It's an emotional place of peace, security, and trust.  It's an internal acknowledgement that He is in control, that He cares, and that His plans for my life are good...really, really, good.  It's living with an awareness of His goodness, and living with confidence, not afraid of the obstacles that might come our way.  When we wait, we acknowledge that there is a level of power that is beyond us.  More than we can do.  And we rest in the peace that He is filling in the details.

But waiting on God does not mean that we live passive lives...waiting for Him to magically bring that job, that spouse, that college or career to our doorstep.  It requires the ability to "do" in the here and now, with an emotional realization that our future has already been "done".  We need to pursue these thing we want, though we should never be consumed with these things.

So, in light of dating, what does that mean?  It means...get to know people!  But more importantly, get to know yourself.  Find out who you are and what you need in a significant other, and then take the time to interact with people who meet those standards.  Don't be afraid to invest in people- but remember- you will never lose or have regrets if you give only what they earn from you.  So give slowly.  Give wisely.  Give maturely.  Give with discretion.     

But most importantly, give your heart to the One who knows more about it than you do.  Let Him have your emotional world as you seek to discover your physical world.  Do your best...and He'll take care of all the rest. 


For more on this check out:  Fake Faith: The Myth of Waiting on God

 

What To Do With Your Pain:

Matthew 9:21
"She said to herself, "If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed."

I was reading this passage in Matthew 9 last night, and was struck by the faith of this woman.  I never thought about her condition before, but in other passages of scripture it describes her as a woman with a bleeding disorder, who had been bleeding for years upon years.  This was not a small thing.  I don't know why but I never before realized the struggle that this must have been for her.

I can only imagine the debilitation of such a disorder in the time where modern medicine and medical conveniences didn't exist.  Just getting out of her house must have been a feat, much less taking the time to find and follow this man who claimed to be able to heal and forgive.

She believed that she would find comfort in the presence of Jesus, and she did whatever it took to get close to Him.  It may have cost her embarrassment, humiliation, and shame- but she sought after it as though it were her final hope.  And ultimately, it was. 

That's faith. 

Faith that was recognized by Jesus. 

I can't say that I understand the struggles and difficulties that come with severe and chronic illness, but I do understand pain.  I may not have experienced physical pain like so many have, but I have definitely experienced emotional pain, relational pain, and sometimes even spiritual pain.

I was struck by the faith of this woman...because I know what it feels like to be in pain and need a healer.  But it's easy to want healing...and a whole other thing to seek it out.

I am challenged by her diligence, and her drive to find Jesus, to follow Him, and to touch Him.  I want that for my life.  You see, I believe He has the power to heal, to cleanse, to fill...but I fail to seek Him, to follow Him, and to touch Him in my life.

I want that kind of faith.  A faith that doesn't just believe...but one that acts on my beliefs.  

Maybe you too are dealing with some sort of pain in your life, in need of a healing touch.  Maybe your strength is gone, your body is weak, and your mind is confused.  Maybe you believe in a God who can heal, comfort, and transform...and take that pain.

Be diligent to find Him, to follow Him, and to touch Him.  Make time for Him in your day and invite Him into your pain.  Let your beliefs bring you close to the God who heals...and allow yourself to be made new in His presence. 

 

What Makes a Good Christian:

Isaiah 64:6 
All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags..

Two and a half weeks ago, my husband and I welcomed our son into the world.  He has been such a joy and a blessing in our lives, and he has taken up much of our time along with his blessings.  


As I was falling asleep last night I was thinking about how little time I have actually had to myself lately.  Having two children under the age of two can be taxing on the minutes in the day.  Not only so, but my alone time with God has been little to none throughout the day.  I haven't read my bible much at all throughout the past couple of weeks, and haven't set foot in church either.  My prayer time has been limited, and when I do pray...they are self-centered prayers asking the Lord for energy, strength and wisdom.  No prayers for the poor, no prayers for peace, and no prayers for others. 

For a moment as I contemplated these things, I felt a twinge of guilt.  I felt like a "bad Christian".  I have been given so much, and lately, I have been giving back so little.  

It's easy to fall into the guilt trap, isn't it?  It's easy to look at all that God has done for us and feel embarrassed, ashamed, and  disappointed at what we give back to Him.  

But today I was reminded of something that has really shifted my thinking and challenged my beliefs: 


You see, what makes a good Christian is not how much we give back to Him, but how good we are at receiving his grace.  


His grace, again, and again, and again...


This is ultimately what the Christian life comes down to....a person who understands that no matter where you are in life, what you are or aren't doing, and who you are or aren't, we are all in need of God's saving grace to cover our failures and our failings.  Each and every single day.  


There is no shame in this because in this is the definition of the gospel.  In this is the definition of God's love, pouring down on us even when we are unable...or at times unwilling...to pour it back on Him.  And that is why we love Him, because He first loved us.  


I'm learning to apply these truths in practical ways this week.  I'm learning to receive God's grace and forgiveness over and over again throughout my days.  I'm learning to accept His blessings and his limitless love without a hint of shame or guilt.

I hope you will, too.   

For Those Who Want to Marry Jesus: On Majors and Minors

Proverbs 18:22
He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.

