Does God Want me to be Single FOREVER? The short answer.

Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

 

One of the greatest fears of young singles that I meet is the prospect of being single, and “alone”, forever.  It’s probably a thought that crosses the mind of every young adult at one point in their lives.  I can recall wondering the same thing myself.  

The simple (and dreaded) answer to this question is yes.  Though singleness is statistically not probable, it’s possible.  That’s the short answer, but there is so much to this question than just a simple yes or no.  One verse that was a continuous source of encouragement to me in my young adult years as a single was found in the book of Psalms.  Chapter 37 verse 4 says this, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart”.  

For a time I interpreted this verse to mean that God will grant you what you want in life.  Not a bad interpretation if you ask me!  I don't really think that anymore, though I still agree with this interpretation to an extent.  Just like I delight in giving my daughter good things, our heavenly father loves us and wants to give his children what makes them happy.  But I have come to believe that this verse holds so much more meaning than that. 

I heard an interpretation in which the pastor explained that this verse actually means that when you delight in the Lord, he will GIVE you your desires.  Meaning, He will place desires within you.  That was a transformational thought for me.  It was freeing because it meant that if I really took it to heart in delighting in God as the love of my life, He would arrange my desires to line up with His.  When you really take joy in your relationship with God you will find that you know Him in a deeper way, and in turn, know what He wants for your life.  

St. Augustine said it this way, “Love, then do what thou wilt”.  I don’t think this gives us freedom to do whatever we want in life.  But I do think that it means that when we truly love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength- our desires will align with His.  What we choose to do by following our will, will ultimately be aligned with His. 

On a side not, I believe that it’s a myth to think that all joys will be fulfilled the moment you meet your future spouse.  I believe that God wants us to learn how to take joy in Him because no matter where this life takes us on the journey of finding true love, true joys can only be found in relationship with Him.   

I am married to an incredible man and I can tell you that there are day that he lets me down, and I guarantee you he’d say the same about me.  Though we love each other, our ultimate joy doesn’t come from that love, it comes from the love we have for the Lord; a love that we delight in, live for, and bask in; a love that overflows into every part of our lives, including our relationship with each other.  

If you have a strong desire for marriage, seek God.  If you have a strong desire for singleness, seek God.  In the end, when you have really submitted your heart to Him, God will use your desires to lead you in the right direction.  Just as I believe marriage is a calling, I believe singleness is a serious calling, one that God will equip you for if He calls you to it.  You will know this calling is on your life beyond a shadow of a doubt, and you will be at peace with it.   

For now, submit your heart to God, and then allow Him to lead your heart.  If He is really God then He can be trusted.  If He is really God then He knows what is best for your life.  If He is really God, then He will not let you down.    

White Noise:

1 Kings 19:11-13
 ¹¹ The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.” 

   Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. ¹² After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. ¹³ When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. 

   Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” 

Noise.  There is never a shortage.  Even right now as I write I hear music playing in the background, my baby cooing as she plays, the sound of the tea kettle boiling water, construction outside my window...we're constantly surrounded by noise.  Beautiful noises at times, annoying ones at others- yet no matter where we turn we can't escape it.


Last night at church we were discussing the topic of hearing God...listening for His voice in our lives.  We have a tendency to try and speak over Him in how we live.  Our prayer lives are reflective of that to be sure.  Lot's of talking going on...with very little listening.

But even for those of us who are desperately trying to listen- it doesn't always come easy.  We are bombarded by the loud hush of noises...each one doing its part in drowning Him out.  And as Elijah found out, His voice doesn't always come amongst the loudness of this world.

Wouldn't that be just like our God?  He comes in the quiet.  He comes when no one expects it.  In the quietness of a gentle whisper, in the subtlety of a little babe in a manger, in the humility of an uneducated carpenter.  No parades.  No banners.  No trumpets blaring.  He comes to the silence...hoping to find us there as well.  Hoping that we will leave the seduction of all the noises in our lives to meet Him.

I don't know about you but I find this a very daunting task.  It's hard to get away and get alone.  Sometimes entering the silence can be a scary thing...we're so comfortable with the noise.  Because sometimes, the silence can bring out in us things we were hoping to muffle through the noise in our lives.   

Join me in taking the risk of entering the silence...away from the distractions of this world.  Join me in taking steps into solitude and peace...watching, waiting to hear His voice.  Join me as we let the winds, the fire, and the earthquakes pass...and wait for His gentle whisper.


