Does the Church embrace singleness?

1 Corinthians 7:32
I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 

Does the Church embrace singleness?  I threw that question out there this morning on my True Love Dates Facebook page.  

It was interesting to read the thoughts and responses from young men and women, but one woman's comment caught my attention:

"It is almost as if it is okay to be a single man but they [the Church] are not quite sure what to do about a single woman.  Many times they feel sorry for her or pray for God to bring the right man. There seems to be a definite double standard." 

This statement really caught my eye because I find myself agreeing with her.  Remembering the days of singleness and the Christian culture that I was surrounded by, there seemed to be some sort of a double standard- where women felt less for being single, while men continued on peacefully with their bachelor lives.

I was thinking about this today, and why this seems to be the truth.  Although it's easy to blame the Church for everything, I believe the problem has a lot less to do with the Church, and a whole lot more to do with us...single young women, desperate to love and be loved.  

You see, I wonder if the church does not determine the value that is put on us- but rather, reflects the value that we put on ourselves.  

Looking back, I wonder if the church does not "embrace" singleness because we have a hard time embracing it ourselves.  As a single woman, I remember struggling so much with the idea of being single, as though it were a trial to get through, a temptation in which I had to persevere. 
  
It took me so long to embrace, enjoy singleness myself. 

As women, I think we all struggle with the same things.  The longing to be valued, loved, and embraced by another human being.  The longing to be walking with someone alongside, someone to witness our lives, in order to somehow make our lives matter.  

As Christian women, I think sometimes we devalue ourselves when we are single and alone.  I think we forget that our value is not attached to our relationship status, but rather to the God who has made His home inside of our hearts.  Our evaluation of self has the tendency to rub off onto the people around us.  

We teach people how to treat us by the way that we treat ourselves.  We teach people how to value us, by the way that we value ourselves.  At the root of the Church embracing singleness, is a long line of individual men and women, struggling to embrace singleness themselves. 

As a married woman now, I look back and I see the mistakes I made as a single woman- longing to be loved, valued, and embraced.  And the truth of the matter is- even in marriage...the struggles with value and self-worth have not gone away.  They still haunt me day by day and the unconditional love of a husband was not the cure that I thought it would be.  The truth of the matter is, the only solution I have found is nestled deeply in the heart of Something more.  Someone more. 


We will not embrace singleness as a culture, and as women at large, until we have truly learned to embrace our God-created, God-restored, God-loved, God-valued selves.  We will not embrace singleness as a culture, until we have learned to be at peace with who are are, standing alone.  And maybe, just maybe, even then we will never truly embrace our "singleness" because that's not the core of what we were meant to embrace. Rather than defining ourselves by the broad brush stroke of a relationship status, maybe our definitions need to run a little bit deeper.  A little bit truer.   A little bit more in line with the God of relationships, who calls us to rest only in Him. 

May we, as women, seek to create a culture in which we teach the world around us to treat us like we deserve to be treated.  Valued, loved, honored and respected.  Single, or not.  We are daughters of a King.  Let's live that way. 

Dear Christian: An Open Letter from the World

Revisiting some of my most popular posts.  Hope this one encourages you!

Philippians 2:5
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.


Dear Christian,

I have to be honest...I have mixed feelings about you.  A love/hate relationship if you will.  It's like looking at two sides of a coin, trying to figure out which one is really you.  Part of me wants you so bad...but the other side of me is too scared to jump in. 

There are days that you amaze me.  I look at you and see the most loving eyes, the most gentle hands, the most open heart.  I watch as you take care of your community, as you reach out to the poor and the needy, as you mend the hearts of the broken.

I am overcome by your ability to reach into my loneliness.  Reminding me that I'm not all by myself.  That someone really does care for and love me.  Somehow you always seem to know just what I need...it's as though you had a direct line to God, or something.

I am challenged by the way you give up your time, your money...and your self for others.  I'm drawn to the fact that you are so humble, yet so confident.  You're honest about the fact that you don't always have it together...but that you're working on it.  I love that genuineness...it pushes me to be real with my self as well.