I attended a church once whose motto was "major on the major, minor on the minors".  What they meant by that is that as far as their theological beliefs were concerned, they allowed themselves to take a stance on what was truly significant in the Christian Theology, and decided to allow the smaller theological opinions up to each individual.  No need to get bogged down by the small things.

In a sense, I view finding a relationship the same way.  Let me explain what I mean by that.

Many times, Christian young men and women have either two views in finding a relationship:
1. They are looking to marry the embodiment of Jesus Christ himself
2. They don't really believe they should set their standards "too high" and have unrealistic expectations- so they don't have any at all.


In my opinion, both views are absolutely detrimental.

I believe it's important for an individual to have standards in what they are looking for.  If you know yourself, you should know what you need....but I suppose there's an unspoken prerequisite to the previous statement- you need to actually know yourself.    The first step to really knowing what you need is knowing yourself. 

Learning about your personality, your flaws, your background, your weaknesses and strengths.  Solidifying your passions, your dreams, your goals and your purpose.  Knowing your faith, your belief system, your values and standards.

The things that are important to you need to stay important to you in looking for love- in other words, major on the majors.  Don't settle for anything less than a 10 out of 10. 


As far as the minors go on the other hand....cut yourself some slack.  Does your husband have to be 6 foot 4 with blonde curly hair?  Does your wife have to be an incredible cook and have a fantastic singing voice?  Do they have to listen to Cold Play and carry a pocket bible everywhere they go?  Honestly....for some, preferences are important, but if anything- learn to keep your options open.

The sad thing is, I see many young men and women who do just the opposite- they major on the minors, and minor on the majors- letting things slide in relationships, allowing compromising values and standards to slowly creep into their lives....things that could absolutely destroy a future marriage. 

So for those who are currently struggling in their relationships- tossing around questions of doubt- ask yourself this question: are you focusing on a major, or a minor?  If the answer is a major...it's time to throw your little fish back into the sea, having faith that God will send you the right one....in due time.

Fake Faith: The myth of "Waiting" on God

Luke 11:9
And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 

I recently met a young man who was waiting on God.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting. 

His life had been headed down a dangerous path, and he was waiting for God to rescue him.  He had done nothing to get himself to a better place.  He was just waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.

I admire people of faith.  I think it's important to really believe; to live as if what you are believing is  already truth.  To trust God completely, fully, recklessly.

The problem comes when people exchange the guise of "faith" for the role of passivity.  

Lack of action. 

Zero responsibility. 

The problem comes when people expect God to live for them, rather than to work through them.  

I heard a joke once about a man who was drowning, but he had faith that God would rescue him.  

A jet ski came by, but he declined saying "No thanks, God will rescue me!"
A rescue boat came by, but again, he declined saying "No thanks, God will rescue me!"
A helicopter came by, but a third time, he declined saying "No thanks, God will rescue me!"

And finally, he drowned.  When he awoke to heaven he approached God and asked him, "But Lord, you promised to save me".  To which God replied, "I tried...I sent a jet ski...and a rescue boat...and a helicopter..."

It might get you to crack a smile or even chuckle...but isn't there so much truth to this sometimes? 

How many times do we allow our false ideas of faith to keep us from the places God wants us to go?  "God will give me a sign...God will close the doors if it's not meant to be...God will bring him/her into my life...God will take away my feelings...God will help me out of this addiction..."

I know He can, but will he?  Is that the kind of God you serve?  Do we serve a God who acts on our behalf, or a God who gives us the strength and power to act on His?   

I don't know about you, but I see my relationship with God as much, much larger than just a puppeteer interacting with his puppet.  

God does ask us to trust Him with the things we cannot control...but he asks us to take action in the things that we can.  He asks us to know Him, to love Him, and to honor Him...and then to live confidently in return. 

We are called to take action, to make decisions, to live our lives, and to do what it takes to get ourselves where He wants us to be.  Our connection with God is a two-way street, and like it or not: WE have a role in this relationship.  We have a choice.  We have a will.  And with that will we can either say yes, or no.  We can stop, or we can go.  We can stay the same, or we can grow.  Live in the old...or awake to the new. 

It's important to trust God, to seek his wisdom, his power, and his strength.  It's important to give him our worries and our fears and to trust Him with tomorrow...but it's just as important to allow Him to work in us and through us today. 

Don't allow your fears, insecurities, and inadequacies to paralyze you  in the name of  false "faith".  Real faith lives a life of action.  Real faith is alive and active.  Real faith takes responsibility and moves forward.

I trust Jesus.  I trust Him with my tomorrow.  I have faith that my life is in His hands.  But you see that is the very faith that drives me to act.  To choose.  To live.  

To Ask, To Seek, To Knock...







 

   



  

I Just Don't Trust God...

Genesis 22
Then Abraham reached out his hand and took the knife to slaughter his son. But the angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, “Abraham, Abraham!” And he said, “Here am I.” He said, “Do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to him, for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me.” 

And Abraham lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, behind him was a ram, caught in a thicket by his horns. And Abraham went and took the ram and offered it up as a burnt offering instead of his son. 

So Abraham called the name of that place, “The Lord will provide”; as it is said to this day, “On the mount of the Lord it shall be provided."

