Dear Perfectionists, Just Learn to Be Still:

Psalm 46:10
Be still and know that I am God.

I wrote an article last week for Relevant Magazine titled "When You Can't Pray the Pain Away".  

I'm rather surprised by the response I got from readers, very passionate about the subject matter, advocating the importance of getting one's emotional and psychological world together through the process of therapy.  I got emails from all over the country and even from different parts of the world from men and women who felt that they were validated in their pursuits of professional healing, rather than not feeling "Christian" enough for seeking help. 

But more than anything, the great response and emails reminded me of the truth that people all over are hurting.  Pain and suffering are universal.

One interaction in particular was from a dear friend of mine who is going through a seriously hard time in her life.  She asked me some difficult questions in a public manner, in hopes that the public interaction would be a instrument in helping others.

Even in her pain, she hoped that someone out there might benefit from her struggles and her questions.  Now, that's legit.  To me, that is actually the very indicator of true healing and maturity.  So, dear friend, this post is in honor of you.

S: Debbie: this article is extremely true, factual, and hopefully effective if the individuals you are targeting with this message heed your advice. I can attest to the validity of what you have offered here. Therapy saved my life. Self examination has been the only thing that has helped me change my behavior. Self awareness is often our of my grasp. 

It's only been by friends laying out the realities of my actions and emotions that I've seen what's really wrong with me. Debbie you have personally done this from time to time directly through phone calls and one on one time or through your writings. Lately I've given in to giving up. I honestly have done the opposite. Haven't prayed but just relied on venting all the time to cope. It's less effective... this article is somewhat of a wake up call. 

Genuine question and I expect a practical answer from you: How can you continue to improve when momentum is gone? When friends fail you? When circumstances are too overwhelming? When you become lazy or use excuses? How do you get out of that pattern? I'll call you guys out if your answer is unsatisfactory! 

My Response:  Dear S, First of all, what is up with you asking the most difficult earth shattering questions? That's how you roll, though, isn't it? It's a good question, to be sure...and a hard one. How does one go on in the face of disappointment, disillusionment, pain, and a lack of motivation. This could be an entire article on it's own.

Your question was how do you keep improving, and I want to stop you there...because in my opinion, sometimes staying the same in such difficult times is just as good as improving. Letting the waves crash without causing you to topple over, much less thinking about trying to take steps forward through them. I think we all know when we have reached that most difficult place, and have to be careful not to put too many expectations upon ourselves through such hard times.

On the other hand, there are times when the storm lets up...and we can't use the pain of the past to keep us in the same place. For me personally, I have a hard time moving through such times alone, and I find that surrounding myself with people who help move me forward- friends, family, mentors, counselors- is sometimes what I need to draw upon their strength just so that I can get back on my own two feet and move forward.

Only you know where you are at right now...and how far you can push yourself. Strive to do what you can in the day to day, and to make the best choices in the current hour you are living through, rather than putting so many expectations on yourself for what is to come.

There is always a time for growth and moving forward...but for you, maybe that time isn't now. Maybe it's a time to be still and steady, and keep yourself from moving backwards. Hope that gives some perspective.
 _____

Thanks S, for always having such insight into your life...I think right now, this is a season for you just to be still...and know that He is God.  That's actually sometimes the hardest part.  I think sometimes we put more on ourselves than He ever would.  Praying for you, and thankful that you have a heart to help others even in the midst of your own struggles.  To me, that is true healing.  Give yourself some credit for that.  

Love you, homegirl. 

  

A Moment of Silence:

Psalm 46:10
Be still, and know that I am God. 

White Noise:

1 Kings 19:11-13
 ¹¹ The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.” 

   Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. ¹² After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. ¹³ When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. 

   Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” 

Noise.  There is never a shortage.  Even right now as I write I hear music playing in the background, my baby cooing as she plays, the sound of the tea kettle boiling water, construction outside my window...we're constantly surrounded by noise.  Beautiful noises at times, annoying ones at others- yet no matter where we turn we can't escape it.


Last night at church we were discussing the topic of hearing God...listening for His voice in our lives.  We have a tendency to try and speak over Him in how we live.  Our prayer lives are reflective of that to be sure.  Lot's of talking going on...with very little listening.

