Dear Perfectionists, Just Learn to Be Still:

Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God.

I wrote an article last week for Relevant Magazine titled "When You Can't Pray the Pain Away".  

I'm rather surprised by the response I got from readers, very passionate about the subject matter, advocating the importance of getting one's emotional and psychological world together through the process of therapy.  I got emails from all over the country and even from different parts of the world from men and women who felt that they were validated in their pursuits of professional healing, rather than not feeling "Christian" enough for seeking help. 

But more than anything, the great response and emails reminded me of the truth that people all over are hurting.  Pain and suffering are universal.

One interaction in particular was from a dear friend of mine who is going through a seriously hard time in her life.  She asked me some difficult questions in a public manner, in hopes that the public interaction would be a instrument in helping others.

Even in her pain, she hoped that someone out there might benefit from her struggles and her questions.  Now, that's legit.  To me, that is actually the very indicator of true healing and maturity.  So, dear friend, this post is in honor of you.

S: Debbie: this article is extremely true, factual, and hopefully effective if the individuals you are targeting with this message heed your advice. I can attest to the validity of what you have offered here. Therapy saved my life. Self examination has been the only thing that has helped me change my behavior. Self awareness is often our of my grasp. 

It's only been by friends laying out the realities of my actions and emotions that I've seen what's really wrong with me. Debbie you have personally done this from time to time directly through phone calls and one on one time or through your writings. Lately I've given in to giving up. I honestly have done the opposite. Haven't prayed but just relied on venting all the time to cope. It's less effective... this article is somewhat of a wake up call. 

Genuine question and I expect a practical answer from you: How can you continue to improve when momentum is gone? When friends fail you? When circumstances are too overwhelming? When you become lazy or use excuses? How do you get out of that pattern? I'll call you guys out if your answer is unsatisfactory! 

My Response:  Dear S, First of all, what is up with you asking the most difficult earth shattering questions? That's how you roll, though, isn't it? It's a good question, to be sure...and a hard one. How does one go on in the face of disappointment, disillusionment, pain, and a lack of motivation. This could be an entire article on it's own.

Your question was how do you keep improving, and I want to stop you there...because in my opinion, sometimes staying the same in such difficult times is just as good as improving. Letting the waves crash without causing you to topple over, much less thinking about trying to take steps forward through them. I think we all know when we have reached that most difficult place, and have to be careful not to put too many expectations upon ourselves through such hard times.

On the other hand, there are times when the storm lets up...and we can't use the pain of the past to keep us in the same place. For me personally, I have a hard time moving through such times alone, and I find that surrounding myself with people who help move me forward- friends, family, mentors, counselors- is sometimes what I need to draw upon their strength just so that I can get back on my own two feet and move forward.

Only you know where you are at right now...and how far you can push yourself. Strive to do what you can in the day to day, and to make the best choices in the current hour you are living through, rather than putting so many expectations on yourself for what is to come.

There is always a time for growth and moving forward...but for you, maybe that time isn't now. Maybe it's a time to be still and steady, and keep yourself from moving backwards. Hope that gives some perspective.
 _____

Thanks S, for always having such insight into your life...I think right now, this is a season for you just to be still...and know that He is God.  That's actually sometimes the hardest part.  I think sometimes we put more on ourselves than He ever would.  Praying for you, and thankful that you have a heart to help others even in the midst of your own struggles.  To me, that is true healing.  Give yourself some credit for that.  

Love you, homegirl. 

  

Kiwis, Sex Trafficking, and Broken Hearts: What You Can Do About It:

2 Corinthians 1:4
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

I opened a devastating email from the president of  War International (Women at Risk).  It was about a baby called "Sweetie" from South Asia who is being held captive in the Red Light District, chained to a pole, and withheld from love and affection.  She is being raised in this way so as to get her accustomed to the life of prostitution that she will one day enter.

The WAR team was sneaking into the brothel where she was being raised, under the guise of "customers", but really there to hold bible studies for the women, and have some time to hold and rock the baby, praying for her fervently with each rock.

