Don't Want Peace, Do Peace...

Romans 12:18
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

December always arrives so slowly, but disappears so quickly.  For me, it symbolizes the end of something old, and the hopes for something new.

As this year comes to a close, I've really been challenged by the idea of peace.  Just turn on any news station and you will quickly learn that peace is something that's rare...yet, it's something that we desperately long for.  But something that God has challenged me with lately is this:

We talk about peace on earth, but what about peace in our lives?

We long for the nations to let go of their differences, but what about the grudges that we hold on to so tightly?

We strive to end war and violence, but what of the bitterness in our own hearts?

More than anything, as this year comes to a close, I've been challenged to live in peace.  In peace with everyone around me, all people in my life. 

I've noticed as I mature and grow older, I've become a lot more sensitive to these things.  In childhood, when relationships used to be easy and fun, bonding over a game of hop scotch or a peanut butter sandwich was easy. Now, managing relationships requires so much more.   They are filled with expectations, needs, and emotions.

If I'm honest, I know that I have not always given as I should or loved as I could.  Before this year comes to a close, God is challenging me to do what I need to do to make sure that my heart is at peace with everyone in my life and everyone in my past.  To ask forgiveness, to repent, and to make amends.  To love better, encourage greater, and give expecting nothing in return.

It's time to be freed from the past by dealing with it.  It's time to strive toward peace on earth by living it out in my life. Relationships won't always be mended or restored, but I am called to do my part, "as far as it depends on me..."

Give peace a chance....

Here's to December. 

Birthdays, Monsoons, and Blessings: When it Rains...it Pours

Malachi 3:10
Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.

It rained on my birthday.  

No...it actually poured.  Like, monsoon-kind-of-poured.  There was a torrential downpour most of the day, with tornado watches and flood warnings.  This isn't the first time it rained on my birthday, either. I remember being locked in doors my junior year of college, as we waited for the incoming hurricane.  Instead of being out celebrating, my roommates and I were glued to the weather channel, wondering if we were going to have to board up our windows and doors!  Talk about a bummer.

But you know, this Tuesday as I woke up to the sound of rain and looked out of my window into the haze, I wasn't discouraged to see the rain.  For me, the rain was symbolic.  I felt like God was speaking to me through the tiny drops slithering down my window pane.   

No one really likes rain.  It puts a damper on things, figuratively and literally speaking.  It gets in the way of plans, generates bad hair days, and makes the roads slick for driving.  It brings with it clouds.  Clouds that darken the shining of the sun, shading its light with a haze of grey.   It makes you feel lazy, cold, and sucks ever ounce of your motivation.  There is something about the rain that just isn't fun.

I've just come through a rainy season in my life.  One that sapped my motivation and my strength.  One that set up a haze of darkness over the light in my life, causing me to see things through the fog.  I've been walking through the rain, and at times it's left me drenched in it's down pour.  Shivering, cold, and alone.

But you know, that is not what I thought about as I woke up on the morning of September 18th.  God was not using the rain to remind me of my struggle...but to give me hope for my future.  Rain brings life, nourishment, and growth.  Rain brings fruit, and creates a harvest.  We always want to collect the fruit...but in order to do so, it first has to rain. 

But you see, I believe that this season of rain will soon pass, like the rain always does.  I'm already seeing the clouds begin to break up and move away.  Yet I'm expecting more than just the ceasing of rain.  I'm expecting blessings.  There are always blessings after the storm. 

I have been faithful to God through the rain, and I know that because of who He is...greater things are yet to come.  I'm expecting Him to open the floodgates of heaven, and pour out so much blessing that my life won't even be able to contain it.  I'm believing that.  I'm speaking that into my life.  Because these are God's words, and His words are always more truthful than my own.

This is what I'm believing for this coming year, my 29th year of life.  I'm believing in God's faithfulness.  He was faithful to plant seeds into my life, and faithful to water them.  Now, He will be faithful in growing them up.  I'm waiting for this.  I'm hoping for this.  I'm believing in this.

Most of the Things You Worry About Never Happen...But if They Do:

Acts 7:54-60
⁵⁴ When the members of the Sanhedrin heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him. ⁵⁵ But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. ⁵⁶ “Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.”
 ⁵⁷ At this they covered their ears and, yelling at the top of their voices, they all rushed at him, ⁵⁸ dragged him out of the city and began to stone him. Meanwhile, the witnesses laid their coats at the feet of a young man named Saul.
 ⁵⁹ While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” ⁶⁰ Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep. 

What are your greatest fears?  

What are the things that keep you up at night...just worrying?  Worry: the act of thinking negatively about things (that might I add...may never happen...). 

If you're anything like me, it's easy to let your brain get carried away and your mind wander.  All of the things that could happen, that might happen, that should happen.  What if they do?  What would I do?  How would I survive?

And so we busy ourselves with the worries of our world...

