The end of the best (worst) year:

Ephesians 3:20
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

It's the end of another year.  

It's amazing to think of the different meanings that phrase holds for different people.

For some, it is the passing memory of some of the most significant and joyful moments of their lives.  New love, new life, new opportunities.

For others, it is the closing of maybe the most difficult chapter they have ever faced.  Grief, sadness and sorrow.  Darkness, loneliness, and failure. 

I, for one, find a place in my heart for both of those definitions as I reflect on the passing of 2012.  It was a year filled with the greatest joys I have ever experienced, but it was also a year of enduring some of the darkest times I may ever have to face.

But either way, through both the joys and the struggles of this year, I'm thankful to be able to say that I am in love with a God "who is able, through his mighty power at work within [me], to accomplish infinitely more than [I] might ask or think..."

More than ever, I am in awe of God's mighty power at work in my life this year.  Deep down I've always known that He powerful, but for the first time I am believing in His power at work within me, and through me.  Because of who He is, I am freed to be me. 

As I reflect on my life this past year, it's so easy to see God at work through the good times:
Celebrating five amazing years with the man of my dreams...
Experiencing the birth of my first son...
Enjoying the experience of writing my first book...
Witnessing the ever-exciting development of my precious toddler...

But, more than anything, I see His work through the difficult times in my life this past year- accomplishing infinitely more in me than I could have ever asked or imagined.   

 "Sorrow has opened up my eyes to see what real joy is.  Pain has been the catalyst to my heart's happiness". 

So thankful for a God who is faithful.  For a God who is loving and true.  For a God who takes both the light and darkness of our lives and by His grace, transforms them into exceedingly, infinitely more than we could ever hope, dream of, or imagine.

I'm dreaming big this year...which means my God is dreaming even bigger.  

Here's to the close of a really good year...

And the start of an even better one...

Happy New Year to you and yours!







 

Selflessness, Interviews, and Naked Taxi Cab Drivers

Matthew 5:40
If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too.

A couple of years ago I had joined my husband on residency interviews as he was looking for a place to land a job after graduating from school.  Usually the interview process is really intense, full of questions, conversations, and a whole lot of professionalism.  The dress code is top notch, suits and ties are a must- and even ties of a certain color.  You never want to stick out too much, or blend in too much.  


But through that entire process, I heard a story that changed my life.  A story that I will never forget as long as I live.  

At one of the interview dinners, we met a young man who had just completed his 2nd year of residency.  He was grateful for the opportunity to be at the hospital that he was currently working at.  And he told the story of the person who made it happen.

A couple years ago as he made his way down the interview trail, there was a snow storm that delayed his flight into Baltimore.  Due to that delay, he had to switch flights at the last minute in order to make it to his interview the following morning.  Fortunately, he did land.  Unfortunately, he landed at 2 in the morning...only to find that his entire luggage had been lost- tie, suit, shoes, and all.  


On his way to the hotel he was making some frantic phone calls in the taxi, trying to make contact with friends and family to think of a way he could avoid showing up at this interview in a sweat suite (a sweaty one, at that!). 


He reached his hotel to no avail, discouraged, tired, and feeling quite helpless.  As he got out of the cab, the taxi driver got out with him, and began to undress!  You can imagine the reaction of this student- unsure to what was going on.  


"I want you to have my suit", he said, having overheard his conversation from the driver's seat.  


And he proceeded to strip down to his boxers, giving the young man his shirt, suit, tie...and even his shoes.  


The young man was humbled, embarrassed, and amazed at the generosity of this complete stranger.  He gratefully took the suit, with tears in his eyes, and hugged the taxi driver goodbye.  

Just hearing that story changed my life.  

I was so challenged to really consider what message I am sending with the way I live my life.  We as Christians talk about being thankful and grateful during this Thanksgiving and Holiday season.  Thank you Lord for what you have given me, thank you Lord for all of your blessings...while clinging on tight to our belongings and being selfish and self-absorbed.  Turning an eye to the poor and needy, and living in our little bubbles of blessing.  What is the point of thanks-giving if we hoard our blessings to ourselves?

I was so challenged by the heart of this taxi cab driver- who was so willing to go above and beyond to meet an immediate need...though it was the need of a complete stranger.  This was the heart of the taxi-cab driver, what then should be the heart of a Christian, of a follower of Christ?

