The end of the best (worst) year:

Ephesians 3:20
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

It's the end of another year.  

It's amazing to think of the different meanings that phrase holds for different people.

For some, it is the passing memory of some of the most significant and joyful moments of their lives.  New love, new life, new opportunities.

For others, it is the closing of maybe the most difficult chapter they have ever faced.  Grief, sadness and sorrow.  Darkness, loneliness, and failure. 

I, for one, find a place in my heart for both of those definitions as I reflect on the passing of 2012.  It was a year filled with the greatest joys I have ever experienced, but it was also a year of enduring some of the darkest times I may ever have to face.

But either way, through both the joys and the struggles of this year, I'm thankful to be able to say that I am in love with a God "who is able, through his mighty power at work within [me], to accomplish infinitely more than [I] might ask or think..."

More than ever, I am in awe of God's mighty power at work in my life this year.  Deep down I've always known that He powerful, but for the first time I am believing in His power at work within me, and through me.  Because of who He is, I am freed to be me. 

As I reflect on my life this past year, it's so easy to see God at work through the good times:
Celebrating five amazing years with the man of my dreams...
Experiencing the birth of my first son...
Enjoying the experience of writing my first book...
Witnessing the ever-exciting development of my precious toddler...

But, more than anything, I see His work through the difficult times in my life this past year- accomplishing infinitely more in me than I could have ever asked or imagined.   

 "Sorrow has opened up my eyes to see what real joy is.  Pain has been the catalyst to my heart's happiness". 

So thankful for a God who is faithful.  For a God who is loving and true.  For a God who takes both the light and darkness of our lives and by His grace, transforms them into exceedingly, infinitely more than we could ever hope, dream of, or imagine.

I'm dreaming big this year...which means my God is dreaming even bigger.  

Here's to the close of a really good year...

And the start of an even better one...

Happy New Year to you and yours!







 

You're So Vain, bet You think This Post Is About You....

Philippians 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.


In Greek mythology, Narcissus was hunter, known for his beauty.  Filled with pride, he loved himself so much that he was unable to love others.  Eventually, he was led to a body of water, where he glanced his reflection- unbeknownst to him- and fell in love with himself.  He was unable to leave the beauty of his very own reflection. 

And there he would spend the rest of his days, alone with himself...until the day that he died... 

As hard as it is to admit, there's a little bit of narcissus in all of us, isn't there?  A part of us that is afraid to take our eyes off of ourselves.  A voice inside of us that lures us in, keeping us fixated on self, preventing us from focusing on others.  Sometimes this voice comes with the sound of praise- reminding you of your accomplishments, stroking your ego, and giving you glory for all that you have done and all that you are.  Other times, this inability to take our eyes off of ourselves comes in a discouraging way.  Causing you to obsesses over yourself...if only I could have done better.  If only I could do more, be more, have more...

No matter which voice, whether positive or negative, we become the center of our attention. 

When we are consumed with ourselves, we are inhibited from loving others the way we were intended to love them.  When we are the focus we miss the opportunity of connecting with others. 

Pride and selfishness are some of the most isolating characteristics a human can possess....and whether the focus is positive or negative...fixation on self is just that.   

For those of us who cannot stop looking at ourselves...we will find, like Narcissus, a life filled nothing but self.  We will find everyone else around us fading away, washed up in the waves of our selfishness.  Consumed by the appetite of our ego.  And ultimately...desperately, and utterly alone.

C.S. Lewis declares that humility is not thinking less of yourself, but learning to think of your self less....

To allow your focus to fall on the people around you, and the God inside of you.  The God that is calling your name, asking you to love Him because He has already loved you.

The ironic thing is that the God who loves us so much is the only One who has the authority to focus on Himself...but He chose, in fact, to focus on You instead.  To give His heart to you.  To give His life for you.  To think of you in His last dying moment...instead of thinking of Himself. 

