Three Intruders that can Destroy Your Marriage:

1 Corinthians 13:7
[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

When John and I were married, the pastor who married us also happened to be a Licensed Professional Counselor.  I know I may have a slight bias, but they are some wise peeps!

He surprised us all by bringing a few blocks from the nursery room to our formal ceremony in order to conduct his lesson.  Simple blocks, but each shape had a meaning and advice to remember within our marriage.  I loved every lesson these simple toys represented, but one in particular has stayed with me: the Circle.

I'm really struggling lately as I am seeing marriages all around me falling apart.  Couples who have been married as long as 30 years and even those as short as 12 months...all trying to weather the storm, all battling the elements that tear marriages apart, and many times failing.  It breaks my heart to see the suffering that comes from a broken marriage, and the devastating effects it has when a once united body is torn apart in two by the jaws of divorce. 

It makes sense that God hates divorce.  He, more than anyone else, sees the pain it brings to his people.

We have to protect our marriages from the things that can tear it apart.  On the day we were married, John and I were reminded of this truth by contemplating the importance of the Circle, and it's a lesson that we have had to be deliberate in pursuing each and every single day.  

To put it simply, the circle represents boundaries.  It is the wall of protection surrounding your relationship.  The barrier that keeps deadly intruders from finding a way in.  And like it or not, intruders are all around.  They can take on so many forms that if we're not careful, they will find a crack in our walls and slowly seep in.   

In an attempt to guard our marriage from Intruders, my husband and I have been deliberate in keeping a circle around our lives that belongs only to us.  Our marriage is our sacred space, and there are certain components to each other that only we have access to.  We have been careful to protect the things that could easily lead us into the way of an intruder:

1.  Emotions:  Before anything else in an inappropriate relationship comes the root of emotion.  It's important to guard ourselves from interactions that give to someone else a part of us that belongs to our spouse.  Obviously, we need to have great caution when sharing our hearts with someone of the opposite gender, because there are parts of us that are "magnetic" when shared with the heart of another, and should be shared with no one but our spouse.  There are certain conversations that I choose to partake in ONLY with my husband, and he with me. 

But even more subtlety dangerous, I have found there to be truth in this matter even when it comes to same sex relationships.  Women, in particular, love to connect on a deeper level, and there's nothing wrong with that.  The problem comes when those interactions are taking the place of the depths of connection that we are meant to have with our spouse.  Sometimes, even venting to our friends about our marriage can be enough of an out to keep us from "venting" to our husbands.  A lot of communication between spouses is lost because it is finding it's way out through other relationships.  It's important to be proactive about connecting with your spouse, sharing your heart, your feelings, your dreams.   We are created to connect, so we will either bring that need to our spouse or allow it to be filled by intruders. 

2.  Interactions:  My husband and I are very deliberate about the choices we make when it comes to interacting with the world around us.  From what comes out of our mouths, to what we write in emails, to the way we handle our body language- we make a choice to honor each other in everything that we do.  We have built a trust with one another, a trust that started from the first day that we met.  Because of that trust, we have full access to each others lives and anything that has to do with interactions with other people including emails, text messages, computers, conversations, etc. etc.  The trust that we have with each other comes with certain responsibilities, but that trust also allows us to share in an intimate freedom with one another that far outweighs the sacrifices and responsibilities.   

3.  Time:  This is the quietest of intruders, but one that is ravaging many homes because of it's silent entrance.  Our time is a valuable commodity that should be invested in the people that we love and cherish the most, and given to those who we are committed to.  For us, we choose to invest our time in each other. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm up for the occasional ladies night and John has his time to connect with his friends, but when the two of us are available, we do our best to use that time to connect with each other and instead use our "free time" to connect with our friends.  This takes some extra work, some looking ahead at schedules, some planning and preparation.  But it allows us to use our time for each other to the best of our ability and to put each other first.

Although even if you are together every moment, that doesn't protect you from the Intruder of Time.  Time can slip away with your separate hobbies and interests.  You can be in the same room, but find that the time you are spending is really not being invested in each other at all.  With all the modern distractions of Facebook, Pinterest, Reality TV, and yes....even blogging...you can find that your time is being given to the inanimate in exchange for the intimate. 


Protecting your marriage from intruders is a daily task. We've been mindful of that for the past five years, and we pray that God will continue to keep us on guard...always protecting, always trusting,  always hoping, and always persevering in our marriage and in our love. 

I pray the same for you as well. 

Fake Faith: The myth of "Waiting" on God

Luke 11:9
And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 

I recently met a young man who was waiting on God.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting. 

