3 Ways to Get Past Your Past...

Often in life, our greatest enemy isn’t a person, external obstacle or impossible situation—it’s our internal struggle with our past.


For Andrea, that was exactly the case. She was stuck in her past. Unable to get over the struggles of her youth, she kept looking back. Fixating on the neglect, reliving the abuse, analyzing the rejection. Twenty years later and she's still asking why, trying to make sense of it all. Yet by continually looking backward, she is losing sight of her present and future...

Read the rest of my article at Relevant Magazine!

Why I Hate Running and What I'm Running From:

Hebrews 12:1-2
And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith.

There's nothing I despise more than running.  It takes so much out of me.  Energy.  Strength.  Motivation.  But that's what I've been doing lately.  This time, I'm not talking about physical running.  I'm talking about emotional...and spiritual running.  

To put it vaguely, I've been going through a difficult time in my life.  God has blessed me with so much, and the roots of those blessings run so deep in my life- but the stems of those blessings have began to blossom into pain, suffering, and stress.  The seeds must fall in order for the fruit to be birthed.  I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces much fruit (John 12:24).

I'm waiting for that fruit.  Having to remind myself that it is actually rooted in blessings, though some days blessing is the last thing I feel.  Some days, I just feel crushed.  Pressed.  Persecuted.  And struck down.  

For a moment, I thought the seeds had fallen...I thought it was time to harvest, to taste, to enjoy the fruit.  But I was wrong.  The season is not yet over.  

It's like I was running a marathon, headed toward the finish line, desperate to get to the end.  And when I reached the finish line, I turned the corner and realized that I still had 5 miles to run...

The end would come.  But it was not yet.  

Sometimes, this thought can be more devastating than encouraging.  Sometimes, your body and your soul and your mind just want to get to the end, and you aren't sure if you have the strength to make it through to the finish line. You just don't know if you have what it takes.  Just ask me a few weeks ago, and I, too, didn't think I could.  

But here I am...am still running...

More than anything, I'm thankful that this race I'm running isn't about me, and the strength that I am running with has nothing to do with myself.  I'm thankful that when I am weak and my faith is imperfect, I can fix my eyes on the one who perfects my faith.  I'm thankful that the race has an end, it's not as short as I want it to be, and it's not as straight- but it's a race that was made just for me.  It was marked out for me.  It is mine.  For a reason.   Though I don't always know what that reason is, one thing I do know:

It refines me.  It stretches me.  It teaches me.  It perfects me.  

As much as I hate running...and trust me, I really despise it...I'm learning to be thankful in this race.  I'm learning to run the race marked out for me, and to fix my eyes on Jesus each and every step of the way.  

5 miles to go.  I'm running from fear, doubt, worry, and pain.  And instead, I'm running to Jesus. 

The finish line is in sight.  I'm hopeful that I'll push through and get there.  

May you, dear one, keep running, too. 

I'm thankful for Joy because it's not always the norm:

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 

The day before Thanksgiving is always a unique day because it marks the start of the holiday season.  Magical Magical decorations, joyous Christmas music, sparkling lights and the aroma of delicious food fill the air and bring an indescribable happiness to people all around. 

The delight of the holidays is contagious.  Looking around you see a sparkle in the eyes of the people around you and feel an unexplainable connection to humanity.  It's as though we were made to be joyful, and this holiday season is a reminder to stop and feel the joy.

I'm thankful for that.  I'm thankful for the fact that I have a reason to feel joy that supersedes the lights and the decorations and the food.  I am so aware as I look at my life that it is filled with blessings, and the clear hand of God as the giver of those blessings.

But this holiday season, I am also aware that for many...this is not norm.


For some, this holiday season brings with it a different feeling.  Depression, loneliness and isolation.  A painful reminder of things that have been long awaited for but have never arrived, or of precious things that have been lost.  The truth is we never really know what someone else is going through until we take the time to notice.  But sadly, so many of us are so distracted by our own blessings that we miss the opportunity to bless others.   

Enjoy your holiday season, enjoy your friends, loved ones, and the joy of this season.  But please, have an awareness that you are blessed, and reach out a hand to someone who might not be feeling so blessed this holiday season.  A hand of comfort, of friendship, and of love.  A hand that says I see you, I feel your pain, and you don't have to be alone.

Because one of these holidays, that someone could be you.  Thank you Lord for joy this holiday season.  Help me to not only be the recipient of that joy, but the giver of comfort as well.

"Christian" Depression:

Psalm 30:5
...weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

This morning I woke up feeling really good.  I was filled with an unmistakable, overwhelming joy.  It had nothing to do with anything special that was going on...I was eating my oatmeal and banana for breakfast, just got finished feeding my baby, and watching the snowflakes falling- announcing the probability of another day snowed-in.  Like I said, nothing special.  But this morning, I was filled with an overwhelming joy and gratitude for the blessings in my life- little as they may be.

Recently a friend of mine said to me "I want whatever it is you're drinking....you are always happy and thankful".  If you really want to know the truth, what I am drinking, is a strong, strong dose of pain.

You see, for me, mornings like this are filled with a huge amount of gratitude, because the reality is- they didn't always exist.  I remember a season in my life that was very dark.  I remember waking up to a terrible void, an aching in my soul, a worthlessness and meaningless that seemed to come out of nowhere.  Call it what you will, but for me, I was in a deep pit of depression.