A innocent baby, being neglected and abused at the hands of sex traffickers.  This is happening today.  Right now.  As you read these words.   

Devastation is all around us. 

This morning I walked into the grocery store and saw a man holding a baby that looked to be his granddaughter.  He was so enthralled with her that he was blocking the entry way, so I excused myself, made a kind comment, and passed by.  He found me later in one of the aisles and explained to me that he was holding his baby granddaughter, who he hasn't seen for 3 weeks.

He went onto explain that he has been home, non-stop, caring for his son around the clock- who is dying of a brain tumor.  That son also happens to be the father of this little baby girl.  This 18 year old son has been through extensive chemo and radiation, and now is home with hospice care, just waiting to die.  The man welled up with tears telling me his story.

Broken hearts are all around us. 

I asked for his son's name, and told him I would be praying for his son...and then I reached out my hand and asked him if I could pray...now.  He looked honored and surprised, and accepted my request.

There we stood, in front of the kiwis and mangoes, with all the world passing us by.  They were there to get their groceries, but we were there calling on the God who had more on his mind than fruits and vegetables...this was a God moment, to be sure.  Even in the middle of a grocery store. 

When we finished praying, he said to me "I am overwhelmed...I want you to know that I will never forget this moment as long as I live".

The moment a random stay-at-home mom, in yoga pants and a sweatshirt...took time out of her "busy life" to look at the devastation and broken hearts around her, and do something about it.

Don't get me wrong, I am no superhero....far from it.  In fact, I don't think I could have found anything EASIER to do than pray...I didn't offer money, I didn't provide my counseling services, and I didn't heal his son...

But we connected. Two broken people connected before an Almighty God.  A God who heals, a God who comforts, a God who cares. 

Sometimes you read those emails....about poor little babies in South Asia, and the incredible women who are taking the time to risk their lives to visit this baby and disciple these broken women of the Red Light District...

You read these emails and you look at the devastation that surrounds and you think, wow, I have got nothing to offer...

You are so terribly wrong.  

Not only do you have something to offer, you have EVERYTHING.  There is comfort that has been poured out to you on behalf of an Almighty God...so that you, can comfort others.


The problem is not whether or not we have something to offer, it's whether or not we allow ourselves to take the TIME.  

The time to step out of our selfish, superficial worlds, and look around. 

I'll be "Praying" for you...

James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. 

For some reason this past month has been filled with prayer requests.   I have had the honor of being entrusted with many of my friends and families innermost needs.  People have come to me asking for prayer, in an attempt to share their burdens.

I've been reading about the power of prayer in Bill Hybel's book Too Busy Not to Pray.  I guess this is why I have been extra sensitive to the area of prayer.  If I'm completely honest, I'll have to admit that prayer has never been of my strong points.  I'm a fan of the tangible...and prayer is something that can't always be counted and measured.  That's hard for me.

For me, it takes hard work to pray fervently.  I have to really build it into my life and "schedule it in my planner" or it frequently gets overlooked.

If you're anything like me, you know that praying for others has the tendency to become a formality.  "I will be praying for you" is always the polite thing to say...but at the end of the day, am I really taking the time pour my petitions before God on the behalf of others?  Am I really putting their needs as a priority in my life?  Am I really believing that when I partner with them in prayer...powerful things will happen?

That's really what it comes down to: our belief in an all Powerful God.  Prayer warriors aren't simply people with a lot of time on their hands- they are people who really believe that the God they serve has the power to change situations and lives, and they are asking Him to.

So before you throw around your offers to pray for others, take a hard look at what you really believe- and ask yourself if your prayer life reflects your theology.  If  not, something's got to change. 

The power to change the lives of others is in our hands- that's something which we should never take lightly.

Contentment Day 10: Connect With God (The Meaning of Weak Prayers)

Philippians 4:6-7
⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

I'm reading a book about prayer right now called "Too Busy Not To Pray".   In this book, Bill Hybels confronts the reader with the idea that prayer isn't a problem of time, it's a problem of theology.  I mean, if you think about it, anyone who TRULY believed in the power of God and connecting with Him through prayer would either be ignorant or arrogant in their prayer failures.