The only way to be freed from the snares of ego and pride is to do just that.  The only way to unlock the prison of selfishness and be freed from the obsession of insecurity, is to fix your eyes on others.  To allow others to be loved and valued just as much as you love and value yourself. 

Because no matter how hard we try to save ourselves... turning our eyes away from this self is the one and only place where true salvation can be found.   

5 Lies I wish I'd known while Dating:

Oh, the things I would change if I could go back in time.  I'm sure we've all felt that way at some point or another.  For me in particular, the whole area of love and relationships is one that I wish I could go back and "tweek".  There was so much that I wish I would have known, so much I wish I could have done differently, so many lies I wish I wouldn't have believed.  But I can't go back...and you know what, that's okay.

Because through the process of finding true love I've learned a lot.  My eyes have been opened to a lot of the beliefs that hindered me through my dating years and through that process have been able to encourage others.  The following myths have done a lot of harm in the lives of many young adults, mine included.  Let me tell you what I've learned:   

1.  If you're too picky you'll never get married:  A while back (and I'm talking...a long while back), I had a dozen roses shipped to my house by a guy who had taken an interest in me.  Not sure if it was my frizzy hair or bad make-up that attracted him (you ever look back at those pictures and wonder how you ever walked out of the house looking like that :)  Anyway, it was a sweet gesture from a decent young man, but to be frank, I wasn't interested.  Thankfully, I was at a healthy place in life and it didn't take long for me to know that he wasn't the right fit for me. So, rather than prolong the whole thing, I told him. 

I'll never forget this day, because at the end of the conversation he made sure to tell me that I would be an old maid some day with how picky I was about dating.  Now granted, he may have spoken out of his disappointment, but the truth is, he isn't the first person who said that to me during my dating years.  I can count numerous men and women who have uttered those words in my presence, whether geared toward me or someone I know.  People I love and trusted, who really believed that you could miss out on marriage by being too choosy.  Seriously?  Since when is taking the time to make the biggest decision you will ever make in your life considered picky?

Looking back, they were ALL wrong- and I'm thankful for it.  I am so glad I didn't settle, and waited for God to send me the man who is not perfect....but perfect for me.  He's the right fit, and I knew it in my heart more and more each day as we dated.  It was natural, it was easy, it was for real.  Don't let yourself believe this lie, and trust your heart.  Because marriage is a decision you live with for the rest of your life.


2.  You should only date towards marriage:  I used to be a firm believer of this.  You know, the days of reading books about "courtship" and "kissing dating goodbye".  But, eventually, my misinterpretation of it got me in trouble.

There was a season in my life that I really looked down on the concept of "dating around" and thought that if I was going to date someone, I better be pretty darn sure I was going to marry them in the end.  Because ultimately, that's the goal, right?

But deep down, the fear of failing in a relationship was actually driving me...and the fear of failure can be a very paralyzing thing.  For me, it paralyzed me into staying in a relationship that I knew wasn't right for me...for far too long.  Just because I was afraid to fail.

Looking back, I see failure after failure in my relationship history.  But I still see God's hand all over my past.  He comforted me, guided me, stretched me, and taught me more than I realized then.  So even when relationships don't work out in the end, it's not simply failure.  Sometimes, it's fate, freedom, and a future that's far beyond your scope in the here and now. 

3.  All the "good ones" are already taken:  Some people fall on the totally opposite end of being "too picky".  I've had the unfortunate opportunity to interact with men and women dating some pretty unqualified - that's an understatement- individuals...all because they think it's the best they can get.

People tend to end up with someone who they believe they deserve..and sadly, for some people, their view of themselves causes them to think they deserve very little.

I look back at some of the people I invested in, and see a sad reflection of the view I had of myself.  I'm thankful that God slowly transformed that view, allowing me to believe I deserve...not just good, but the best.

Change your beliefs about yourself...and then wait for the best.       