If you've ever been through depression, you know it's one of the most terrible feelings on earth.  The burden of emotion seems unbearable.  The cloud of haze seems like it will never pass, never let up, and never give up.  The feelings of loneliness begin to set in, isolating you from the world around you.  The future doesn't seem appealing anymore, and the little things in life have no meaning.   It's a dark and dreary prison cell that eventually begins to feel like a miserable home.

I have seen the prison of depression.  In different seasons of my life.  I think it's hard for Christians to admit to this because "aren't we supposed to be filled with joy at all times?".  That would be nice wouldn't it.  And for some people, that very well may be the case.  But not for me.  And not for many of God's children in Scripture. 

Depression is not a sin...it's just a feeling.  A symptom of something else.  Therefore, standing a lone- it's not the bad guy.  It can make it's way into our lives through a number of avenues- and can point to a number of things:  malfunctioning brain chemistry, hormonal changes and imbalances, difficulties in life, stress, bad relationships, distance from God, and even unconfessed sins.

Whatever the cause, when it is resolved (and trust me...though it doesn't feel like it, it WILL pass)...the experience of depression can end up being a gift- because it strips you away from all the things that don't really matter, and finds you all alone at the feet of the only One who does.  My best explanation of this idea is wrapped up in the lyrics of one of my favorite songs:

I've watched my dreams all fade away
And blister in the sun
Everything I've ever had is unraveled and undone
I've set upon a worthless stack
Of my ambitious plans
And the people that I've loved the most
Have turned their backs and ran

This is the good life
I've lost everything
I could ever want
And ever dream of
This is the good life
I found everything
I could ever need
Here in Your arms

Loneliness has left me searching
For someone to love
Poverty has changed my view
Of what true riches are
Sorrow's opened up my eyes
To see what real joy is
Pain has been the catalyst
To my heart's happiness

What good would it be
If you had everything
But what you didn't have
Was the only thing you need

Thank you Lord for reminding me that sorrow only lasts for a night, and for being the source of my joy in the morning.  Thank you for allowing me to pass through the difficult times in my life, and bringing me out the other side even stronger than where I began.  Thank you for the fire, but most importantly...thank you for being with me through it. 

*If you feel that you are struggling with on-going clinical depression and can't seen to get yourself out of it: find some help.  Contact your local church, or get in touch with a professional counselor in your area.  Reach out for help...it's out there.

Lessons from a McDonalds Drive Through: On Real comfort

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 

I was having a particularly difficult week.  My situation seemed quite over my head, and I wasn't sure how I was going to come out on the other side.  I didn't feel like I had the strength...nor was I sure if I even wanted the strength to get through.  Sometimes it seems easier just to give up, doesn't it? 

I had a short break in my day, and felt my stomach growling in hunger.  It was the first sign of hunger I had felt in many days, as my situation seemed to overwhelm even my natural desires.  The closest stop?  McDonalds.  Good ol' comfort food, maybe that would make me feel a little better.

As I pulled through the drive through and placed my order, a young man greeted me at the next window.  His dark, braided hair flowed in dread locks, tucked away in a ponytail behind his work visor. 

"How are you today, ma'am?"

"Doing well" I lied, "How about yourself?"

"I'm hanging in there."

We could have stopped there, and my flesh really wanted to.  I wasn't necessarily in the mood to have a chat...but something inside of my soul begged me to press on...

"Just hanging in there?  Well, is there anyway that I can be praying for you Ryan?" I chose to step outside of myself as I read the nametag on his uniform.

"I got lots of people praying for me, but sure.  Tomorrow is my birthday...and I'm working.  I have a job interview for a new job too.  Seems like all I do is work these days.  You see, life has been hard for me.  My dad died, my grandma recently died...and I'm just trying to make it through.  Their deaths really took a toll on my life, but, I guess I'm proud of myself that I've stayed off the streets and outta drugs.  I'm trying to get through, and go to college..."


We spoke for a good five minutes.  He shared some stories from his life and some of his struggles.  And believe it or not, there was not a single car waiting behind me in this usually busy location. 

I encouraged Ryan the best I could, and as I drove away, I prayed for him....that God would bless this young man, that he would strengthen him.  That God would work miracles in his life and most importantly show Himself to him.  That God would comfort his heart...and that he would bless him on his birthday, his job interview, and for the rest of his life.

I don't know how to explain it...but my interaction with Ryan that day was just what I needed to take my eyes off of myself for a moment.  I was able to comfort him...and in comforting him, I felt an overwhelming amount of peace, joy, and comfort.  I was able to step back and take a look at the purpose of my life...a purpose that had been buried by my emotions...a purpose that had taken the back seat to my anxiety and fears.   The purpose?  To love God...and to love others.  A purpose that overwhelms me with peace and grace every time I choose to accept it. 

I can honestly say, the greatest lesson I learned this week took place at a McDonald's drive through...one of the most unexpected places.  And at the end of the day, my comfort came not from a by then cold burger and fries....but by the precious love and grace of my Savior...a grace that floods my heart and carries me through: when I let it. 

Thank you God for your overwhelming comfort...help us to comfort others.