If you think about it, this makes a lot of sense.  I mean, If we really believed in who God was, and really knew what He could do...imagine how that would change our prayer lives.  The funny thing is, most of us actually think we believe.  "I know God can do these things" we may say with our mouths, but our lives tell a whole different story, don't they?

And I guess this is why I believe this scripture is most important when we're looking at the topic of contentment, because it is when we CONNECT with God through prayer, that we give Him the authority to have His way in our lives.  

God has power over nature.  He has power over our hearts, our emotions, our minds.  He has power over our situations and our dilemmas.  And He even has power over our perspectives.  God takes the lame and makes them walk.  He brings joy to the depressed.  He gives direction to the lost.  He brings hope to the hopeless and peace to the restless. 

You say you believe this, but does your prayer life speak the same?

Praise God that He is faithful.  Praise Him that He hears us though our prayers are weak, selfish, scattered, and few and far between.  May He grant us the faith to believe in Him with our words and with our actions.  May He give us unwavering belief in who He is and what He can do in our lives.  May He teach us how to pray. 

The Lord's Prayer:

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy Kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,

the power and the glory,

for ever and ever.

Amen.

Praying to Moe, Curly, and Larry:

Philippians 4:6
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

A few months ago, I was having a chat with my cousin Charlene.  We were discussing some issues that were going on in each of our lives, sharing our struggles and our concerns.  In the middle of our conversation, she stopped mid-sentence and said something that really challenged me and has caused me to be more deliberate in my life.  


"Debs, I want to stop praying to people"....


It was such a profound thought that it actually caught me off guard.  

I want to stop praying to people.  What she meant by that is something that we are all guilty of.  How many times do we take our needs and pour our hearts out to others...neglecting at the end of the line to pour these things out to God, the only one who can really do anything about them.  

Don't get me wrong, I believe there is something powerful about connecting with others in an intimate way, sharing struggles and allowing others to walk by our side through them.  But so often, we allow our venting to others to take the need of speaking to our Lord. 

We are so "talked out" by the end of the day.  And many times, all that talking actually makes us feel better....temporarily, of course.  Because when the line of people comes to it's end, we find that our problem is still lingering...

I was challenged that day to take my words more seriously, sharing them with a few selected friends...but more importantly, I was challenged to be deliberate in bringing my needs to Jesus.  I want to learn to vent to Him more than I vent to others.  I want it to become a natural and even necessary part of my life.  Because at the end of the day, He is the only one who holds the keys to healing, power, and change.  

Beer and Pizza Revisited:

[As some of you know, the past few weeks (four to be exact) I have been preoccupied by a beautiful little baby girl who has taken every waking (and sleeping) moment  I have.  Inevitably, my time for blogging has decreased, and my posts have been few and far between.  For this reason, and until I can find some extra spare time, I am dedicating the next few blog posts to revisiting my posts from the past...some old thoughts that are worth taking a second look.  May you be encouraged by the past as you look toward your future.]

1 Corinthians 10:31
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 

Since listening to John Piper’s sermon last week, my perspective on things has begun to slowly transform.  He challenged Christians to live this life with one focused pursuit- doing the work of God; pointing others to Him through our love.

He reminded us that this life isn’t for “vacation“, that in fact, we will have eternal vacationing- or as he put it, “eternal TV watching” when we enjoy that which we were made for one day: reveling in the presence of our Lord. 

Ironically, the week after I heard this message- John and I were headed for some of our own “vacationing” in San Francisco.  Don’t get me wrong- I don’t think there is anything wrong with vacationing, in fact- I believe we need it.  I sure did.  We need time built into our lives to enjoy relationships, to enjoy our surroundings, and to simply rest.

But, I believe the underlying question John Piper was addressing in his message is this:  what do we live for?  What do we spend our lives in pursuit of?  Unfortunately, too many times the answer is not the glory of God, but rather a long list of meaningless things. 