---

Check out Rob Bell's video and his thoughts on tuning out the noise in our lives: 

When Prayer Puts you to Sleep:

1 Thessalonians 5:17
Pray continually...

Our church is a part of a community-wide time of fasting and prayer, in hopes of seeing breakthrough in different parts of our lives.  In hopes bringing us to a place where our hungry souls are feeding on Him alone.

There is so much to be said of fasting and prayer.  Today, I’m focusing on the prayer.

I must admit, out of all of the spiritual disciplines- for me, prayer is the most difficult.  When it comes to finding a time to simply “be still” before God- for someone as active as me it can be as devastating as a sentence into solitary confinement. 

My mind wanders, my eyelids get heavy, my thoughts are distracted, and I’m bombarded with the many tangible things I could be doing in place of this intangible act. 

And this, you see, is the foundation of all my problems with prayer.  Because the fruit of prayer is not always felt instantaneously, because my requests are not always granted immediately, because there is no material evidence that something is being accomplished- it is easy to slip into the lie that prayer is “insubstantial”.

In order for that lie to be countered, it must be battled with truth:

Prayer is significant because prayer is relational. 

Just because I am not “accomplishing” anything with friends, does not mean that my time was ill spent.  In fact, some of my favorite moments with my husband involve the two of us sitting together, talking, being still with one another, my head resting on his shoulder.  They are intimate moments.  Moments that I would never in a million years trade for even the greatest of accomplishments. 

My favorite description of prayer is put best by Brennan Manning in his book The Ragamuffin Gospel:

“A little child cannot do a bad coloring.  Nor can a child of God do a bad prayer.  A father is delighted when his little one, leaving off her toys and friends, runs to him and climbs into his arms.  As he holds his little one close to him, he cares little whether the child is looking around, her attention flitting from one thing to another, or just settling down to sleep.  Essentially the child is choosing to be with her father, confident of the love, the care, the security that is hers in those arms. 


Our prayer is much like that.  We settle down in our Father’s arms, in his loving hands.  Our mind, our thoughts, our imagination may flit about here and there; we might even fall asleep, but essentially, we are choosing for this time to remain intimately with our Father, giving ourselves to him, receiving his love and care, letting him enjoy us as he will.  It is a very simple prayer.  It is a very childlike prayer.  It is prayer that opens us out to all the delights of the kingdom.”

May you crawl into your Father’s lap and simply enjoy His presence.  And may you feel the abundance of His love for you today. 

Question for Response: What are some ways to improve the discipline of prayer?

Moments in the Desert:

This is one of the first reflections I wrote a few years ago...in fact, it's this reflection that inspired me to pursue stillness in the first place. May it do the same for you.

Hosea 2:13
“She decked herself with rings and jewelry, and went after her lovers, but me she forgot”, declares the Lord. “Therefore, I am now going to allure her. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.”

I wake up, wishing I could sleep just a little longer, and drag myself out of bed. The main thing on my mind is my self. What to wear. Brush my teeth. Look in the mirror. Think of my schedule. List of to-do’s.

And I am consumed- even if so innocently- consumed with myself. I am the love of my life at these shallow moments of waking. Stripped of all my inhibitions, when no one is looking, I find that there is only myself. I am the lover of my own soul.

Like the woman in Hosea, I continue on through the day, only aware of myself, living to please myself, to impress those around me with beauty, humor, spirituality and good deeds.

And all the while, despite my selfishness, God is beckoning for me to come. “Come to my side, come and meet me. Come, put yourself aside and walk toward my voice”. Beckoning faithfully, he whispers to me throughout the day alluring me with His words of love.

And when I am finally able to follow his voice, he takes me and strips me of my “decent” appearance, and pulls me into the dry desert so that my wandering eyes have no where else to look but to Him. And there he speaks to me, there he gently reminds me that this world has so very little to offer. There, he tenderly tells me that I am his beloved, and He is mine. There he tells me that this is where the greatest joys can be found. And he is right, because only there, have I ever felt such love. And it is beautiful and perfect with Him. And I find that He is all that I ever wanted and needed.

I leave the desert and enter into my life again. This time, the world becomes so gray unless it is identified with Him- for now I realize there is nothing worth glancing at, nothing worth aiming for, nothing worth investing in- unless it can bring me back to Him.

Lord, pull me into solitude with you...speak tenderly to your child. Be the lover that consumes my mind this day.