His life had been headed down a dangerous path, and he was waiting for God to rescue him.  He had done nothing to get himself to a better place.  He was just waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.

I admire people of faith.  I think it's important to really believe; to live as if what you are believing is  already truth.  To trust God completely, fully, recklessly.

The problem comes when people exchange the guise of "faith" for the role of passivity.  

Lack of action. 

Zero responsibility. 

The problem comes when people expect God to live for them, rather than to work through them.  

I heard a joke once about a man who was drowning, but he had faith that God would rescue him.  

A jet ski came by, but he declined saying "No thanks, God will rescue me!"
A rescue boat came by, but again, he declined saying "No thanks, God will rescue me!"
A helicopter came by, but a third time, he declined saying "No thanks, God will rescue me!"

And finally, he drowned.  When he awoke to heaven he approached God and asked him, "But Lord, you promised to save me".  To which God replied, "I tried...I sent a jet ski...and a rescue boat...and a helicopter..."

It might get you to crack a smile or even chuckle...but isn't there so much truth to this sometimes? 

How many times do we allow our false ideas of faith to keep us from the places God wants us to go?  "God will give me a sign...God will close the doors if it's not meant to be...God will bring him/her into my life...God will take away my feelings...God will help me out of this addiction..."

I know He can, but will he?  Is that the kind of God you serve?  Do we serve a God who acts on our behalf, or a God who gives us the strength and power to act on His?   

I don't know about you, but I see my relationship with God as much, much larger than just a puppeteer interacting with his puppet.  

God does ask us to trust Him with the things we cannot control...but he asks us to take action in the things that we can.  He asks us to know Him, to love Him, and to honor Him...and then to live confidently in return. 

We are called to take action, to make decisions, to live our lives, and to do what it takes to get ourselves where He wants us to be.  Our connection with God is a two-way street, and like it or not: WE have a role in this relationship.  We have a choice.  We have a will.  And with that will we can either say yes, or no.  We can stop, or we can go.  We can stay the same, or we can grow.  Live in the old...or awake to the new. 

It's important to trust God, to seek his wisdom, his power, and his strength.  It's important to give him our worries and our fears and to trust Him with tomorrow...but it's just as important to allow Him to work in us and through us today. 

Don't allow your fears, insecurities, and inadequacies to paralyze you  in the name of  false "faith".  Real faith lives a life of action.  Real faith is alive and active.  Real faith takes responsibility and moves forward.

I trust Jesus.  I trust Him with my tomorrow.  I have faith that my life is in His hands.  But you see that is the very faith that drives me to act.  To choose.  To live.  

To Ask, To Seek, To Knock...







 

   



  

What's the Point of Unused Freedom?: On Egypt, Freedom, and God's Grace

Matthew 5:11
God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers.

Many of you have heard about the tragic events and injustice that has recently happened in the country of Egypt, a country very close to my heart.  October 10th brought devastation to Christian Egyptians as they were attacked during a peaceful protest, in defense of a church that was recklessly burned down prior to this protest.

Though injustice like this occurs every day around the world, and Christian persecution is a common part of many cultures- this tragedy rings even closer to my heart because in the back of my mind I always remember that this could have been me. 

I'm thankful that God willed for my parents to immigrate to the States long before I was conceived.  I had the privilege to be born into freedom and religious rights never imagined by my parents and grandparents.

When I hear about this tragedy, I'm reminded of the freedom that I fail to take advantage of...a freedom that get's taken for granted nearly every day.  My purpose is not to write a post about my American blessings...because though I am blessed to live in a country that offers freedom- I owe every bit of that to the grace of God.

My purpose, though, is deeper than merely giving thanks for freedom.  Because at the end of the day, what is freedom if it is not used?  Why would a chained prisoner rejoice just because he has the key to his chains- if he doesn't have the strength to throw off those chains and be free?

Sometimes I feel like that prisoner.  Given all the freedom I could ever need...and no motivation to use it.

My prayers are weak.  My worship is lacking.  My intimacy with God is limited...not by persecution (that would be an honor), but by the chains of laziness, busyness, and arrogance. 

I forget how much I need Him, and I forget how much He wants me.

It's sad that it takes the death of brothers and sisters in Christ to remind me to take hold of the freedom that I have to worship.  May it never be so again.  

Free to Forgive: If Joseph did it- so can you...

Genesis 45: 4-5; 15
"I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you...

...And he kissed all his brothers and wept over them. Afterward his brothers talked with him."

On our anniversary, my husband and I went to a show put on by Sight and Sound Theaters portraying the life of Joseph.  It was awesome, to say the least, and I highly recommend everyone taking the time to go see it.