There is something about your smile that seems real to me.  It makes me wonder where you get such joy.  How you have such strength.  It makes me long for what you have. 

Sometimes I look at your faith, and the way you hold on with all of your heart...and wish I had something to give my all to.

But then I get stuck.  I get stuck because I see the other side to your who you are, and I find myself confused.  Because some days you amaze me, but other days you disappoint me.

Other days, it's as though something has come over you.  You aren't acting like yourself.  You are filled with pride and arrogance, acting like you really know it all and have it all together.  It makes me scared to come to you with my problems...because I'm afraid you won't understand.

It breaks my heart to watch you so caught up in the things of this world...money, fame and fortune.  It's as though the American Dream has got you on a leash.  I thought you talked about bigger things?  I thought you said this world wasn't your home?  Then why do you seem so comfortable here?

Some days, it's as though you have an opinion about everything.  What I should wear, who I should be friends with, what I should eat and drink.  I feel judged by you, not loved.  I feel as though I am under a magnifying glass...and you're picking me apart, never satisfied to just let me be who I am.

I want to get closer to you...to try and understand you...but your holier-than-thou attitude reminds me that I can't get too close.  Maybe I'm not good enough for you.  Maybe I'll never be.

Either way, I'm going to keep watching...waiting to see the real you.  There's a part of me that wants what you have...but a part of me that's still confused.  I'll be here.  Waiting for you to show me who you really are.  Until then, don't be surprised if I keep my distance.  I want to get closer, but I have to keep myself safe.

I hope you figure this out soon.  I hope you decide who you really want to be and stick to it.  When you do, come find me. 

Cautiously watching,


The World

Now, Do You Really Want Power?

1 Kings 17:1
Now Elijah the Tishbite, from Tishbe^[a] in Gilead, said to Ahab, “As the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, whom I serve, there will be neither dew nor rain in the next few years except at my word.” 

 
Been reading a little bit through the book of Kings, specifically looking at the life of Elijah the prophet. 

For someone like me who has been raised hearing and studying about these historical biblical figures, it's easy to idolize their lives and their legacy.  It's easy to look at their power with wonder, awe and amazement, wishing that we had even a fraction of the faith that they had and their ability to live a life miracles. 

Elijah and God were so in tune with each other.  From predicting droughts, to calling down fire, Elijah had the incredible ability to perform miracles in a way that made the world around him stop and give glory to the God he served. 

And so we read about these incredible prophets throughout history, and we're inspired to live a life that really matters, a life that makes those around us stand in amazement and throw their hands up glorifying the God that we serve.  And we're so inspired that maybe we'll even pray for that kind of power...but, it never comes.  


No calling down fires.  No predicting the future.  No miraculous signs and wonders.  

Power never comes, because we are ultimately looking for the power without the pain.  We want to live in our safe Christian bubbles, we want everyone to like us, and we want blessing after blessing after blessing.  You see, safety is the greatest obstacle in receiving power.

Francis Chan illustrates this point in a video about taking risks...but at the end of the day, who of us really wants to take risks?

If we're honest with ourselves, it's so much easier to live a powerless life...and be loved, secure, safe, and happy.  To ask for the kind of power we see displayed in Scripture would be to ask for a lot more than power.  Faith, uncertainty, trust...and even pain.

I look at every effective prophet in Scripture and one thing I see they all have in common is their willingness to do whatever it took to bring the power of God into the world around us.  They endured the seeds of suffering, hardships, broken hearts, endless waiting, scorn, hatred, and shame to harvest the crop of power. 

So, let me ask you again, do you really want that kind of power in your life?  

May God give us the strength to trust Him enough in order to walk outside of our safe places, so that we too can bring even a fraction of His loving power to this broken and dying world.

Selflessness, Interviews, and Naked Taxi Cab Drivers

Matthew 5:40
If you are sued in court and your shirt is taken from you, give your coat, too.

A couple of years ago I had joined my husband on residency interviews as he was looking for a place to land a job after graduating from school.  Usually the interview process is really intense, full of questions, conversations, and a whole lot of professionalism.  The dress code is top notch, suits and ties are a must- and even ties of a certain color.  You never want to stick out too much, or blend in too much.  