It's soooooo stinkin' hard to trust God sometimes.  I mean, really, really, really, hard.  Oh, it's always easy to say that we do, but then to actually go about living our lives and acting in a way that reflects trust...that takes some serious...well....trust.
Like one of our friends said it in our get together last night, "I don't trust God, and sometimes, I just need to get real and tell Him that I don't."

I think that's so true.  Sometimes the only person we're fooling is ourselves.  Living a fake emotional connection that we're not truly living out.  Sometimes the only way to change is to just get down and dirty in honesty...to tell God how we really feel.  He can handle it. 

One story that I have never forgotten was about a little girl learning to trust.

She had a cheap little necklace that she had acquired, probably from a 25cent machine at some grocery store, but she was obsessed with it.  Every night her daddy would go into her room and ask her if she trusted him.  When she said "yes" (we all say yes, don't we...) he would ask her to give him her necklace.  "No daddy, I can't.  I love this necklace" she would say.  And every night the same exchange.  Her dad was loving, and patient with her...

Then one day, he came into her room and found her sitting in her bed waiting for him.  But this time, she was crying.  With tears in her eyes she opened her hand with her little necklace and said, "Daddy, I trust you.  You can have my necklace". 

Her daddy took her necklace in his hand, and in the other hand he handed her a box.  When she opened the box, to her utter surprise was another necklace...but this time, a genuine string of beautiful pearls.  And let me add, this necklace was worth WAY more than 25 cents.  He placed the necklace around her neck and reminded her of his love.  His unconditional, deep, overwhelming love.

A love that waits.  A love that holds on.  A love that never gives up...no matter what we do, or don't do.  A love that lets us choose to trust...but also allows us not to. 

It's funny to think about that story, now that I have a little girl of my own.  My daughter LOVES the cheap, plastic necklaces that she has.  She plays with them nonstop, takes them off and on all day, wears them everywhere we go, and even takes them in the bath.  And though they are an absolute strangulation hazard, she would even wear them to bed if we would let her.

She loves those cheap, plastic necklaces so much...because she doesn't know any better. 

For her, this is reality, these are as good as it gets.  As her parents, we love watching her joy...but we also long to show her that life has so much more than these little necklaces.  One day, she will have to trust us.

How childlike we can be, though.  Our vision is so small sometimes, that we think that this (whatever this is for you) is as good as it gets.  What we have is safe, is secure, is comfortable...we can't possibly give it over to God.  He might mess it up or give us something that e absolutely could never handle.

Our fears set in...because at the end of the day, we don't know any better, either. 

Jesus knows our child-like fears.  He is patient with us.  But every day He lovingly asks...Do You Trust Me? 

Maybe you, too, are holding onto something that you just can't think of letting go.  Maybe you are having a hard time trusting Him.  Maybe you're afraid that He will let you down...that He won't come through, that He'll change your plans.

Disappointment.  Anxiety.  Fears.  Unraveled plans.  Broken relationships.  Destructive habits.  Finances, future, or the pain of the past.  He holds out His hand.      

He still waits patiently.  He still knows best. He still has your best interest in mind.  

Will you trust Him to take this thing...in exchange for something far, far greater. 

 

Now, Do You Really Want Power?

1 Kings 17:1
Now Elijah the Tishbite, from Tishbe^[a] in Gilead, said to Ahab, “As the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, whom I serve, there will be neither dew nor rain in the next few years except at my word.” 

 
Been reading a little bit through the book of Kings, specifically looking at the life of Elijah the prophet. 

For someone like me who has been raised hearing and studying about these historical biblical figures, it's easy to idolize their lives and their legacy.  It's easy to look at their power with wonder, awe and amazement, wishing that we had even a fraction of the faith that they had and their ability to live a life miracles. 

Elijah and God were so in tune with each other.  From predicting droughts, to calling down fire, Elijah had the incredible ability to perform miracles in a way that made the world around him stop and give glory to the God he served. 

And so we read about these incredible prophets throughout history, and we're inspired to live a life that really matters, a life that makes those around us stand in amazement and throw their hands up glorifying the God that we serve.  And we're so inspired that maybe we'll even pray for that kind of power...but, it never comes.  


No calling down fires.  No predicting the future.  No miraculous signs and wonders.  

Power never comes, because we are ultimately looking for the power without the pain.  We want to live in our safe Christian bubbles, we want everyone to like us, and we want blessing after blessing after blessing.  You see, safety is the greatest obstacle in receiving power.

Francis Chan illustrates this point in a video about taking risks...but at the end of the day, who of us really wants to take risks?

If we're honest with ourselves, it's so much easier to live a powerless life...and be loved, secure, safe, and happy.  To ask for the kind of power we see displayed in Scripture would be to ask for a lot more than power.  Faith, uncertainty, trust...and even pain.

I look at every effective prophet in Scripture and one thing I see they all have in common is their willingness to do whatever it took to bring the power of God into the world around us.  They endured the seeds of suffering, hardships, broken hearts, endless waiting, scorn, hatred, and shame to harvest the crop of power. 

So, let me ask you again, do you really want that kind of power in your life?  

May God give us the strength to trust Him enough in order to walk outside of our safe places, so that we too can bring even a fraction of His loving power to this broken and dying world.

What Could Have Been:

2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

I've had the honor of meeting some really incredible men and women over the course of the past few weeks who have really reminded me why I am a follower of Christ.  