This passage in Acts was a so refreshing for me to read and discuss yesterday in our bible study small group.  I know it's usually focused on the martyrdom of a man, who gave it all for Jesus...but for me, I saw it in a totally different light.

I saw a man who faced one of the greatest fears ever known to man...the fear of death.  A man who may have had a wife and children, family and friends...who suddenly found himself facing the painful sting of death...reaching the moment where life as he knew it would come to an end.

Sometimes I fear death.  It's all around us.  Grandparents dying of old age...parents becoming ill...tragedies of wives, husbands, and children...sometimes it makes me fear death too.

But more than that...I fear other things.  Smaller than death.  Illness...loneliness...depression.  Pain...betrayal...conflict.  The list goes on and on. There are so many things to fear if we are looking for them.  One reason I love this passage so much is because to me, it's a model of how we should face our greatest fears.

It's the story of a man who had to face his greatest fears...and the story of a God who wouldn't let him face those fears alone.

It's a story of the man who did not have the strength to look death in the eye...and the story of a God who became His strength.

You see, in the worst moment of this man's life- God showed up.  At the most horrific second...Jesus was right there.  He blinded Stephen's vision from the terrors of this world until all that he could see was the glory of God. In the worst moment...He became his vision.  He became all that he could see.

I am filled with hope as I walk through this life that God will give me what I need...when I need it.  Sometimes I allow myself to worry, and think "I don't have the strength..." rather, I should be thankful that I don't have the strength...because I don't need it!

You see, God doesn't give you the strength to face your fears...until the moment you have to face them. He doesn't give you the ability to handle your worries...but He gives you the wisdom to hand your worries to Him.  

"Even though I walk through the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me..."

Be assured, as you look ahead at the fires of life...and know that as you walk through the fire...you will never be alone.  

Do I really believe this stuff?

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

My belief in this verse and my confidence in the God of these words was put to the test last week.  My husband and I drove out to visit a dear relative suffering from a terrible illness.  We went to help, we hoped to encourage.  But somehow when you choose to bless others, you are always humbled at the way that you yourself are blessed by them. 

In this situation, this was especially true.

I've always imagined the thought of losing a loved one to illness or death.  Whenever I hear of someone struggling physically, it always seems to darken my spirit.  Ironically, I'm a therapist who deals with some of the most emotionally painful situations a human being should never have to go through.  But at the end of the day, there is always hope in the emotional.  There is always a chance for healing, for those who want it.

Physical pain, on the other hand, seems to make me feel a little more helpless.  There is only so much that can be done.  Doctors are incredible, and God is the great Healer- but ultimately, our mortal bodies are slaves to this thing called the grave.  Our bodies are temporary.  And one day our spirits will find a new home.  An eternal home. 

As freeing as this thought is to the believer in Christ- it also carries a tremendous amount of sadness.  I struggle with the truth that our bodies are just bodies...and one day they will see their last breath.  That means my body, as well.  But even more difficult for me, is the though of one day losing those I love.  My parents.  My friends. My husband. 

Just thinking about this reality can strike a chord of panic in me.  Serious panic. 

But something about experiencing this specific situation of suffering second-hand really challenged me to ask myself:  Do I really believe this stuff?

It's easy to talk, but when difficult situations come a long the reality of our commitment to God is really tested.  Would my relationship come through it?  Would I be able to uphold my end of the bargain and love Him, trust Him, and believe in Him no matter what?

I've struggled with that thought for years.  I read the story of Job and think- seriously??  Who can have that kind of attitude in the face of utter despair?  I doesn't even seem realistic.  "Though he slay me, yet I will trust Him".  I hardly feel that and my life is nothing compared to the difficulties that others go through. 

But, I learned some serious lessons spending time with my family last weekend, specifically, with my cousin who I have come to love and respect greatly.  I watched her in the midst of the most horrific struggle she will ever undergo and I learned this profound lesson: God gives us just what we need...just when we need it.  Not a moment before, and not a moment after.   He has blessed her with a grace and a peace far beyond anything I have experienced in a long time.  He has given her a strength that caused me to step back and take inventory of my own faith.  He comes through with a peace that doesn't even make any sense. I've seen it with my cousin, and I've seen it numerous times in the lives of friends and loved ones. 

Don't get me wrong...there are moments of sheer pain.  There are times of sorrow, sin, and struggle.  But at the end of the day I am encouraged beyond belief to know that my God is going to meet me where I am at, just when I need Him to.  He did it for them, and He does it for countless others...and I know He will do it for me.  I can count on that. 

I don't have to muster up strength in preparation for the difficult times...what a terrible life that would be.  In the Exodus, God provided manna to feed the starving Israelites.  Every day he would provide for them just what they needed.  He even asked them to only take what they needed for that day, requiring them to trust Him again for tomorrow.

And so He will do the same for my starving heart when the need is there.  He will provide nourishment for my hungry spirit just as He promised he would.  I believe this.  And when I don't  feel it, I choose to believe it.  If He is God....He can be trusted.