But through that entire process, I heard a story that changed my life.  A story that I will never forget as long as I live.  

At one of the interview dinners, we met a young man who had just completed his 2nd year of residency.  He was grateful for the opportunity to be at the hospital that he was currently working at.  And he told the story of the person who made it happen.

A couple years ago as he made his way down the interview trail, there was a snow storm that delayed his flight into Baltimore.  Due to that delay, he had to switch flights at the last minute in order to make it to his interview the following morning.  Fortunately, he did land.  Unfortunately, he landed at 2 in the morning...only to find that his entire luggage had been lost- tie, suit, shoes, and all.  


On his way to the hotel he was making some frantic phone calls in the taxi, trying to make contact with friends and family to think of a way he could avoid showing up at this interview in a sweat suite (a sweaty one, at that!). 


He reached his hotel to no avail, discouraged, tired, and feeling quite helpless.  As he got out of the cab, the taxi driver got out with him, and began to undress!  You can imagine the reaction of this student- unsure to what was going on.  


"I want you to have my suit", he said, having overheard his conversation from the driver's seat.  


And he proceeded to strip down to his boxers, giving the young man his shirt, suit, tie...and even his shoes.  


The young man was humbled, embarrassed, and amazed at the generosity of this complete stranger.  He gratefully took the suit, with tears in his eyes, and hugged the taxi driver goodbye.  

Just hearing that story changed my life.  

I was so challenged to really consider what message I am sending with the way I live my life.  We as Christians talk about being thankful and grateful during this Thanksgiving and Holiday season.  Thank you Lord for what you have given me, thank you Lord for all of your blessings...while clinging on tight to our belongings and being selfish and self-absorbed.  Turning an eye to the poor and needy, and living in our little bubbles of blessing.  What is the point of thanks-giving if we hoard our blessings to ourselves?

I was so challenged by the heart of this taxi cab driver- who was so willing to go above and beyond to meet an immediate need...though it was the need of a complete stranger.  This was the heart of the taxi-cab driver, what then should be the heart of a Christian, of a follower of Christ?

Does my life reflect that kind of heart?   This is my challenge this holiday season...to step out of my bubble of blessing and actually do something with what I have been given.  To hold it with an open hand, and to live with an open heart.  May you be challenged to do the same. 

A Ridiculous Amount of Patience: Waiting on God

Numbers 9: 19-22
When the cloud remained over the tabernacle a long time, the Israelites obeyed the LORD's order and did not set out. Sometimes the cloud was over the tabernacle only a few days; at the LORD's command they would encamp, and then at his command they would set out. 

Sometimes the cloud stayed only from evening till morning, and when it lifted in the morning, they set out. Whether by day or by night, whenever the cloud lifted, they set out. Whether the cloud stayed over the tabernacle for two days or a month or a year, the Israelites would remain in camp and not set out; but when it lifted, they would set out.

I almost have to laugh when I read this passage.  Let me explain.  Here they are, millions of men, women and children journeying on foot to an unknown land.  They had just escaped the slavery of Egypt, and were on their way to the "promised land".  There was something fantastic coming up ahead...God had promised it to those who followed Him.


You see, I laugh because the process of getting to this land must have taken a ridiculous amount of patience, and I myself am hardly a fan of the word.  I like to be efficient.  I want things to be done in time.  I don't like to "sit around and wait".  There is no time for wasting, and there is definitely no time to delay.  Frankly, there is really no time for patience at all....the entire concept just takes way too long. 

The strange thing is, the part I find most challenging about this passage is not just about patience...it's about the unknown.  You see, had God given them a "set time" to wait around- say....2 days at a time...at least that would have given them time to plan out their patience, time to figure out what to do with their hours, time to compile a list of things to do, places to see.  But He didn't.  The waiting was completely unknown to them. 

It could have been days...months...or even years.

I guess I never comprehended the gravity of such a thing.  Imagine waiting around for something...something you expected to happen in a couple of hours or at the most, a couple of days.  Imagine having to wait for a year...maybe even two.