So for me, this week, I asked God to change my perspective.  I had asked Him to give me a renewed desire for His glory, and a preoccupation with His work.  And here’s what happened:

___

The streets of San Francisco are always in a hustle.  It’s a beautiful city, filled with beautiful people.  On our last evening there, John and I decided to have a picnic at Union Square, the park in the center of the city.  We got our Blondie’s pizza, found a table to sit, and sat to enjoy one another’s company and take in the sights of the city.

As we were eating, I noticed a man sitting in a bench beside us.  I couldn’t help but observe that he looked somber.  He sat alone, and every few minutes, he would pick up his wrinkled brown bag, and take a sip of the drink inside.

I couldn’t get his sad look out of my mind.  No matter what I tried to do to distract myself, I found my eyes would keep wandering back to him, wondering what was causing this man to look so serious.  I felt the prodding of the Holy Spirit getting stronger and stronger, the nagging preoccupation that I had asked God for was being birthed inside of my spirit.  So much so, that I couldn’t make it go away even when I tried. 

I turned to him and said, “Sir, are you hungry?  Would you like a slice of Pizza?  We’re going to have plenty left over.”

“I’m not really hungry, but sure, I will take a slice.”
And so our conversation began.  With one simple slice of pizza, Howard entered into our worlds, and we entered into his.

“Are you from the area?” we asked.  “No, I am from Manhattan, visiting San Francisco because my mom is very sick.”

Through the course of the conversation, we learned many things about Howard.  We learned of his deep concern as he watched his mom suffer through a merciless bout with cancer.  We learned of his many regrets- regrets that he had never invested in her life until now.  We learned of his deep worries, worries that she would soon be gone from his life, though she was the most important thing he had.  We learned about his struggle with religion, knowing a God who only loves when we are good- when we obey the rules.  Howard had broken the “rules”, many of them, he said.  In fact, he even said that he was breaking one of the rules in that  very moment, as he sat there with us, washing the last bite of his pizza down with his beer. 

We learned a lot about Howard that day, and then we shared with Him about the love of the God that we knew.  A God who deeply hurts when we are hurting.  A God who cares greatly for our loved ones.  A God who has the power to heal bodies and repair broken relationships.  A God who forgives us even before we ask.  A God who’s lavish love alone brings us to repentance…not the other way around. 

We prayed with Howard that evening, before we said goodbye.  It was a wonderful moment, and afterward he looked up and said, “Wow, that was a powerful prayer”.  God knew exactly what Howard needed to hear that day, and He gave us the words to convey those things. 

I learned a powerful lesson this week.  First, I learned that I am not diligent enough in doing God’s work.  How many Howard’s have I interacted with- not giving a moment’s thought to their spiritual needs?  How many days have gone by where I have not asked God to give me a preoccupation with His work?  How many opportunities have been missed because I frankly didn’t care enough to take the time. 

Secondly, I learned the important truth that no matter what we are doing- we can be used by God.  We don’t have to be at our Saturday morning church ministry.  We don’t have to be at a homeless shelter feeding the poor.  It doesn’t have to be a special moment.  We don’t have to have special words.  And we certainly don’t have to be a special person.  In fact, He is glorified more because we are not.

The truth is, God can and WILL be glorified in every part of our lives- whether or not we take part in that is our decision.   So this week, friends, whether you eat, or whether you drink, whether you work or stay at home, whether you go for a run or to the grocery store, whether you attend a church service or visit a friend, whether you meet a Howard or an old friend- remember this: do it all for the glory of God.  Amen.

Rubbing the Backs of Mean People: On Loving Your Enemies

Matthew 5:43-46
"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven...If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?"

I was chatting with a sweet mother the other day who told me a story of her 5-year-old.  The 5 year old went up to her and out of nowhere began rubbing her back affectionately and said, "Mommy, I love you".  The mom looked at her daughter a bit surprised and wondered, "Thanks honey, what made you say that to mommy?"  To which the daughter replied, "In Sunday School we learned that Jesus says to love people who are mean to you."  The little girl had had one too many time outs that week!