Men and women who's lives have been radically changed from darkness into light, from dysfunction into healing, from brokenness into new hope.


It never ceases to amaze me when I hear their stories.  The chains of addictions wrapped around their lives.  Addiction to drugs, sex, relationships.  Addiction to approval, alcohol, and material things.  Broken hearts, destitute spirits, and hopeless futures.  It's amazing to hear the incredible stories of how God took their hurts and their shame...and brought them into something new.

The old has gone, the new has come. 

It reminds me of the power of the love of God through Jesus.  It reminds me of the hope to which I cling.  It reminds me that there is some real power behind the Spirit that is living inside of my heart. 

But it also saddens me.  

I'm saddened because at times, I take my story so lightly.

Sometimes I forget what a privilege it is to be living in the "new".  I've been in relationship with Jesus for most of my adult life.  Having made that choice, and accepting that gift, I've been doing my best to live a life guided my God's Spirit at work in me.  Offering me hope, freedom, and joy ever since.

There is something incredible about that.  There is something incredible to think of who I am today and imagine what could have been if Jesus had not captured my heart. 


My story should cause me to celebrate every day at what should have been...but isn't. 

Thank you Jesus that you enter my present each and every single day, and that you rescue my future. 

The old has gone, the new has come.  May we never take that lightly. 

Those Are Some Very Nice Ashes:

Isaiah 61:3
To give them a crown in place of ashes, oil of joy in place of mourning, praise in place of discouragement... 

I found myself getting discouraged last week.  It was one of those weeks in which I felt overwhelmed by the suffering and sorrow around me.  Not sure if you know this, but people are hurting in some really serious ways.  Friends, family, and clients.  It was just one of those days.  I had just finished listening to stories of brokenness, pain, and sadness only to be ushered into more. 


Sometimes it seems as though all this life has to offer is pain.  The truth is, I almost gave into that discouragement. 

And then I saw God at work. 


I met a young man recently who is climbing out of some serious pain...into something beautiful.  I see God at work in His life, and I am watching Him take this pile of ashes- and turn them into something incredible. 

I witnessed an artist a few months ago, take some dirty ashes on a plain piece of paper- and within just a few moments, out of the ashes I could see the most incredible picture.  She painted the most beautiful painting I had ever seen.


I'm reminded of this painting as I witness the life of this young man.  I'm reminded of a God who takes the most horrific and twisted pile of ashes we have to offer- put them into his nail pierced hands, and begin to work.  It takes paint to create something nice, but it takes ashes to create something incredibly beautiful.  The real beauty lies in the artist's ability to create something out of nothing. 

It's true.  He can do that.  And he does it every day.  I need to remember that as I look into the pain of the people around me, and as I look into the sorrows from my own life.  For every person caught in a pit of ashes, there is the hope for something beautiful. 

Will you allow Him to begin his masterpiece?

Watermelons, Elephants, and Major Sins:

Hebrews 12:1
...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles...

I bought a watermelon about a month ago.  

It looked so good in the store on a hot summer day, and I imagined cutting a slice outta that thing after dinner and letting it's sweet juice run down my face.

I put it in the fridge to cool until after dinner.  But for some reason, after the dishes had been put away and the pots and pans had been washed- I was really not in the mood to clean up one more mess, so I passed on slicing up the sweet treat.  Maybe tomorrow.  Or the day after that.  Or...the day after that. 

Four weeks later I bite into a slice of watermelon at someone's house and it triggers a thought- didn't I buy one of these?

I go home to my fridge, and there before my eyes sits the watermelon.  Huge as ever (and spoiled by now, might I add).  But somehow, I had gotten SO used to seeing that gigantic watermelon multiple times every day that I actually stopped noticing it.  It became a normal part of the background, until I hardly even realized it was there.  


I was sharing this story today as I was talking to a client of mine about the danger of getting so comfortable in our sin that it no longer becomes visible to our spiritual eyes.  That is the reality of how we function as human beings. 

We are so resilient and pliable that we can bounce back and conform to almost any situation.  But as life saving as those traits can be...they can also be permanently devastating.  To the man who gets so comfortable with the lust that has become the only excitement in his life.  To the woman who gets so numb to her addictive behaviors that they become a normalized part of her every day.  To the teenager who gets so acquainted with getting high as the only way to deal with his unpleasant emotions.  To the girl that finds her home in the toxic relationships that have taken over her heart. 

For those who get so comfortable with seeing their sin every single day, that they learn to become experts at learning to ignore it. 

It's time to come face to face with the elephant in the room.  It's time to recognize the sin in our lives that has outstayed it's welcome.  It's time to fix our eyes on Jesus, the Perfecter of our faith, and begin to recognize and throw off each and every sin that has so easily entangled us. 

Before it's too late.  

Some Good Lookin' Grass:

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Rejoice always, ¹⁷ pray continually, ¹⁸ give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 

I'm on a roller coaster ride with contentment.  Looking back, it seems as though it's a topic that I write about every couple of months.  And the reality of this blog is that though my readers may find themselves getting something out of it- I don't write for them...I write for me. 

It's a place to hash through my struggles and my victories.  A place to give outlet to my thoughts and accountability to my spirituality.  Which means one thing about my frequency of visiting this topic: I wrestle with contentment a lot. 