But even more than the wait, imagine being at a place of utter obedience.  A place in life that is so completely reliant on God that you don't even bat an eye at the wait...because you trust Him.  Imagine having the amount of patience that sets aside your own agendas and plans...your own time-frame, in exchange for the greatest gift of all:  God's perfect will.

In my opinion, we could all use a good dose of ridiculous patience.  We've all waited on God to do things our way, trying to get through the waiting, as if it were a means to an end.  But imagine the waiting was the end.  Imagine the purpose of the delay was simply that- to take our focus off the end result and exchange it for a focus on Him.  To take our vision off the destination and allow our eyes to rest only on the Guide.  I believe that may just be the purpose of waiting...the purpose of developing patience.  

When I read this passage, that's what I see.  The Israelites were forced to exchange their focus from the preoccupation of the destination to the preoccupation with the Guide.  Everyday, it was the Cloud that guided them- and it was the Cloud of God's Spirit that ultimately won their attention...minute by minute, hour by hour.  Their eyes were fixed on Him. 

I want to see the periods of waiting in my life as more than simply time to kill.  I want to learn to see patience as the path that takes my focus on the natural and allows it to rest on the supernatural.  I want to allow God to use my time of waiting as a season to fix my eyes thoroughly on Him rather than simply getting "through".  I want God to grant me a ridiculous patience that is ultimately more concerned with the Guide than the destination.

Lord, grant us true patience as we rest in your perfect will.

Glow-in-the-Dark Christianity:

Exodus 34:29

When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of the Testimony in His hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant, because he had spoken with the Lord. 

I’ve always tried to imagine what this verse meant exactly when speaking of Moses radiance.  I picture his face bright and golden, light exuding from underneath his skin, like something glow-in-the-dark.  I wonder how bright it was, and how it felt.  But no matter the details, one thing is for sure- everyone noticed. 

According to Exodus 34, when Aaron and the rest of the people noticed, they were a bit freaked out.  They weren’t sure what to expect because something about him was drastically different. 

There had been a noticeable change.

I don’t know about you but there is something overtly challenging about this passage.  The reality is, when we meet face to face with God- there should be a drastic change.  There should be a noticeable difference.  There should be something that happens to us that causes others to observe a change.  There should be a radiance about us, emanating the essence of who our God is.  When we leave His presence, some part of that presence must go with us. 

For Moses, it was a brightness, a physical light for all to see.  A brightness having nothing to do with the words he spoke, and everything to do with the light he displayed.  For us, that light can come in so many forms.  Selflessness.  Patience.  Love.  Peace.  Joy.  Kindness.  Gentleness.  God’s spirit is unique.  God’s spirit causes a change in us.  It causes us to radiate with His presence, not because of who we are or what we say, but because of who He is in our lives. 

The beauty of this passage is that Moses had no idea that anything had changed.  He had no idea that others saw the mark of a Holy God on his life.  The only way that he was able to realize was due to the reactions of those around him.  They knew he had been with God without him saying a word. 

Christians, may you be empowered to live a life that radiates that presence of your God.  May you be challenged to leave His presence changed, allowing it to infiltrate every part of your being.  May you be inspired to embrace a life that penetrates the darkness of sin with the light of Christ.  May you be fueled to live in such a way that causes the people around you to seek the face of God.  May you be ignited to display His radiant love through your life today and every day. 

 

Real Hunger, Real Purpose:

John 4:34
"My food," said Jesus, "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work.”

I met a girl young recently who was plagued by the question of purpose.  Her spirit was hungry for something more, something more than this life was offering her.  She found herself waking up in the middle of the night with an aching desire for something deeper. 

On the one hand, it’s sort of strange that this need for purpose haunted her in the middle of the night.  But on the other hand, it makes sense.  The middle of the night is when our minds have kicked into slow gear.  When things are finally still.  When the distractions have died down and the noises have subsided.  There, in the quiet of the night, her spirit was finally heard crying out that it needed something more.

I believe many people can relate to that longing.  We all want to find meaning in this world.  We want our existence to be validated.  Our souls are hungry for purpose. 

Jesus understood this hunger, a hunger that supersedes the physical.  A hunger that could only find satisfaction in one thing: doing God’s work. 