There was something really special about seeing the life of this man in "real life".  It's easy to read through the story in Genesis and make light of the severity of experiences that Joseph lived through.

But beyond the severe dysfunction of Joseph's entire family, the betrayal by his brothers, being sold into slavery and totally disowned, and spending years of his life in jail...there was something glorious about the story of Joseph.  Sure, he had high points in his life as well - being second in command to Potiphar and Pharaoh, having all of Egypt at his fingertips, and being powerful beyond any man...his real moment of power came at the very end of the story.

His real moment of power came when he forgave.  You never consider the anguish that Joseph must have experienced when he finally saw his brothers again after years of isolation.  The betrayal, the pain, the rejection and the heartache that came with seeing their faces and hearing their voices.  You never consider the memories that must have come flooding back, and the feelings that he had managed to stuff away for years.

For Joseph, seeing his brothers again opened the flood gates of the pain in his past.  Pain that was so severe and unjust.  Pain that he had carried around for many years.  Pain that he was no longer willing to claim as his own.   

It's hard to wrap my brain around this kind of forgiveness.  Forgiveness that is not granted based on the merit of the one(s) receiving it.   Forgiveness that is not based on the abilities of the one releasing it.  It is forgiveness founded solely in a supernatural grace that Jesus Christ bestows upon his desperate children. 

He bestows it because he understands the salvation that comes when we are able to let go.  He bestows it because He knows how un-forgiveness can rot the soul and destroy the spirit.  He bestows it because he knows that ultimately, that is where freedom can be found.  He bestows it, because he too has been rejected, abandoned, forsaken and misunderstood...yet he forgave. 

It's true that unforgiveness is like an acid that destroys the container which harbors it.  It's easy to become that tight-sealed container, holding on to our bitterness for dear life.  But at the end of the day, for us to truly be men and women who are free- we must be willing to pour it out.  We must be willing to let go of the power that others have over our lives on account of our bitterness. 

Not because others are deserving of our forgiveness...but because we are undeserving of bitterness.  We deserve better than that.  We deserve freedom.  We deserve peace.  We deserve forgiveness. 

Lord, grant us the power to forgive. 

Circumcision...(seriously): On Religion vs. Relationship

Galatians 2:3; 6b
Yet not even Titus, who was with me, was compelled to be circumcised, even through he was a Greek...


God does not judge by external appearance.

I'm starting this post was a massive disclaimer.  I understand that this passage in Galatians has a tremendous amount of theological implications, and I am in no way a theological scholar.  With that said, there is a part of Galatians 2 that has had tremendous effect on my life and has brought me conviction.  I share with this heart in mind. 

In Galatians 2, Paul is speaking to the Galatians regarding his ministry.  He is reporting the evidence of God at work in order to gain credibility from them.  With all the important parts of his letter, he takes time to focus on one major thing: freedom in Christ.  In fact, that small word is the foundation of the entire book of Galatians proclaiming that, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free". 

Paul was concerned that there were a group of believers who he called "false brothers" who were trying to take that freedom away by focusing their salvation on external acts rather than the heart.  So much so, that they tried to convince Titus, a Greek missionary who was traveling with Paul, to be circumcised. 

Paul was enraged by this, and saw this as a form of slavery.  Christ had set us free from the rituals and rules of religion, yet they were trying to impose the bondage of religion-based acts.  They were more focused on Titus becoming externally religious, than they were focused on his internal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Sounds sadly familiar in a way, doesn't it?  How many times have we as Christians judged or ranked people based on their external appearances?  How many times have we let religion take precedence over true relationship with Jesus Christ?  How many times have we asked people to change their clothes, their piercings, their hair...their habits, their hang-ups, their addictions, their struggles....before allowing Christ to work in their lives?  We lead them into religion before leading them into relationship. 

I think many times we are the ones who get hung up on these things.  I think many times we usher people into the bondage of religion because it makes us, in some way, feel a little better or look a little more holy.  It's nice to have a little bit of "proof" that someone is changing, and so we look to external things for that proof. 

The sobering reality is, God doesn't.  He goes straight to the heart...and friends, that is exactly where we should go too, if we have any hopes of becoming like Jesus Christ.  Let's not allow ourselves for even a moment to fall into the traps of religion, or usher others into that same trap.  Let us rejoice in the freedom we have in Christ, and let us rejoice in the freedom others have in Christ. 

It is up to Christ to do the saving work.  It is up to Him to change hearts and lives.  It is up to him to change in us what he sees fit.  So...let's be careful to let Him make those calls, not us. 

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."