I'm sure there are those of you out there who can relate.  The cliche, "The grass is always greener on the other side" probably wouldn't exist if this was not a universal struggle.

A couple weeks ago I found myself, once again, in the boxing ring with contentment.  Everyone's grass was looking pretty good right around then.  I found myself daydreaming about where I would rather be and what I would rather be doing. Imagining what it would be like to walk in their shoes.  And slowly but surely, the feelings of discontent and insecurity started sneaking in. 

My negative thoughts offered them a crack in which to seep through and start coating my life with discontent.

I once read a book about the topic of contentment.  One chapter included letters from 3 college friends who were keeping in touch 15 years after graduation.  One was a single, successful business woman.  The other, a stay at home mommy of 3, and the third going back to finish her education since her children were grown and in school. 

The series of letters were essentially a running list of complaints- each woman looking at the lives of her friends as "better than" her own.  The single woman wished she had a family to call her own.  The stay at home mommy wished she was out working, using her degree and making money.  And the third wished she would have already finished her education like her other two friends.  The letters went on and on but ultimately unveiled the discontent in each of their hearts.

The unfortunate thing about that chapter is the fact that, essentially, that becomes real life if we're not careful.  I don't want the letter of my life to be full of wishes and wants.  God has placed me where I am in this season of my life because I am CALLED to be here.  There is purpose traced through every single hour of every single day if I choose to look for it.

At times, that purpose is writing an article for a magazine, counseling clients, or speaking about important topics.  But at other times, that purpose is watching my daughter splatter applesauce all over her face while trying to feed herself, changing a dirty diaper, or loading the dishwasher. 

God's purpose for our lives is in everything, and it can never be calculated by what we are accomplishing on the outside, but on who we are becoming on the inside.  Watching God at work in our lives can never be boring.  Seeing him take our lifeless lump of clay lives and turn them into majestic and beautiful art is a process that unfolds each and everyday...if we will only notice.   

And as we watch this labor of love, and see God's will unfold in our lives, we will find ourselves rejoicing always...and giving thanks continually.  We will find that at the end of our day, this is the only way to find true contentment.   

Do I really believe this stuff?

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

My belief in this verse and my confidence in the God of these words was put to the test last week.  My husband and I drove out to visit a dear relative suffering from a terrible illness.  We went to help, we hoped to encourage.  But somehow when you choose to bless others, you are always humbled at the way that you yourself are blessed by them. 

In this situation, this was especially true.

I've always imagined the thought of losing a loved one to illness or death.  Whenever I hear of someone struggling physically, it always seems to darken my spirit.  Ironically, I'm a therapist who deals with some of the most emotionally painful situations a human being should never have to go through.  But at the end of the day, there is always hope in the emotional.  There is always a chance for healing, for those who want it.

Physical pain, on the other hand, seems to make me feel a little more helpless.  There is only so much that can be done.  Doctors are incredible, and God is the great Healer- but ultimately, our mortal bodies are slaves to this thing called the grave.  Our bodies are temporary.  And one day our spirits will find a new home.  An eternal home. 

As freeing as this thought is to the believer in Christ- it also carries a tremendous amount of sadness.  I struggle with the truth that our bodies are just bodies...and one day they will see their last breath.  That means my body, as well.  But even more difficult for me, is the though of one day losing those I love.  My parents.  My friends. My husband. 

Just thinking about this reality can strike a chord of panic in me.  Serious panic. 

But something about experiencing this specific situation of suffering second-hand really challenged me to ask myself:  Do I really believe this stuff?

It's easy to talk, but when difficult situations come a long the reality of our commitment to God is really tested.  Would my relationship come through it?  Would I be able to uphold my end of the bargain and love Him, trust Him, and believe in Him no matter what?

I've struggled with that thought for years.  I read the story of Job and think- seriously??  Who can have that kind of attitude in the face of utter despair?  I doesn't even seem realistic.  "Though he slay me, yet I will trust Him".  I hardly feel that and my life is nothing compared to the difficulties that others go through. 

But, I learned some serious lessons spending time with my family last weekend, specifically, with my cousin who I have come to love and respect greatly.  I watched her in the midst of the most horrific struggle she will ever undergo and I learned this profound lesson: God gives us just what we need...just when we need it.  Not a moment before, and not a moment after.   He has blessed her with a grace and a peace far beyond anything I have experienced in a long time.  He has given her a strength that caused me to step back and take inventory of my own faith.  He comes through with a peace that doesn't even make any sense. I've seen it with my cousin, and I've seen it numerous times in the lives of friends and loved ones. 

Don't get me wrong...there are moments of sheer pain.  There are times of sorrow, sin, and struggle.  But at the end of the day I am encouraged beyond belief to know that my God is going to meet me where I am at, just when I need Him to.  He did it for them, and He does it for countless others...and I know He will do it for me.  I can count on that. 

I don't have to muster up strength in preparation for the difficult times...what a terrible life that would be.  In the Exodus, God provided manna to feed the starving Israelites.  Every day he would provide for them just what they needed.  He even asked them to only take what they needed for that day, requiring them to trust Him again for tomorrow.

And so He will do the same for my starving heart when the need is there.  He will provide nourishment for my hungry spirit just as He promised he would.  I believe this.  And when I don't  feel it, I choose to believe it.  If He is God....He can be trusted.