But even for those of us who are desperately trying to listen- it doesn't always come easy.  We are bombarded by the loud hush of noises...each one doing its part in drowning Him out.  And as Elijah found out, His voice doesn't always come amongst the loudness of this world.

Wouldn't that be just like our God?  He comes in the quiet.  He comes when no one expects it.  In the quietness of a gentle whisper, in the subtlety of a little babe in a manger, in the humility of an uneducated carpenter.  No parades.  No banners.  No trumpets blaring.  He comes to the silence...hoping to find us there as well.  Hoping that we will leave the seduction of all the noises in our lives to meet Him.

I don't know about you but I find this a very daunting task.  It's hard to get away and get alone.  Sometimes entering the silence can be a scary thing...we're so comfortable with the noise.  Because sometimes, the silence can bring out in us things we were hoping to muffle through the noise in our lives.   

Join me in taking the risk of entering the silence...away from the distractions of this world.  Join me in taking steps into solitude and peace...watching, waiting to hear His voice.  Join me as we let the winds, the fire, and the earthquakes pass...and wait for His gentle whisper.


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Check out Rob Bell's video and his thoughts on tuning out the noise in our lives: 

A Ridiculous Amount of Patience: Waiting on God

Numbers 9: 19-22
When the cloud remained over the tabernacle a long time, the Israelites obeyed the LORD's order and did not set out. Sometimes the cloud was over the tabernacle only a few days; at the LORD's command they would encamp, and then at his command they would set out. 

Sometimes the cloud stayed only from evening till morning, and when it lifted in the morning, they set out. Whether by day or by night, whenever the cloud lifted, they set out. Whether the cloud stayed over the tabernacle for two days or a month or a year, the Israelites would remain in camp and not set out; but when it lifted, they would set out.

I almost have to laugh when I read this passage.  Let me explain.  Here they are, millions of men, women and children journeying on foot to an unknown land.  They had just escaped the slavery of Egypt, and were on their way to the "promised land".  There was something fantastic coming up ahead...God had promised it to those who followed Him.


You see, I laugh because the process of getting to this land must have taken a ridiculous amount of patience, and I myself am hardly a fan of the word.  I like to be efficient.  I want things to be done in time.  I don't like to "sit around and wait".  There is no time for wasting, and there is definitely no time to delay.  Frankly, there is really no time for patience at all....the entire concept just takes way too long. 

The strange thing is, the part I find most challenging about this passage is not just about patience...it's about the unknown.  You see, had God given them a "set time" to wait around- say....2 days at a time...at least that would have given them time to plan out their patience, time to figure out what to do with their hours, time to compile a list of things to do, places to see.  But He didn't.  The waiting was completely unknown to them. 

It could have been days...months...or even years.

I guess I never comprehended the gravity of such a thing.  Imagine waiting around for something...something you expected to happen in a couple of hours or at the most, a couple of days.  Imagine having to wait for a year...maybe even two.

But even more than the wait, imagine being at a place of utter obedience.  A place in life that is so completely reliant on God that you don't even bat an eye at the wait...because you trust Him.  Imagine having the amount of patience that sets aside your own agendas and plans...your own time-frame, in exchange for the greatest gift of all:  God's perfect will.

In my opinion, we could all use a good dose of ridiculous patience.  We've all waited on God to do things our way, trying to get through the waiting, as if it were a means to an end.  But imagine the waiting was the end.  Imagine the purpose of the delay was simply that- to take our focus off the end result and exchange it for a focus on Him.  To take our vision off the destination and allow our eyes to rest only on the Guide.  I believe that may just be the purpose of waiting...the purpose of developing patience.  

When I read this passage, that's what I see.  The Israelites were forced to exchange their focus from the preoccupation of the destination to the preoccupation with the Guide.  Everyday, it was the Cloud that guided them- and it was the Cloud of God's Spirit that ultimately won their attention...minute by minute, hour by hour.  Their eyes were fixed on Him. 

I want to see the periods of waiting in my life as more than simply time to kill.  I want to learn to see patience as the path that takes my focus on the natural and allows it to rest on the supernatural.  I want to allow God to use my time of waiting as a season to fix my eyes thoroughly on Him rather than simply getting "through".  I want God to grant me a ridiculous patience that is ultimately more concerned with the Guide than the destination.

Lord, grant us true patience as we rest in your perfect will.