Does my life reflect that kind of heart?   This is my challenge this holiday season...to step out of my bubble of blessing and actually do something with what I have been given.  To hold it with an open hand, and to live with an open heart.  May you be challenged to do the same. 

Take THAT Black Friday:

Matthew 6:19-20
¹⁹ “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 

²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Let me be honest: my heart was SO divided today.  Like Matthew 6 reminds us: where your treasure, there your heart will be also.  Black Friday is always one of those days that really tests the state of my heart.  There is just something about the idea of hordes of people shopping for incredible bargains that really gets me going! 

I don't think there is anything innately wrong about Black Friday, shopping, or finding great deals.  But this morning I noticed a really strange struggle inside of my heart as I was looking at the ads and watching the commercials.  On one hand, I am trying my best to simplify my life and focus my priorities on things that really matter.  I really want my life to reflect what's really important to me.  I want the treasures of doing God's work, giving to those in need, and being united with Christ to be the things that drive my adrenaline and give me joy.  


But on the other hand...that iphone would totally beat using this old cell....And that is a really cute sweater. 


You know what I mean?  It's a constant battle to consider what I really want, and what I actually need.  And man, there are soooooo many things that I really want.  It's a battle to continually remember to keep my eyes on heavenly things rather than on this world, to invest in the the kingdom of God and people who are hungry, poor, and alone...rather than my wardrobe.  It's a battle that I fail time and time again, but one that I'm not willing to give up on.  Because the few times I do win...it feels overwhelmingly right.  It's what I was created to do.  It's the treasure I was made to possess. 


It feels so good to invest in the right things.  I want to be a person who does more of that.  I want to be a person who's checkbook clearly reflects the state of my heart and the truth to where my treasure lay. 

Take that, Black Friday.  

I'm thankful for Joy because it's not always the norm:

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 

The day before Thanksgiving is always a unique day because it marks the start of the holiday season.  Magical Magical decorations, joyous Christmas music, sparkling lights and the aroma of delicious food fill the air and bring an indescribable happiness to people all around. 

The delight of the holidays is contagious.  Looking around you see a sparkle in the eyes of the people around you and feel an unexplainable connection to humanity.  It's as though we were made to be joyful, and this holiday season is a reminder to stop and feel the joy.

I'm thankful for that.  I'm thankful for the fact that I have a reason to feel joy that supersedes the lights and the decorations and the food.  I am so aware as I look at my life that it is filled with blessings, and the clear hand of God as the giver of those blessings.

But this holiday season, I am also aware that for many...this is not norm.


For some, this holiday season brings with it a different feeling.  Depression, loneliness and isolation.  A painful reminder of things that have been long awaited for but have never arrived, or of precious things that have been lost.  The truth is we never really know what someone else is going through until we take the time to notice.  But sadly, so many of us are so distracted by our own blessings that we miss the opportunity to bless others.   

Enjoy your holiday season, enjoy your friends, loved ones, and the joy of this season.  But please, have an awareness that you are blessed, and reach out a hand to someone who might not be feeling so blessed this holiday season.  A hand of comfort, of friendship, and of love.  A hand that says I see you, I feel your pain, and you don't have to be alone.

Because one of these holidays, that someone could be you.  Thank you Lord for joy this holiday season.  Help me to not only be the recipient of that joy, but the giver of comfort as well.

Holiday For Sinners:

Isaiah 53 The Message
But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—
   our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.
We thought he brought it on himself,
   that God was punishing him for his own failures.
But it was our sins that did that to him,
   that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!
He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
   Through his bruises we get healed.
We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost.
   We've all done our own thing, gone our own way.
And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong,
   on him, on him. 

This past week has been cathartic for me.  I have felt a deep sense of freedom in the act of confession. The past few nights...during the latest hours...God has brought things to my mind that I have been hiding.

I wonder why things like this seem to happen to me so late at night.  Maybe it's because in those moments of deep fatigue that my heart is most vulnerable.  Maybe it's because those are the moments in which my energy is depleted, my guard is down, and I have no strength to fight.  It's by His grace that He meets me in those moments.  Moments in which His love cannot be countered by my pride.