A Familiar Enemy:

John 7:5
For even his own brothers did not believe in him. 

There is something to be said about the dangerous reality of this verse.   The truth is, Jesus' own brothers did not grasp the miracle of who He was.  They ate, slept, played and lived together day in and day out.  But eventually, the familiarity of who He was began to set in...and the glory of who He was never birthed in their lives.

I don't know about you, but that's a sobering reality in my life as well.  Sometimes the familiarity trumps the glory. 

It's easy to live my life and get used to the awe and wonder of who Jesus is.  It's easy to take for granted His presence each and every single day, getting so comfortable with that truth that I never take the time to truly soak it in, to truly experience Him.

For me and you, the most dangerous enemy of our passion is familiarity.  It's an enemy whose mission is clear: "Take nothing from your victim, cause him only to take everything for granted."  It's an enemy that sneaks up on us without making a noise, leaving no hint of it's approach.  Leaving no trace that it came, until it has permeated every part of our lives...leaving behind the symptoms of apathy, doubt, and disbelief.

May you never grow so accustomed to your faith that you allow the seeds of familiarity to take root in your heart.  May you learn to wake up every morning and recognize His mercies as new.   May you be refreshed and reacquainted with His glory this season of Lent.

One Year Ago Today: If He Is God...

Jeremiah 29:11
¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

As my husband and I were getting ready to go to bed last night, we realized the significance of the date: 1/13/11.  It's amazing how much can happen in one year.  One year ago, we would have never imagined where we would be today.

It was the night of January 13th, the night before "Match Day"- the day my husband would be placed in residency somewhere across the country. We had no idea where we would end up the following year....anywhere from North Carolina to Boston to Chicago. 

We decided to take a look back at my journal entry that night.  The anticipation was high as we awaited the unfolding of our future.  The call we were to receive the following morning was something we had been praying about for years.  Where would we end up, and what would our lives be like?  Where would God decide to take us, and would we be happy? 

The truth of the matter is, that night was really a stretching of our faith, learning to trust God in the future we could not see.  As Elisabeth Elliot so transparently said in one of her books: If He was God, He could be trusted.  

I was reading recently about the story of Joshua as he was transporting the ark of the covenant.   They reached what seemed like a dead end on their journey as they faced the Jordon river.  I love the instructions that God gives them next: "Tell the priests who carry the ark of the covenant: ‘When you reach the edge of the Jordan’s waters, go and stand in the river."

The journey of faith required them to act.  God could have just proved himself to them by parting the waters right before their eyes.  He could have, but he didn't.  Relationships require a certain level of genuine trust...trust in the unseen.

But the moment they trusted...God met them there:

¹⁵ Now the Jordan is at flood stage all during harvest. Yet as soon as the priests who carried the ark reached the Jordan and their feet touched the water’s edge, ¹⁶ the water from upstream stopped flowing. It piled up in a heap a great distance away, at a town called Adam in the vicinity of Zarethan, while the water flowing down to the Sea of the Arabah (that is, the Dead Sea) was completely cut off. So the people crossed over opposite Jericho.
Sometimes we have to get our feet wet and learn that true faith requires us to step out and believe.  

This story is so significant to me at this stage in my life, one year later, looking back at all that God has done.  He asked us to trust Him, to get our feet wet in this journey of life, and to believe that he would truly come through for us.  To believe that He is good.  To believe that He is God, and that He can be trusted. 

One year later we are settled into a new city, developing an incredible community of friends, surrounded by loving family, and enjoying our beautiful baby girl.  God has once again proven that He is faithful and that He is God.

Maybe you too, are waiting on God.  Maybe you have found yourself at what seems to be a dead end road, looking at the unlit path that lies ahead with anticipation and anxiety.  It's hard to trust in moments like this.  It's hard to trust when the future seems completely out of your control.  But on the other hand, it's moments like this where God allows us the opportunity to trust- because, frankly, it's the only thing we CAN do.  

Trust him with your future.  Trust that He cares.  Trust that if He truly is God....He can be trusted.  Take a step of faith, and then sit back and watch Him prove Himself to you. 

For Anyone Who Thinks They're a Saint (Cuz you probably aren't) Revisited

As some of you know, I've been too busy to blog these days while juggling being a first time mom.  So October has been a month of blog revisits...taking a second look at some favorite posts.  Enjoy!

Philippians 1:6
He who began a good work in you will carry it into completion…

I met Tanya last year during one of our visits down into the project housing one Saturday morning.  Tanya is a 17 year old African American girl.  She’s had a hard life.  Most likely, you wouldn’t even believe me if I told you some of the difficulties she’s been through. 

All that to say, there was something special about Tanya, something behind her loud-mouthed personality that rang with genuine passion.  Something behind her tough exterior that exuded with strength.  There was something, just something that drew me to her.  Tanya and I began a really unique friendship.  We started hanging out on a regular basis and little by little she began to entrust me with the pages of her life’s story; some pages sad, some exciting, and some that made me sick to my stomach just hearing about. 

One day last year, outside of her downtown neighborhood, in my car parked on the side of a one way road, Tanya decided that she needed something more.  Right there in my car, she and I prayed, and she gave her heart to Jesus, and her life to the will of God.  It was a beautiful moment, a moment I will never forget. 