4.  Getting into a dating relationship will "ruin" your friendship:  This phrase is used to often in the dating world, but now that I'm married, I don't even really know what that means.  Here are some thoughts I have about this phrase:

You're supposed to marry your best friend.  Someone you connect with deeply on an emotional, spiritual, social and physical level.  A friend who you can laugh with, talk to til 4am, and cry with...but also have the freedom to do absolutely nothing with.  So, if you have that with someone of the opposite sex...maybe the friendship is the first step of something bigger.  That's the best case scenario.

Worst case scenario, a friendship doesn't ever blossom into the stage of romantic feelings...and the friendship changes.  In my opinion, that's still a good thing.

Let me explain.  When I got married, the friendships I had with the opposite sex changed drastically anyway.  When he became my priority, I had to guard my marriage by setting up boundaries with guys...and distancing myself to an extent.  They were no longer carrying the role they used to carry, because they were not my husband.  He was the only man that was to carry certain roles in my life.  So like it or not, your friendships with the opposite sex will always change...either now, or later when you meet your soul mate.  The deep friendship you have with your spouse should never be shared with someone else.  If your friendship changes now...it's less you have to deal with later.   

5.  Marriage will solve your dating problems:  I meet people all the time who think the issues and arguments that keep tripping them up in dating will magically disappear when they are married.

But for some reason this rule is never applied to other things in life.  Things are what they are, and we expect them to stay that way.  "It is what it is" has never been more accurate than it is in the world of dating.

When I meet with couples in marriage counseling, so much of the time the things that they are dealing with, the traits are driving them crazy, the habits that they can't seem to get control of are all things that began to take root even in their dating years.  Things they ignored, things they wished away, things they made excuses for.  Fast forward 5, 10, 15 years and these things are magnified more than ever.  Marriage is the pressure cooker that brings them to the surface. 

So, don't rush marriage as the solution, but seek to find the solutions in your dating relationship- if a solution is to be found, it will be there.  Because at the end of the day, "it is what it is".  So make sure it's good.

Dating is a great season to get to know yourself and to experience relationships with others in hopes of finding true love.  Don't let these lies hold you back, but strive to achieve a healthy perspective.  Trust God first and then trust your heart.  The truth will be right around the corner. 

 

What Makes a Good Christian:

Isaiah 64:6 
All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags..

Two and a half weeks ago, my husband and I welcomed our son into the world.  He has been such a joy and a blessing in our lives, and he has taken up much of our time along with his blessings.  


As I was falling asleep last night I was thinking about how little time I have actually had to myself lately.  Having two children under the age of two can be taxing on the minutes in the day.  Not only so, but my alone time with God has been little to none throughout the day.  I haven't read my bible much at all throughout the past couple of weeks, and haven't set foot in church either.  My prayer time has been limited, and when I do pray...they are self-centered prayers asking the Lord for energy, strength and wisdom.  No prayers for the poor, no prayers for peace, and no prayers for others. 

For a moment as I contemplated these things, I felt a twinge of guilt.  I felt like a "bad Christian".  I have been given so much, and lately, I have been giving back so little.  

It's easy to fall into the guilt trap, isn't it?  It's easy to look at all that God has done for us and feel embarrassed, ashamed, and  disappointed at what we give back to Him.  

But today I was reminded of something that has really shifted my thinking and challenged my beliefs: 


You see, what makes a good Christian is not how much we give back to Him, but how good we are at receiving his grace.  


His grace, again, and again, and again...


This is ultimately what the Christian life comes down to....a person who understands that no matter where you are in life, what you are or aren't doing, and who you are or aren't, we are all in need of God's saving grace to cover our failures and our failings.  Each and every single day.  


There is no shame in this because in this is the definition of the gospel.  In this is the definition of God's love, pouring down on us even when we are unable...or at times unwilling...to pour it back on Him.  And that is why we love Him, because He first loved us.  


I'm learning to apply these truths in practical ways this week.  I'm learning to receive God's grace and forgiveness over and over again throughout my days.  I'm learning to accept His blessings and his limitless love without a hint of shame or guilt.