The past few nights God has been revealing to me some things in my life that I really need to change.  He has showed me that I have a strong sense of insecurity that tends to run wild in my life.  A deep feeling of inadequacy that causes me to fear, to covet, to compare.  A feeling that tempts me to lie, to embellish, and to exaggerate.  A feeling that leads me to believe that I am not enough...or that I am small....insignificant, and weak.


My heart is sinful.  And these sins have a tendency to seep into my actions...into my relationships...into my life.

I've spent the past few days talking to my husband about these internal struggles and sins, asking for accountability, prayer, and encouragement.  I've confessed to my friends, in hopes of facing the darkness in my heart.  And now, I find myself confessing to the entire world...anyone who would take the time to read.

I am a sinner.  At the deepest part of who I am there is a constant battle between doing my will...and submitting to His.  I am a sinner, but at the end of the day I'm realizing that this weekend...Easter...is a holiday for people just like me.

Liars.  Thieves.  Adulterers.  Those who can't control their anger.  Those who can't control their addictions.  Crooks.  Drunkards.  Idolaters.  Those struggling with their sexual lusts.  Those caught up in secret sins. 

This weekend is for us.  The sinners.  Those who have realized that they just can't do it on their own.  Those who have searcher their hearts and come to the realization that they are not as "good" as they thought they were...as others thought they were. 

This weekend is for us.  The sinners.  Those who have come to see their great need for a Savior.  A God who would love them to the point of death.  A God who carried our pain, our failures, and our disfigurements.  A God who was crushed so that we could be healed. 

This weekend is for us.  The sinners.  The gift of His precious life.  The hope of freedom, salvation, and peace.  The hope healing...from our pain, our weaknesses, and our sinful states.  The hope of Jesus. 

What's so Good about Good Friday?

Isaiah 53:5
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

I couldn't help but feel saddened at the lack of gratitude this day brings for so many.  Having dinner with my husband this evening at a restaurant- it was sad to take in the meaninglessness of this day to the world around us.  Just another day.  Just another evening.

But, I can't point the finger.  I myself have struggle with the measure of gratitude that is required of a day such as today.  It's hard to really grasp such a sacrifice. 

It's known to America as "Good Friday"...

But it's goodness is not found in the Friday evening socializing at a restaurant.  Nor is it found in the "Easter" deals at the stores.  Though this weekend has been stamped in pastel colors, bunnies, and chocolates...the truth of the matter is that it was originally stamped in blood.

The Goodness of Good Friday is found only in one thing: Jesus.  The God who saw it necessary to come into our worlds in order to win us over with His relentless love.  The God who saw it fit to take our imperfections upon Himself so that we could be healed.

That is nothing short of marvelous.  

Though this day in history was once filled with sadness at the death of a beloved Savior...today it is filled with all the gratitude I can muster.  I am grateful for a God who took it upon Himself to come and find me.  A God who counted my life...my sinful, futile, meaningless life...more valuable than His.

A God who gives His life to me every single day in the form of relationship.  

Because of this God...my life will never be the same.  

The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling,
   a scrubby plant in a parched field.
There was nothing attractive about him,
   nothing to cause us to take a second look.
He was looked down on and passed over,
   a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.
One look at him and people turned away.
   We looked down on him, thought he was scum.
But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—
   our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.
We thought he brought it on himself,
   that God was punishing him for his own failures.
But it was our sins that did that to him,
   that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!
He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
   Through his bruises we get healed.
We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost.
   We've all done our own thing, gone our own way.
And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong,
   on him, on him....Isaiah 53

On Easter: I'll take the Power and pass on the Suffering

Philippians 3:10-12
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

With Easter Sunday just around the corner, this verse seems fitting to meditate on.  There is so much that can be said of Easter, of the holiday that symbolizes the death of Christ culminating in victory over sin, over pain, over death.  There is so much to be said of the Love that was so freely given to save a people who were so undeserving.  There is so much to be said of a God who chose to give up His power and to humble himself, taking on the form of a man in order to bring salvation.

There is so much to be said of such a glorious display of affection...but more-so, there is so much to be learned. 

Paul puts it so well as he reflects on the beautiful and terrible death of our Lord and savior when he says: I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His suffering. 