I saw Tanya this weekend.  My husband and I took her out to lunch to catch up with her and spend some time with her.  We had talked over the phone, but I hadn’t seen her in over two months with the business of the holiday season. 

As we talked, she told us the stories of how she is changing her life around.  She’s making decisions to take school seriously, to quit the drug addictions that have been holding her back, to focus on restoring her self-esteem and body image, and frankly, to stay away from the friends that had once held her back.  She’s learning to control her anger and forgive.  She’s learning to love herself.

She told me once, “I never really knew how to care about myself til I met you and you showed me how to care…”

Please don’t get me wrong.  I’m not a saint.  And most likely, neither are you.  I’m realizing this more and more and that is the purpose of this post.  So many times we get fooled into thinking that only certain people have the “gifts” of reaching out…as though doing God's work has something to do with us.  I am here to remind you that that is a blatant lie.  I did nothing for this girl but lead her to true Love…and each and every one of us is called to that.  Because at the end of the day, ministry has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with God.  HE is the one that must work in hearts and lives. 

Beyond ALL our gifts and ALL our love, what I’m amazed by is the fact that in two months….I had absolutely nothing to do with this girl’s spiritual growth and maturation.  I wasn’t even aware that it was happening.  It was entirely, completely, 100% the work of God’s spirit in her life….God’s spirit, who entered her heart a few months ago one evening on the side of the road.  God’s spirit who comes with power, reminding us that He is the one who started this…and He is the one who will finish it.

He who began a good work will see it to completion.  Read that.  Get that.  Understand that.  You who may doubt the salvation of your loved one, you who may cry yourself to sleep for fear that your son, daughter, husband or wife will never know the love of Jesus, you whose faith is wavering because you are not seeing the kind of changes you wanted to see…He who began a good work will see it to completion. 

Let down your pride, and put down your human expectations.  You're not a saint.  This is not your work and it never was.  The only thing asked of you is obedience….the rest is entirely up to Him.  Let him do His job because, I guarantee, the end result will be far more glorious than we could have ever dreamed.

Faith Til Death Revisited:

[Some thoughts on faith: Still haven't really grasped the full meaning of these verses, but here are some of my initial thoughts.  Would love to hear your thoughts on what you take from them.]

Hebrews 11:39-40
These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised.  God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.  

My definition of faith has been put to the test this year.  The main contributor to this challenge has been the list of unknowns that are constantly looming.  It’s hard to have faith in the unknown, in the unseen.  But on the other hand, as I’ve been learning, faith can only truly exist when there are unknowns…when things are unseen.  “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” (vs. 1).  Once what is unseen becomes what can be seen, it no longer requires faith.  Once what is hoped for becomes what is actual, faith no longer has a function.

That perspective changes things for me.  I’ve always just assumed that faith brought with it proof- the moving of a mountain, the raising of the dead, the healing of the sick.  Don’t get me wrong, I believe all those things do require true faith…but the height of faith comes in the moments before those things occur.  The power is in the hoped for rather than the actual. Waiting for the mountain to move requires more faith than actually watching it move because faith is birthed in the moments of the unseen.  Faith is birthed in the unknown.

That perspective changes things for me because, now, I survey my life with a different measure of faith.  Rather than count the miracles I have witnessed (which I can maybe count on one hand) or the answered prayers…I now look at faith in a new way…I look for the "moments before".  I look for the fertile soil in my life in which God may plant His seeds of faith.  The vague future…the unanswered questions…the prayers still waiting to be crossed off the list…a faith that stands sure in what is hoped for, and certain of what is still unseen.  A faith that continues to believe, even in the face of death.

That verse never struck me so much as it did this time around.  I’ve loved chapter 11 of Hebrews- the “faith hall of fame” as they called it.  The stories of heroes of faith.  Heroes who saw God at work and gave their all for His name.  What solidified their faith even more to me was when I grasped that small verse at the very end, those few words that finally made so much sense in light of the definition of faith: “yet none of them received what had been promised”.  Men and women who were so certain of the unseen that even in their dying moments- having never seen- they held on to their faith, because they knew their God.  And with the voice of Job I hear these faithful say, “Though he slay me, yet will I hope in Him” (Job 13:15).

I want this kind of faith.  A faith that is not rooted in the end result, but rooted only in Him.  A faith that doesn’t end with the miracle, but is fueled by it.  A faith that holds fast in the face of the unknown, in the face of the uncertain, and even continues in the face of death. 

Lord, thank you for the unknowns, creating fertile soul for our faith.  We put our hope in You.

All This Talk About Faith is Making My Life a Little Crazy...

1 Peter 1:7
These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

The one thing about choosing to blog about your spiritual life is that it forces you to face any kind of hypocrisy you might have going on.  I mean, I can't write a blog about loving my husband and than turn around and disrespect him.  I can't write about what I am learning about encouragement and in the same breath gossip about a friend or give a bad attitude to the slow cashier at WalMart.


There is something about sharing your spiritual journey with others that keeps you accountable.  I usually love and appreciate that accountability.  But this morning, I hated it...because I almost freaked out...