It's amazing the things one can learn from the innocent bluntness of children.  They have a tendency to say it like it is.  But as much as this story made me laugh, it also gave me a lot to think about.  For me, it's not always as simple as affectionately rubbing the back of the one I am in disagreement with, much less my enemy.

I suppose the word "enemy" might be a strong word.  I mean, in this day and age we don't go around calling people our enemies...well, maybe some of us do.  But all in all, what it comes down to on a day to day basis is that there are people in our lives who tend to irritate and grate on us.  Their voices, their mannerisms, their opinions.  They may be people who have deeply hurt or wounded us.  People who have belittled or degraded us.  People who have put themselves on pedestals and taken advantage of their role in our lives.

Either way, one thing is for sure: most of us are far from loving our enemies.  If by love Jesus meant talking about them, avoiding them, and feeling negatively toward them, than sure...maybe we do love them, and we love them well.  

But if by love, Jesus meant considering them first, building them up, going out of our way to be pleasant and kind, lifting them up in our prayers and proverbially "affectionately rubbing their backs"....then I must say, I have quite a long way to go.  It's a difficult task, this loving thing.  Like Jesus said, it's so much easier to love the people who are easy to love.  But at the end of the day, if we're honest with ourselves we'll realize that none of us really deserve love...

I'm so grateful Jesus didn't do the same as me when it comes to love.  I'm thankful He chose to love people who are irritating, difficult, unfaithful and mean like me.  I'm thankful that He sees past the negative things in my life and comes to my side to love this sinner in a fierce way.  I'm so thankful for that kind of love, and I am challenged by it.

Today, may we take the time to swallow our pride and bite our tongues as we learn to love the people that God has put in our lives.  Even the mean ones...

When Prayer Puts you to Sleep:

1 Thessalonians 5:17
Pray continually...

Our church is a part of a community-wide time of fasting and prayer, in hopes of seeing breakthrough in different parts of our lives.  In hopes bringing us to a place where our hungry souls are feeding on Him alone.

There is so much to be said of fasting and prayer.  Today, I’m focusing on the prayer.

I must admit, out of all of the spiritual disciplines- for me, prayer is the most difficult.  When it comes to finding a time to simply “be still” before God- for someone as active as me it can be as devastating as a sentence into solitary confinement. 

My mind wanders, my eyelids get heavy, my thoughts are distracted, and I’m bombarded with the many tangible things I could be doing in place of this intangible act. 

And this, you see, is the foundation of all my problems with prayer.  Because the fruit of prayer is not always felt instantaneously, because my requests are not always granted immediately, because there is no material evidence that something is being accomplished- it is easy to slip into the lie that prayer is “insubstantial”.

In order for that lie to be countered, it must be battled with truth:

Prayer is significant because prayer is relational. 

Just because I am not “accomplishing” anything with friends, does not mean that my time was ill spent.  In fact, some of my favorite moments with my husband involve the two of us sitting together, talking, being still with one another, my head resting on his shoulder.  They are intimate moments.  Moments that I would never in a million years trade for even the greatest of accomplishments. 

My favorite description of prayer is put best by Brennan Manning in his book The Ragamuffin Gospel:

“A little child cannot do a bad coloring.  Nor can a child of God do a bad prayer.  A father is delighted when his little one, leaving off her toys and friends, runs to him and climbs into his arms.  As he holds his little one close to him, he cares little whether the child is looking around, her attention flitting from one thing to another, or just settling down to sleep.  Essentially the child is choosing to be with her father, confident of the love, the care, the security that is hers in those arms. 


Our prayer is much like that.  We settle down in our Father’s arms, in his loving hands.  Our mind, our thoughts, our imagination may flit about here and there; we might even fall asleep, but essentially, we are choosing for this time to remain intimately with our Father, giving ourselves to him, receiving his love and care, letting him enjoy us as he will.  It is a very simple prayer.  It is a very childlike prayer.  It is prayer that opens us out to all the delights of the kingdom.”

May you crawl into your Father’s lap and simply enjoy His presence.  And may you feel the abundance of His love for you today. 

Question for Response: What are some ways to improve the discipline of prayer?