You see, for each one of us....simply reflecting on this glorious display of affection means nothing for the individual soul until one is willing to pursue it.  Until one is willing to accept it.  Until one is willing to allow it to change their lives. 

For those reading this who do not have a relationship with Christ this means one thing: turning to Christ, acknowledging your sinful state, accepting that He so lovingly gave His life to save yours, and pursuing a relationship with him. 

But what about us who already believe?  How can this glorious display of affection continue to change and mold us even after the point of salvation?  How can we get past the point of complacency and being so accustomed to this blessed day that it no longer moves us, no longer challenges us, no longer transforms us?  According to Paul, knowledge brings our salvation from this detrimental apathy.

From the day of  his salvation, Paul spent every moment of his life in pursuit of this one thing: knowledge of Christ.  He wanted to know Christ in every aspect.  He wanted to understand Him in his most powerful moments and in the depths of His suffering.  He understood that true intimacy involved such depths of understanding.  Becoming like the One he loved in every way. He realized that the more he identified with Christ, the greater his appreciation for His sacrifice would be. 

For so many of us, that is an easy thing to say when we are talking in sharing in the power of Christ.  But what about in His suffering?  Do we long to know Christ, even in His suffering?  Do we long to take on a glimpse of the pain of Calvary?  Do we cherish opportunities to humble ourselves as an act of love to those around us?  Do we take the chance to get on our knees and wash the feet of those who have the capacity to betray us?  Do we really allow the pain in our lives to shape us into the face of Christ? 

Can we identify with His broken heart, in pieces for the lost souls surrounding Him?  Can we say in the midst of our betrayal that we long for the Father to forgive our betrayers?  Can we shed tears of anguish for the unity we long to have with our Father? 

Christians, do we long to know Christ in the fellowship of His suffering?

This Easter Sunday, we have a blessed opportunity to gaze upon the sacrifice and victory of our Lord.  We have the opportunity to identify with Him, giving ourselves over to the same power that conquered the grave to be at work in our lives.  We have the opportunity, also, to connect with Him on an even greater level...to join with Him in His suffering.  To allow the glimpse of suffering we have felt or may be feeling this very moment to be yet one more thing that draws us into greater intimacy with our Lord. 

May we take the invitation as we gaze upon the cross and look upon the empty tomb, to share with Him in the power of His resurrection, and have the courage to take part with Him in the fellowship of His suffering. 

Lent and Leviticus: Identifying with Christ

Leviticus 1:4
He is to lay his hand on the head of the burnt offering, and it will be accepted on his behalf to make atonement for him. 

I’m on a journey of reading through the bible.  Genesis is full of incredible stories, Exodus is the start of an amazing journey…and then you get to Leviticus.  If you’ve read through the bible you know how hard it is to keep your commitment once you enter into the book of Leviticus. 

It’s a book of do’s and don’ts.  Sacrificial regulations, camp rules, and policies pertaining to a new way of life.  It’s easy to get lost in the history and skim through the details.  But every now and then when I take the time to really dig deep, I am always amazed.  Even with these seemingly meaningless rituals, God instills divine purpose. 

I found one of those profound truths as I was reading the regulations for the burnt offering.  The purpose of the burnt offering was to make atonement for sin and be granted God’s acceptance.  There was a very specific way in which it was to be done.  One thing that really hit home to me was the requirement of the giver to lay hands on the head of the animal before the sacrifice took place.

At first glance, I thought that was a strange rule, but it didn’t really mean much to me until I realized the profound reality of what was taking place.  In the laying on of the hands, the giver was identifying with the one being given.  He was bringing himself to the level of the sacrifice, looking it in the eyes, and appreciating the gift of life that was about to be given for the sake of his atonement.

And then I realized that sadly, we have come a long way from that.  Don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful that we no longer have to make atonement for our sins in such a laborious way, but in the simplicity of the grace we have been given, something has been lost.  In the ultimate and complete sacrifice of Christ, we are no longer daily charged to identify with the one who gave His perfect life for us.  In the removing our hands from that precious head, we have lost our appreciation for the life that was given for us. 

I am so grateful for the gift of Christ, but I am also ashamed that I hardly take the time to identify with the life that was so freely given for me.  I don’t believe that this post coincidentally comes the week of Ash Wednesday.  For many believers, the next 40 days usher us into a sacred season.  A season of gratitude, a season of identification with the one who gave His all for us.  For many people, it is a time of giving up something in an attempt to identify with the one who gave His entirety on our behalf. 

