Like A Son Learning to Trust: Part II

Deuteronomy 1:32-33

³² In spite of this, you did not trust in the LORD your God, ³³ who went ahead of you on your journey, in fire by night and in a cloud by day, to search out places for you to camp and to show you the way you should go.
I always wish Deuteronomy 1 had ended with verse 31.  I mean, who doesn't like happy endings.  We're scared, broken, discouraged...and our loving Father comes along, sweeps us into His arms, and carries us the whole way home. 

But right when we think the story is over and the curtain is drawn...comes verse 32-33.  Right when we're about to soak in the glory of a marvelous happy ending- in walks self to ruin the finale.  You heard me: self.  The irony of this chapter is that it ends with you and I.  It's a mirror into our souls reminding us of our inability to give ourselves fully. 

"Despite this...you did not trust Me".  After all He had done, after the miracles, signs and wonders.  After coming to them like a cloud by day and a fire by night.  After leading them step by step, and showing them incredible things.  After fighting for them the entire journey and opening doors they could have never opened themselves...somehow, they are unable or maybe unwilling....to trust. 

Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?  I mean, if it were you or I we might be thinking, it wouldn't take much more than watching the Red Sea part for us to trust.  But, I'm afraid we are only fooling ourselves.

You see, this sore, weak muscle called trust must be developed in all of us.  It is a muscle that is so quick to atrophy, so quick to dull and die.  It is a muscle that needs to be exercised daily...and not just once, but time and time again.  It is a muscle that is quick to forget all that God has done in our lives, and even quicker in remembering the hard times. 

I'm guilty of this.  I can imagine Jesus looking at me like a hurting Father sometimes and saying, "Seriously?  After ALL that?  You're still having a hard time trusting me.  What more do I have to do to prove myself to you?"  In spite of all this, sometimes I still refuse to trust.  Like a stubborn child, afraid to let daddy hold her in the water for the first time...(when all along...the water is only 3 feet deep). 

This devotional comes in two parts, because the second part takes the responsibility and puts it in our hands. 

There is great truth in understanding that our Lord carries us like a Father carries his son...but there even greater responsibility in allowing Him to carry us.  He won't carry us by force.  He won't force us to trust Him.  Nothing made of love can be forced.  He will just wait, proving Himself over and over to us until we learn to let go.  Until we learn to lift our arms in desperation and allow Him to pick us up and lead us where He will.  Until we learn to trust Him. 

Maybe we've tried.  Maybe we have been so let down by the world.  Maybe we have been so hurt by others that we tend to associate the idea of trust with pain and disappointment.  Don't allow the mistakes of man to be placed onto God.  Don't allow yourself to transfer your feelings of fear and pain onto the face of God.  Give Him a chance.  Let Him take that pain from you.   

Let Him show you that He can be trusted. 

Transference:

Transference.  At times, it can be a therapist's greatest enemy. 

Wikipedia lists the definition of transference:  the unconscious redirection of feelings for one person to another.

Redirecting feelings for one person, to another...usually, the feelings are negative.  And usually, those they are transferred upon have not an ounce of responsibility for the feelings.   Transference happens all around us without our even realizing it sometimes.  In fact, I believe it even influences our relationship with God.

I was thinking a little about that today.  Some thoughts on that:

I AM
Exodus 3:14
I Am who I Am.

We’re always trying to figure out God.  Always trying to wrap our boundaries around his boundlessness, to tack our names on his namelessness.  Always trying to fit Him into our preconceived notions and small ideas.  Putting him into our little boxes.  I suppose that makes us feel safe, keeps us in control.

But in order for God to be God- He has to shatter our tiny molds.  And that is exactly what He does when we allow Him to.  That’s the beauty of our Lord.  He has no need for pushing and shoving His way into our lives.  He meets us where we’re at.  Moses came to Him with his own reservations, allowing his own inadequacies to taint his perspective of God.  Concerned with the recent mistakes that he had made, and fearful of the rejection he might receive when he approached his people, he had allowed his own short comings to influence his view of God.

I’m beginning to realize our human tendency to follow in that pattern.  Painting God with the colors of our own fear, shame, doubt, insecurity, and unforgiveness.  Allowing the mistakes that we have made or the pains that others have caused us to influence our perspective of who He is.  Taking the faces of those around us- the good, the bad, and the ugly- and transplanting those faces onto Him.  Placing Him in our tiny worlds.

I am thankful that our God does not take our names, though we push them on Him.  I am thankful that He does not allow us to determine who He is.  He is who He is.  Nothing short of that will do.  He is the embodiment of all that is good and the sustenance for all that we need.  The answer was simple: I am who I am.

Even with such an encompassing answer, it’s hard to stop trying to make sense of Him.  It’s hard to really believe that He is the I AM.  I AM the answer to all your problems, the comfort through all your fears, the joy for all your sorrows, the healer of all your injustices.  I AM.  How drastically our worlds would change if we truly believed this.  How infinitely large our tiny worlds would become.  

Today, take some time to consider the perspective you’ve developed.  Take some time to assess the human inadequacies that you may have transferred onto your God.  Take some time to obliterate the deficient definitions you have so hastily cast upon Him, asking Him to reveal His true name to you.

Lord, we have placed you in the prison of our feeble prototypes.   Forgive us that we have not understood your greatness.  Forgive us that we have not lived as though you were truly the I AM.  Regain your rightful place in our lives.  Reveal to us the boundlessness of your name.