When Prayer Puts you to Sleep:

1 Thessalonians 5:17
Pray continually...

Our church is a part of a community-wide time of fasting and prayer, in hopes of seeing breakthrough in different parts of our lives.  In hopes bringing us to a place where our hungry souls are feeding on Him alone.

There is so much to be said of fasting and prayer.  Today, I’m focusing on the prayer.

I must admit, out of all of the spiritual disciplines- for me, prayer is the most difficult.  When it comes to finding a time to simply “be still” before God- for someone as active as me it can be as devastating as a sentence into solitary confinement. 

My mind wanders, my eyelids get heavy, my thoughts are distracted, and I’m bombarded with the many tangible things I could be doing in place of this intangible act. 

And this, you see, is the foundation of all my problems with prayer.  Because the fruit of prayer is not always felt instantaneously, because my requests are not always granted immediately, because there is no material evidence that something is being accomplished- it is easy to slip into the lie that prayer is “insubstantial”.

In order for that lie to be countered, it must be battled with truth:

Prayer is significant because prayer is relational. 

Just because I am not “accomplishing” anything with friends, does not mean that my time was ill spent.  In fact, some of my favorite moments with my husband involve the two of us sitting together, talking, being still with one another, my head resting on his shoulder.  They are intimate moments.  Moments that I would never in a million years trade for even the greatest of accomplishments. 

My favorite description of prayer is put best by Brennan Manning in his book The Ragamuffin Gospel:

“A little child cannot do a bad coloring.  Nor can a child of God do a bad prayer.  A father is delighted when his little one, leaving off her toys and friends, runs to him and climbs into his arms.  As he holds his little one close to him, he cares little whether the child is looking around, her attention flitting from one thing to another, or just settling down to sleep.  Essentially the child is choosing to be with her father, confident of the love, the care, the security that is hers in those arms. 


Our prayer is much like that.  We settle down in our Father’s arms, in his loving hands.  Our mind, our thoughts, our imagination may flit about here and there; we might even fall asleep, but essentially, we are choosing for this time to remain intimately with our Father, giving ourselves to him, receiving his love and care, letting him enjoy us as he will.  It is a very simple prayer.  It is a very childlike prayer.  It is prayer that opens us out to all the delights of the kingdom.”

May you crawl into your Father’s lap and simply enjoy His presence.  And may you feel the abundance of His love for you today. 

Question for Response: What are some ways to improve the discipline of prayer?

Moments in the Desert:

This is one of the first reflections I wrote a few years ago...in fact, it's this reflection that inspired me to pursue stillness in the first place. May it do the same for you.

Hosea 2:13
“She decked herself with rings and jewelry, and went after her lovers, but me she forgot”, declares the Lord. “Therefore, I am now going to allure her. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.”

I wake up, wishing I could sleep just a little longer, and drag myself out of bed. The main thing on my mind is my self. What to wear. Brush my teeth. Look in the mirror. Think of my schedule. List of to-do’s.

And I am consumed- even if so innocently- consumed with myself. I am the love of my life at these shallow moments of waking. Stripped of all my inhibitions, when no one is looking, I find that there is only myself. I am the lover of my own soul.

Like the woman in Hosea, I continue on through the day, only aware of myself, living to please myself, to impress those around me with beauty, humor, spirituality and good deeds.

And all the while, despite my selfishness, God is beckoning for me to come. “Come to my side, come and meet me. Come, put yourself aside and walk toward my voice”. Beckoning faithfully, he whispers to me throughout the day alluring me with His words of love.

And when I am finally able to follow his voice, he takes me and strips me of my “decent” appearance, and pulls me into the dry desert so that my wandering eyes have no where else to look but to Him. And there he speaks to me, there he gently reminds me that this world has so very little to offer. There, he tenderly tells me that I am his beloved, and He is mine. There he tells me that this is where the greatest joys can be found. And he is right, because only there, have I ever felt such love. And it is beautiful and perfect with Him. And I find that He is all that I ever wanted and needed.

I leave the desert and enter into my life again. This time, the world becomes so gray unless it is identified with Him- for now I realize there is nothing worth glancing at, nothing worth aiming for, nothing worth investing in- unless it can bring me back to Him.

Lord, pull me into solitude with you...speak tenderly to your child. Be the lover that consumes my mind this day.