I hope you will, too.   

Those Are Some Very Nice Ashes:

Isaiah 61:3
To give them a crown in place of ashes, oil of joy in place of mourning, praise in place of discouragement... 

I found myself getting discouraged last week.  It was one of those weeks in which I felt overwhelmed by the suffering and sorrow around me.  Not sure if you know this, but people are hurting in some really serious ways.  Friends, family, and clients.  It was just one of those days.  I had just finished listening to stories of brokenness, pain, and sadness only to be ushered into more. 


Sometimes it seems as though all this life has to offer is pain.  The truth is, I almost gave into that discouragement. 

And then I saw God at work. 


I met a young man recently who is climbing out of some serious pain...into something beautiful.  I see God at work in His life, and I am watching Him take this pile of ashes- and turn them into something incredible. 

I witnessed an artist a few months ago, take some dirty ashes on a plain piece of paper- and within just a few moments, out of the ashes I could see the most incredible picture.  She painted the most beautiful painting I had ever seen.


I'm reminded of this painting as I witness the life of this young man.  I'm reminded of a God who takes the most horrific and twisted pile of ashes we have to offer- put them into his nail pierced hands, and begin to work.  It takes paint to create something nice, but it takes ashes to create something incredibly beautiful.  The real beauty lies in the artist's ability to create something out of nothing. 

It's true.  He can do that.  And he does it every day.  I need to remember that as I look into the pain of the people around me, and as I look into the sorrows from my own life.  For every person caught in a pit of ashes, there is the hope for something beautiful. 

Will you allow Him to begin his masterpiece?

The Real Deal About New Years Resolutions:

Philippians 1:6
Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it to completion until the day of Jesus Christ.

Christmas is all over.  The floor is lined with remnants of brightly colored paper and curly ribbons.  The anticipation of giving and receiving has subsided.  The sun of this year has slowly set, and we await the dawning of the new year. 

The New Year.  For most, this brings a sense of excitement.  A new beginning of sorts.  A time to refresh, reshape, reprioritize, and rethink the goals of the past. 

But for the forgotten others, the New Year may bring with it a sense of failure.  It may bring with it the disappointment that comes with things hoped for that were not accomplished, things prayed for that were not answered, things dreamed that did not come to pass.  For many, it brings a sense of regret.  Things promised that were not followed through, things started that were not finished, things done that cannot be erased. 

I recently met a woman who dreaded this time of year, loaded with the nonsense of New Years Resolutions.  The time of year when we fool ourselves into thinking that we’ve started fresh. The time of year where we lie to ourselves, trying to believe we have the power to accomplish what we cannot.  The time of year where we set high expectations that can never be accomplished.  The time of year where we set ourselves up for one thing alone- failure. 

There is something pessimistically honest about her perspective.  There is something refreshing hidden beneath the negativity and despair of her statement.  Because, you see, in many ways she is right. 

When we begin to view our success and accomplishments as our sole responsibility- failure is inevitably right around the corner.  There is only so much our feeble humanity can accomplish.  Only so much we can dream, only so much we can try, only so much we can hope.  Only so much we can fail…without growing weary.  Whether we come to this conclusion early in life, or whether we are enlightened the moment before our eternal departure- this one truth we cannot avoid facing: our human limitation. 

Though, unlike this woman, this does not bring me despair- rather, it causes me to rejoice.  It causes me to find freedom from the burdens of accomplishment that I tend to place upon my shoulders.  It causes me bring my chains of human expectation before a God who holds the keys of ultimate sovereignty in His hands.  It causes me to rest in the truth that I am in His care, remembering that the great things He began in me will not be neglected.

It may tarry, but it will come.  It might not be in our limited perspective of time, and it might not be before the new year, but one thing is certain:

He who began a good work in you, will complete it. 

Friends, may your failures and your regrets be replaced with new hope, freedom, and a renewed sense of anticipation as you await the completion of His great works in your life.  Amen.