This season of Lent, may we symbolically lay our hands on the head of the one who sacrificed and suffered so much on our behalf.  May we take the time to draw near to His side, look into His eyes, and shed tears of love and appreciation for the sacrifice He so willingly gave.

How are you identifying with your Sacrifice this season?

Remember What's Really Important This Time of Year....

James 1:27 
"Religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after Orphans and Widows and their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world"

John and I were just reminiscing about our trip to Egypt in 2008, wondering how the kids are doing, wishing we could be there, and hoping to make it back there soon.  With that spirit, I wanted to post a bit of the email updates we wrote during our time there.  As you read, I want you to remember with us what is truly important this year.  And then...do something.  Do something that will make a difference for someone this holiday season. 

_________________________

Today we visited an orphanage for Handicapped Children and it was Amazing. It was difficult, but most of all rewarding. There are 13 children there in two small apartments next to each other. Most of the kids lay lifeless on the beds, they all are in diapers and most of them cannot speak other than noises. It was amazing to see how they came to life in response to your touch and words.

One boy in particular was such a joy to interact with. His name is Abinoub, he is 9 years old and was born mute, deaf, and blind. He lay motionless on the bed and when I went to hold his hand he jumped into my arms. I just held him for a while and talked to him, even though he couldn't hear. He loved to be held like a baby and rocked back and forth. When we held him like that the biggest smile you could imagine would be on his face and you could feel his joy, I knew that he was aware and felt the love we had for him. The minute I put him down in his crib, he would jump up feeling around for me and once he got a hold of me he wouldn't let go. He was longing to be held, to interact with somone.

So many of the kids responded just to being held and touched. I wish we could have spent all day there just holding the kids and telling them how much we loved them. It was also difficult to interact with them becasue many of them would drool on you, try to eat your clothes, and we could clearly smell the urine on the beds we sat on. But it was even more difficult to look into their eyes and not love them, not touch them, not reach out them.

Yesterday in the main orphanage we go to Deb was counseling on the of girls and she asked me to come into their room in the middle of the session. The girl had asked that I would come in because she wanted to share something with me. When I went into the room Deb asked the girl if she could share her story. She wanted her to. Deb went on to tell me how this girl had just shared her story.

*It's Deb cutting in real quick* She had been suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts due to a long history of abuse by her biological father. He had physically abused both her and her mother for many years. Her view of what a father was had been completely tainted by past. She had a scar on her upper arm from where her dad had slit her with a knife. The amazing thing about this story is, just being able to talk to her about the love of God our father, how a real father is supposed to be. Without going into tedious detail, she gave her life to the Lord this day, and it was so amazing being able to be a part of this. She told me that we had already impacted her life so much.

She went on to say that when she first met John, she was blown away with his compassion and gentleness with all the kids...how well he treated them. She said that she immediately wanted to call him "Baba" which means Daddy in Arabic, but she was too shy to do so.

After that, she asked if we could ask him to come in the room and share with him these things. I called John into the room and proceeded to tell her story. Before I knew it, I was just sobbing. We were all sobbing. I held her in my arms as she wiped away MY tears...but more than anything, at that moment, she knew she was loved SO much, by John, by me....and most of all, by the Greatest Lover of all....Christ.

John's Back :)...I never experienced before the feeling of someone looking up to me as their father. As I listened to Deb tell me this girls story it broke my heart and it was difficult to hold back the tears. I can't imagine what it is like to have such an abusive father. As my heart was broken I also realized the power of Christ's love, the healing it can bring, and the Amazing God we serve. So often we think that we aren't doing enough, I had only played with this girl a few games, said hello, talked with her a little bit, but it had such a profound effect on her. How many more people could have their lives changed by God's love and grace if we would only take the time???

We have so much more to share and are trusting God to do even more in the coming week and a half we are here. We will be going to the Red Sea this weekend and will send another update early next week. Continue to keep us in your prayers and even more the kids at the Orphanage.
___________
Happy Holidays Everyone.

Love,
John and Deb

For more information on Christian Orphan Outreach or on how to Sponsor a Child for the Holidays visit our updated website!