John Chapter 14 describes a scene where Jesus is speaking to the Samaritan woman.  A woman who had experienced the injustice and maltreatment of her society.  A woman who was considered a cast away and whore.  A woman whose own sin had buried her deep into the pits of shame. 

The disciples were so distracted by their physical hunger, so distracted by the “noise” of their stomachs growling that they missed the true feast at which Jesus was partaking.  Jesus was offering love to one who had not known love.  He was offering life to a woman who had been dead in her sins.  He was doing the will of His father; He was feasting on food that would satisfy.

What about you?  Are you feasting on the food of God’s work in your life?  Are you focused on living a life completely sold out to God’s will? Do you find yourself satisfied and your spiritual appetites satiated with His love working its way in and back out of your life? Or are you still hungry?  Are you still longing for more?

Maybe you so distracted by the physical growling of your earthly stomachs that you are missing the hunger pangs of a whole new kind of feast.  Maybe you are ruled by the longings for the material rather than the spiritual. Maybe you find that if you are really honest with yourself, you discover that your purpose has become blurred by the tangible. 

It’s time to take a real hard look at ourselves and ask if we can wholeheartedly proclaim that we are satisfied in nothing else…but “doing the will of Him who sent [us]”. 

This is real purpose.  Feast on it.

Who's Following Who?

Proverbs 16:9
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord who determines his steps.

“We can’t just do whatever we want and then ask God to bless it.  No, we must ask Him what He wants us to do, and in that way-  it is always blessed.“- Faith Like Potatoes Documentary

I’ve been thinking a lot about this idea.  I believe if we could truly grasp the meaning of this concept our lives would be transformed.

So many times we get caught up in wondering why God isn’t blessing what we are doing, why He hasn’t answered our prayers, why He hasn’t done what we expect of Him. 

We blame ourselves: if only we could have more faith, if only we could be better people, if only we could sin a little bit less….then maybe things would go our way. 

We blame ourselves, and then when that doesn’t work- we blame God.  What in the world is He doing up there anyway?  Does He even hear our prayers?  If God is so good then why doesn’t he answer me?  Prosper me?  Bless me?

I think that we have it all backwards. Who is following who?

Our controlling, self-centered nature doesn’t grasp the magnitude and meaning behind this little verse: it is the Lord who determines our steps. 

He’s in charge.  He’s in control.  He knows the way.  He has the course in mind.  He can see what we cannot.  He knows what’s up ahead.  And better yet, His plans are greater, higher, more noble, and more remarkable than ours could ever be. 

Why is it we forget that? Why is it that we continue to pout, expecting Him to just follow along with our undersized dreams?  Why is it that we continue to plan, confused that He doesn’t allow us to get our petty and trivial way?  Why is it that we want Him to bless our agendas, not realizing that if He does- we are settling for much smaller portions than he intended?

I wonder how much we have missed because He has allowed us to have our way. 

One thing I know for sure: this year, things are going to be different.  Not just because it’s January 1st, 2010 and I’m inspired- no, but because I am choosing for them to be different. 

I am choosing to follow Him.  I am choosing to listen to His voice.  I am choosing to ask for His direction. I am choosing to look first to Him to guide the way.  I am choosing to refrain from taking one single step unless He has commanded me to. 

Because when He determines the path, failure is not an option.  When He determines the path, faith can manifest into complete confidence.  When He determines the path, there is no fear in what lies ahead…because He has tread it Himself.  

Hypocrisy II:

My friend Andrew recently emailed me some thoughts regarding my last post.  He said there was a new movie coming out that had a similar message.  Here's part of the email he sent:

I heard there was this quote in there that was in synch w/ Deb's blog..."The Church is the body of Christ. For the past fifty years, the hands and feet have been amputated, and all we've been is a big mouth"

The new movie is called: Lord, Save Us From Your Followers...and actually comes out today in theaters.  I'm posting the link he sent me.  Maybe it's finally time for the church to rekindle its urgency and begin living a Christ inspired life.

Check it out and let me know your thoughts.  Thanks Andrew, for the thoughts. 

Lord, Save Us From Your Followers.