I got a call this morning that the transferring of my license to work as a professional counselor (from IL to PA) which I had anxiously been awaiting had fallen through.  In short this means no work for at least another 2 months.  At least.  The process had already been delayed a month past what I had planned on...and now it's being delayed indefinitely.  In addition to this, I am left with about 90 phone calls to make and 35 letters to send out (okay, not that many, but it sure feels like it).

I immediately went to my husband to whine and complain and vent my frustrations.  What a waste of my time this had all been.  What a slow department and what a complicated process.  What an annoying state we chose to move to...how dare they.  What about the money we were planning on me earning during this time?

Typically, I probably would have spent the next couple days just pouting my shattered plans desperately trying to figure out how to put the pieces together.  But, miraculously- it lasted only about 5 minutes.


I say miraculously because all this talk about faith is changing some things in me.  All this talk about faith is allowing me to take these moments to really put my faith under a microscope and analyze how I handle these situations of pressure and failure.  In all reality, all this talk about faith is making my life a little crazy - because it's forcing me to new levels of faith and belief that I have never really been to before. 


I called my grandma for a pep talk, and she reminded me about lessons of faith even in these little things.  It's a never ending lesson, really.  Just because I had faith last week doesn't mean I will naturally have it today.  I have to work it out.  I have to refine it and prove it genuine.

Just like Paul was saying to the church- these things happen because God wants to prove your faith- not just to Himself, but to you.  Faith, he says, that is of greater worth than gold.  Faith that at the end of the day, when done the right way will result in nothing less than praising God and drawing nearer to Him.  That's my kind of ending to the day.  I'd rather have that than my pouting and whining any day.

So, here we go- in front of all you readers and friends.  I'm choosing to trust God with this dilemma.  I am choosing to wait on Him, trusting that He must have this under control.  I am choosing to take this "opportunity of unemployment" to give God my time and to give others my time.  To encourage, to minister, and to speak into the lives of those around me.  I know this will work out in His exact timing, and until it does I'm going to seek to praise Him with my life and my attitude...even with the darn licensing lady on the phone:)


Hold me to that.  And then ask yourself- how is God proving your faith right now?

A Purse full of Candy...and $1,500?: My Grandmother's Faith

Matthew 17:20
I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.

As a child, I used to see my grandma as a sweet and gentle old woman- who always had a plethora of treats.  A purse full of candy for all her grandchildren.  As I'm getting older and the more time I spend with her,  I'm realizing how superficial my opinion of her has been. 

There is more depth and wisdom, more passion and charisma in this one woman than I could have ever imagined.  And most importantly, more faith than I could ever fathom.  I wrote an article a few months back about an interview I had with my grandma.  It was an interview that challenged my faith and my reliance on God than any book I could have read or sermon I could have heard. 

But more recently, I got to experience her faith- and the direct impact that her faith had on my life. 

Seven months ago, I received a significant doctor's bill of $1,500 dollars.  There was a large misunderstanding between my doctor's office and my insurance company, and I was caught in the middle.  Neither of them would take any responsibility for the mistake, and I got stuck with the bill.

My husband and I have been battling this bill for some time now, and it looked like there was no hope in sight.  We were preparing to just deal with it, and make sacrifices- all the while juggling the financial constraints of a new mortgage and the never-ending list of expenses that come with expecting a baby girl in September. 

After a few last-effort phone calls last week (mind you, this is after letter after letter, appeal after appeal, and phone call after phone call), I decided to call my grandma and tell her about it.  For some reason, I find it hard to ask for prayer for matters such as these.  I can pray for lost souls and the physical illnesses of loved ones- but deep down I have always felt a little selfish about praying for finances.  As if these things were unimportant to God- and He had bigger things to worry about.

My grandma would disagree.  From figuring out how to get food on the table to casting out demons and evil spirits- my grandma brings everything to God in prayer.  

And that's what she did.  After hearing my story, without a shadow of doubt in her voice she said, "God will take care of it.  You won't have to pay a thing."   "But grandma...." I wanted to say.  I wanted to explain to her the complexities of insurance companies, and the process of writing appeals and making phone calls.  I wanted her to have a realistic expectation of how this whole thing would turn out...I mean, she's an old woman out of Egypt, surely she didn't understand the complicated process of this whole matter. 


All the while, God wanted to change my perspective of what it really means to be "realistic".  What it really means to have faith.  To have certainty.  To have an assurance beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would provide.

Sometimes I think my grandma's lack of education and child-like perspective helps her have huge faith.  My logic tends to trip me up.  It tends to act as an anchor, making it difficult for my ship of faith to journey into the will of God.  My grandma, on the other hand, knows no other way than faith.  She has a complete certainty in Christ.  To her, there are no other options. 

The next morning I got an unexpected phone call.  The doctor's office and the billing company had discussed our case, and they decided to adjust the entire bill.  100%.  And that was the end of it.  After seven months of battling this thing- it was over in an instant. 

I got off the phone and I just wept.  I didn't even weep because of the money...but I wept because I was so grateful to be carried on the wings of my grandma's incredible faith.  I wept because I serve a God who cares about the details in my life- even the details of a medical bill.  A God who withholds no good thing from those He loves.  I wept because I am learning great lessons about faith and what it means to have a never-ending assurance.  Faith isn't hope.  It isn't a wild dream.  It's not wishful thinking.  It's certainty. 

My grandma lives with that kind of certainty every single day of her life.  And I want to too.